Discussion Thinking of killing myself as revenge

[beyondbreath]

I'm mid twenties and I have dealt with suicidal thoughts for years. I was just dumped from an eight year relationship. This man tells me he was thinking of leaving me for a year and instead of bringing it up he continued to have sex with me, touch my body, tell me he loved me, MOVED ME INTO A NEW HOME WITH HIM A MONTH AGO and told me three days before he broke up with me that he loved me, would trust me with his life, and we had sex. I just lost the man I love, my home, and my job.


My brother is mad at me, we only met eight years ago as well (messed up family) and all the therapists and hotline said to go to family when you had issues and I did that but I guess he can't handle that so he told me I'm a bad person. He takes everything I say in bad faith while refusing to reflect on himself. So I just lost two people, maybe three, if me confronting my mom over "refusing to take a side" in my brother and I's argument is anything to go by.

Add that I've done therapy for years and taken countless meds, pushed through it all to complete a college diploma and a university degree, and I'm still struggling. And my brother had the audacity to claim I "don't want help" and haven't tried hard enough.


I'm thinking of killing myself as revenge against my ex and my brother. I already wish I was dead. If I can send a nice suicide note in the mail that is just bonus points.


My issue is this. I can't find a method that suits me. I wish I could just slit my wrists and get it over with but I'm too chicken. The other day I cut myself gently with some knives and had trouble doing even that. Does anyone have advice?

 

[Hollowillow]

Ban those ungrateful monsters from yoyr life.

No wonder you're depressed & burned out trying to please those jerks.

I have sn and tried partial hanging.

Death is freedom. Murder is revenge

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry you were profoundly betrayed like this. I know it must be completely emotionally reeling and itse understandable to feel this way in the immediate aftermath. You deserved better. I know it's frustrating too to be accused of not trying when you always gave it your all.

I woukd advise against killing yourself solely for revenge. You won't be able to enjoy it and if they didn't care enough to not cause harm while you were alive, it's unlikely they'll be moved by your death.

 

[assisted]

Death is freedom. Murder is revenge

in Minecraft

 

[Hollowillow]

in Minecraft

Never played? Explain? But funny

 

[whywere]

Howdy!
I read your post and I cried. Please let me explain myself, I am 66, reference point, and all my life from when my "parents: kicked me out and I never heard from them again ever, their choice, to getting totally burned at various positions and having a now ex-wife, who LOVED gambling, enough to lie to me to my face and drain out checking account of over $25,000, oh and this amount was just 1 weekend alone, yikes!

I do not know your entire situation except your post, but I will inject this aspect, the very best revenge is always to live one's life happily, as much as possible, travel and meet new friends and maybe a new deep meaning friend and unless you live or move to another spot-on Earth, they will hear about it and then the jealousy and grumbling from the one who originally said goodbye kicks in.

Case in point, my ex-wife spread gossip all over the place about my mental health and the like. Right now, I have a new position and like I have a 2-week conference in Hawai'i in the dead of winter where I live and oh Ya she has heard, too bad, so sad, ha,ha.

Live your life very well and rub it in their noses down the road, best revenge ever.

Walter

 

[Hollowillow]

Howdy!
I read your post and I cried. Please let me explain myself, I am 66, reference point, and all my life from when my "parents: kicked me out and I never heard from them again ever, their choice, to getting totally burned at various positions and having a now ex-wife, who LOVED gambling, enough to lie to me to my face and drain out checking account of over $25,000, oh and this amount was just 1 weekend alone, yikes!

I do not know your entire situation except your post, but I will inject this aspect, the very best revenge is always to live one's life happily, as much as possible, travel and meet new friends and maybe a new deep meaning friend and unless you live or move to another spot-on Earth, they will hear about it and then the jealousy and grumbling from the one who originally said goodbye kicks in.

Case in point, my ex-wife spread gossip all over the place about my mental health and the like. Right now, I have a new position and like I have a 2-week conference in Hawai'i in the dead of winter where I live and oh Ya she has heard, too bad, so sad, ha,ha.

Live your life very well and rub it in their noses down the road, best revenge ever.

Walter

I panicked at the idea to live so long but you have a better life than i ever will... *Panic intensifies*

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Howdy!
I read your post and I cried. Please let me explain myself, I am 66, reference point, and all my life from when my "parents: kicked me out and I never heard from them again ever, their choice, to getting totally burned at various positions and having a now ex-wife, who LOVED gambling, enough to lie to me to my face and drain out checking account of over $25,000, oh and this amount was just 1 weekend alone, yikes!

I do not know your entire situation except your post, but I will inject this aspect, the very best revenge is always to live one's life happily, as much as possible, travel and meet new friends and maybe a new deep meaning friend and unless you live or move to another spot-on Earth, they will hear about it and then the jealousy and grumbling from the one who originally said goodbye kicks in.

