Venting Third Hospitalization since March

[chlorine]

okay so, i had made posts regarding my two hospitalizations regarding my two attempts to ctb. The first one was only a week long, th second one lasted a month and a half and it ended a few weeks ago. When I got out I peeked at the papers and saw they diagnosed me with MDD and a mood disorder NAS (which in italian is 'non altrimenti specificato', meaning non otherwise specified, and i don't really know what that means even if i've done some research, so if anyone knows excactly what it means i'd like to know.
So, following my hospital stay, my psychiatrists and psychologists and so on put me on a program that involves an educator a day for six hours who stays with me (it alternates between five of them). I can't stay at my house or anywhere alone, and I can't decide where to stay (previously i was at my mother's, now they forced me to stay at my father's, which I can't stand), and my mother even said she doesn't want me home because of the responsability that cimes with it if i hurt myself again. And I can't decide when to see my boyfriend who i met in psych ward and who is now in another institution due to his attempt.
Coming to a conclusion, the other day i just cut myself superficially in the tub and i filled it with water with my clothes on, and obviousy my educator found me and for some reason warned everyone and got them worried as hell, and i dont know why since i just layed there for an hour doing nothing. So in the evening i had a ''bulimic'' (i dont know if i actually have bulimia but i have frequent episodes of overeating followed by vomiting and thwn starving) episode and the people who live with me noticed it, then a psychiatrist a didn't know called me and said it was appropriate to call 911, so here i am in pedriatic ward cause im a minor and i think ill have to stay here for a few days. They also changed my therapy and now they give me 0.50mg xanax three times a day and when i need it, 15 mg aripiprazole (hope i got the name right), and 300mg quetiapine. Still don't know how they decide to change it.
In all this chaos the only thing that keeps me toghether is my boyfriend, and now im really impatient to see him. I'm sorry for the long post, i really needed to sort this out a bit.

 

[TiredHorse]

Don't apologize for the long post. Sometimes seeing everything written out can make all the difference for getting it straight in your head.

It sounds like you're in an awful spot. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry things are so difficult, and that I hope something can shift and you find some way forward toward somewhere you can rest and catch your breath.

If you can, take strength from knowing there are people here who sympathize.

 

[chlorine]

Don't apologize for the long post. Sometimes seeing everything written out can make all the difference for getting it straight in your head.

It sounds like you're in an awful spot. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry things are so difficult, and that I hope something can shift and you find some way forward toward somewhere you can rest and catch your breath.

If you can, take strength from knowing there are people here who sympathize.

thank you so much. I really hope i won't screw up my my relationship like i always did since it's basically the only thing keeping me alive. But thank you for replying.

 

[tiredandhuddledmass]

@chlorine NAS/NOS (not otherwise specified) doesn't mean anything other than that your symptoms don't fall neatly into any of the preexisting diagnostic categories. I.e. you're showing symptoms of a mood disorder but they don't exactly match any of the mood disorders that have been defined (bipolar etc.). Similarly, you might have dissociative symptoms but not fulfill all the criteria for dissociative identity, then you'd get DDNOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified). If you have severe trauma-based illness which doesn't follow the standard PTSD progression, it would be DESNOS (disorder of extreme stress not otherwise specified). And so on.

If they give you MDD and mood disorder NOS it's basically a lot of bombastic medical terminology to express 'person is very unwell, cause unknown'.

 

[chlorine]

@chlorine NAS/NOS (not otherwise specified) doesn't mean anything other than that your symptoms don't fall neatly into any of the preexisting diagnostic categories. I.e. you're showing symptoms of a mood disorder but they don't exactly match any of the mood disorders that have been defined (bipolar etc.). Similarly, you might have dissociative symptoms but not fulfill all the criteria for dissociative identity, then you'd get DDNOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified). If you have severe trauma-based illness which doesn't follow the standard PTSD progression, it would be DESNOS (disorder of extreme stress not otherwise specified). And so on.

If they give you MDD and mood disorder NOS it's basically a lot of bombastic medical terminology to express 'person is very unwell, cause unknown'.

thanks a lot for the info. I also have dissociative symptoms and my psychiatrist told my mother a few months ago that i might have BPD, bipolar, MDD with dissociative symptoms. Now i think I'm just too young for being given those kind of diagnosis since i'm 17 yo, fortunately. I really don't like being medicaly labelled, but i do understand they need that for meds and stuff like that. they just make me a bit numb and flat, but I still have my episodes; and even if at times they work in a weird nice way, id prefer not to take them, but i have ni choice. i guess i have become comfortably numb (okay that was not a cool joke).
Anyway, thanks a lot again.

 

[Simba]

thanks a lot for the info. I also have dissociative symptoms and my psychiatrist told my mother a few months ago that i might have BPD, bipolar, MDD with dissociative symptoms. Now i think I'm just too young for being given those kind of diagnosis since i'm 17 yo, fortunately. I really don't like being medicaly labelled, but i do understand they need that for meds and stuff like that. they just make me a bit numb and flat, but I still have my episodes; and even if at times they work in a weird nice way, id prefer not to take them, but i have ni choice. i guess i have become comfortably numb (okay that was not a cool joke).
Anyway, thanks a lot again.

I'm sorry to hear what your going through ,i take Viepax for depression i take 2 150 a day and i feel no change ,i say to psychiatrist that i don't think i need meds he says i don't know ,you seem more happy and stuff etc etc .. and i kinda liked your comfortably numb sentence ,it reminded me of the song by the same name from Pink Floyd , i hope all goes well with you and your boyfriend