Case in point, my ex-wife spread gossip all over the place about my mental health and the like. Right now, I have a new position and like I have a 2-week conference in Hawai'i in the dead of winter where I live and oh Ya she has heard, too bad, so sad, ha,ha.

Live your life very well and rub it in their noses down the road, best revenge ever.

Walter

Dear Walter :) How have you been?

You're absolutely right. The best revenge is moving on and try to be happy but is hard! :( I went to a similar situation unfortunately and me and my cat had to move out because we were dumped and first I was very very sad. Very depressed. Then I start to think a lot about revenge and I actually end up do it. And more recently I done it again. I want to stop and I'm trying to stop for real but like, he deserves it and a lot more.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I think ctb should be something you do because of reasons regarding yourself and yourself only. No person is worth ctb-ing over. What if they don't give a damn anyway? It must feel horrible to lose someone like that after those years, but I think you should try again.
In a way, I can relate to your pain since loneliness and disappointments really shattered me, but, you should try again, and if you can't find anyone, then and only then you can consider ctb-ing a reasonable thought.

 

[assisted]

Never played? Explain? But funny

"In Minecraft"

"In Minecraft" refers to a catchphrase spoken as a way to qualify a statement as not relating to the real world. This is similar to saying "hypothetically" in that it removes the realm of real-world possibility from the example, while still being grounded in reality. The phrase is often said as...

knowyourmeme.com

 

[Maudlin]

I'm mid twenties and I have dealt with suicidal thoughts for years. I was just dumped from an eight year relationship. This man tells me he was thinking of leaving me for a year and instead of bringing it up he continued to have sex with me, touch my body, tell me he loved me, MOVED ME INTO A NEW HOME WITH HIM A MONTH AGO and told me three days before he broke up with me that he loved me, would trust me with his life, and we had sex. I just lost the man I love, my home, and my job.


My brother is mad at me, we only met eight years ago as well (messed up family) and all the therapists and hotline said to go to family when you had issues and I did that but I guess he can't handle that so he told me I'm a bad person. He takes everything I say in bad faith while refusing to reflect on himself. So I just lost two people, maybe three, if me confronting my mom over "refusing to take a side" in my brother and I's argument is anything to go by.

Add that I've done therapy for years and taken countless meds, pushed through it all to complete a college diploma and a university degree, and I'm still struggling. And my brother had the audacity to claim I "don't want help" and haven't tried hard enough.


I'm thinking of killing myself as revenge against my ex and my brother. I already wish I was dead. If I can send a nice suicide note in the mail that is just bonus points.


My issue is this. I can't find a method that suits me. I wish I could just slit my wrists and get it over with but I'm too chicken. The other day I cut myself gently with some knives and had trouble doing even that. Does anyone have advice?

There's a million ways to die.

If I were in my 20's, I'd find a way to relocate somewhere, drop contact with everyone for a while and start over again. Your degree might get your foot in the door for a decent career, somewhere else... you'd know better than I do about that.

You're "too chicken" because somewhere deep down your mind knows you have other, better options.
I'd consider getting off the meds if I were you... you might have to taper, in order to not have too heavy a reaction. I don't know what you take.

Life sucks. If it weren't for the bad times, the good times wouldn't be so sweet.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Howdy!
I read your post and I cried. Please let me explain myself, I am 66, reference point, and all my life from when my "parents: kicked me out and I never heard from them again ever, their choice, to getting totally burned at various positions and having a now ex-wife, who LOVED gambling, enough to lie to me to my face and drain out checking account of over $25,000, oh and this amount was just 1 weekend alone, yikes!

I do not know your entire situation except your post, but I will inject this aspect, the very best revenge is always to live one's life happily, as much as possible, travel and meet new friends and maybe a new deep meaning friend and unless you live or move to another spot-on Earth, they will hear about it and then the jealousy and grumbling from the one who originally said goodbye kicks in.

Case in point, my ex-wife spread gossip all over the place about my mental health and the like. Right now, I have a new position and like I have a 2-week conference in Hawai'i in the dead of winter where I live and oh Ya she has heard, too bad, so sad, ha,ha.

Live your life very well and rub it in their noses down the road, best revenge ever.

Walter

@whywere You are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, Thank You for being with us

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

Dont do it, they will just rationalize to themselves that they did nothing wrong,

The human brain is cowardly, no one wants to take responsibility or ever admit they were wrong.

They would just somehow reason to themselves that it wasnt their fault.

Therefore it wont be "revenge". It wil be for nothing.

Success is the best revenge, cut them out and make the most of your degree and younger age.

 

[beyondbreath]

You guys are all being so nice and I really appreciate that.

I want to die because if my mental illnesses are so bad that after years of therapy and meds they'd still push the person I love the most away, how can I live with being that person? I think the revenge is my way of pushing myself to do the thing I've wanted to do for a long time.

I'm just so tired.i keep dreaming about him. I first attempted suicide when I was thirteen. It's like, years and years of trying has come to this, losing the one I love most because my stress was too much for him.

I moved into his parents house with him during the pandemic right after graduating uni. The combination of stress and not enough meds made me snap at him a lot I guess - he says I was snapping so much he was nervous about speaking but I don't have recollection of that which scares me a lot because it means I'm more mentally ill than I think. But I've done all the therapy and meds, I even upped my Effexor for him and added another med. If my mental illness has made me into this monster who pushed away my reason for living, why should I live? He told me it was so much better but he couldn't keep going because he was afraid I'd snap again



I was thinking this is like a two birds one stone situation.

 

[sevenkarmas]

Doing something for revenge in this case just gives them final control. Your ex is going to play the martyr card. Your brother is going to say he was right. I'm not trying to talk you out of it either way, but revenge is a reaction to someone else's action or apathy. Doing something you want/need to do vs something someone pushes you to do.

 

[theboy]

since what age have you been taking medication?

There are two options
The first is that your ex and your brother don't care and go on with their lives.

The second option is that they feel guilt and their family, social and work life would be destroyed.

In both options you would be resting in peace. What methods do you have access to?

 

[beyondbreath]

since what age have you been taking medication?

There are two options
The first is that your ex and your brother don't care and go on with their lives.

The second option is that they feel guilt and their family, social and work life would be destroyed.

In both options you would be resting in peace. What methods do you have access to?

I've been on different psych meds since age 12 when I started cutting myself. I'm 24 now.


I don't have access to much. Knives for cutting. Cloth for hanging. Drugstores. I wish there was something easy.

 

[theboy]

I've been on different psych meds since age 12 when I started cutting myself. I'm 24 now.


I don't have access to much. Knives for cutting. Cloth for hanging. Drugstores. I wish there was something easy.

the rope is a classic method

 

[beyondbreath]

the rope is a classic method

See I'm scared of it going wrong or hurting though.

 

[theboy]

check carefully the thread "how to hang yourself".

 

[CandyCane]

TBH if an ex killed himself over me I'd just be like "see, he was so crazy!" and move on

 

[beyondbreath]

TBH if an ex killed himself over me I'd just be like "see, he was so crazy!" and move on

I get what you mean but I was with this man for eight years, we were building a life together, this isn't just killing myself over a boyfriend.

 

[beyondbreath]

I get what you mean but I was with this man for eight years, we were building a life together, this isn't just killing myself over a boyfriend.

Howdy!
I read your post and I cried. Please let me explain myself, I am 66, reference point, and all my life from when my "parents: kicked me out and I never heard from them again ever, their choice, to getting totally burned at various positions and having a now ex-wife, who LOVED gambling, enough to lie to me to my face and drain out checking account of over $25,000, oh and this amount was just 1 weekend alone, yikes!

I do not know your entire situation except your post, but I will inject this aspect, the very best revenge is always to live one's life happily, as much as possible, travel and meet new friends and maybe a new deep meaning friend and unless you live or move to another spot-on Earth, they will hear about it and then the jealousy and grumbling from the one who originally said goodbye kicks in.

Case in point, my ex-wife spread gossip all over the place about my mental health and the like. Right now, I have a new position and like I have a 2-week conference in Hawai'i in the dead of winter where I live and oh Ya she has heard, too bad, so sad, ha,ha.

Live your life very well and rub it in their noses down the road, best revenge ever.

Walter

I appreciate your words a lot. I guess for me the issue is I don't see a path forward of a life well lived :( everything is a mountain for me and I keep struggling upward

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I get what you mean but I was with this man for eight years, we were building a life together, this isn't just killing myself over a boyfriend.

I appreciate your words a lot. I guess for me the issue is I don't see a path forward of a life well lived :( everything is a mountain for me and I keep struggling upward

Sorry for the moronic question, but isn't it possible to rekindle the relationship with that man?

 

[beyondbreath]

Sorry for the moronic question, but isn't it possible to rekindle the relationship with that man?

No, he refused. Said he's been thinking of leaving me for over a year (and never said anything and actively acted like nothing was wrong). His mom and I begged him to try but he has completely refused. It's over.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide by cutting is known to be a risky and unreliable method, it's not really recommended for successful ctb. But it does sound like you have suffered a lot and it must be really tiring being in that situation. I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point, it's awful how people can be so cruel and how they can make things worse for us. I wish you the best.