Thinking of changing my method... need advice please

[Trashcan]

I know I keep obsessing over the methods and I really appreciate all the feedback and opinions I've been getting. Tl;dr at bottom.

As you may or may not already know, my current method of choice is the black powder rifle. People have died using this before. There are many appeals to it. I know that in order to use any method, I'll have to overcome the survival instinct. Something will have to push me over the edge to overcome the survival instinct (so basically my suicide would be "impulsive"). The nice thing about the gun is when that time comes, I can just put the barrel in my mouth, aim towards my brain stem, pull the trigger, and die instantly. I won't have to worry about anyone finding me in time. It can be done at home. All I have left is figuring out the right bullet and how to load the gun. I haven't ordered it yet, but once I get all the supplies and load the gun, I can do it at anytime.

But there are a few things I'm worried about. Even though people have used a black powder rifle before to commit suicide, I'm worried about it not being strong enough. I'm worried about using the wrong bullet or the aim being off and ending up surviving. I'm worried I'll somehow manage to fuck it up because I don't know very much about guns, I would have to watch and read many tutorials to figure out even how to load a gun. It's violent. This method is also expensive, it will be at least $300 to get everything and my family to get some money from me. I work a part time minimum wage job so I really do not have that much money.

So partial suspension hanging seems like a nice method. I have a rope. It's non-violent. But the downside is the risk of being found in time. Even if I don't end up being a vegetable or brain damaged, I do not want any interventions. I also don't seem to get to be home alone for at least an hour very often, either. I'd have to have a combination of being home and something to get rid of the survival instinct. I'm not sure how likely that is. I could potentially do it when everyone is asleep, but that is so risky. But the nice thing is my family would get that $300+.

What are your thoughts?

Tl;dr - I'm trying to decide between a gun and partial suspension hanging. The pros of the gun are that it's instant and I can do it at anytime. The cons are it's violent, I don't know much about guns, and it's expensive (I want to give my family my money). Pros of partial suspension are it is non-violent and my family gets more money. Con is the risk of being found in time.

 

[Sayo]

Not getting to be home alone seems to be problematic for most methods - empathise with you, believe me, it's in good part why I am still here..

Is leaving the home (motel, woods, etc.) an option for you? I understand that that can also cost money. You do deserve a better, dignified death though and not to have to risk being brain damaged for life, as much if not more than your family deserves the money. You only get one death!! It's harder to prepare if you have to leave home and can't scout, but could minimise risk of being found or open up other methods like CO or inert gas, so it might be worth considering.

Most methods will cost money other than partial suspension if only to get supplies, or the time alone. Also struggling to accept this as I'd like to leave my money to my family too and have guilt about spending money. I guess it's worth pointing out that if you get found, that will cost a lot more money than doing it properly. (I also have a hangup that if I lived, I'd be down that money, which I can't afford. Bothers me more than some of the side effects. Man, freakin' poverty brain.)

I know nothing about guns due to their unobtainability here so I can't advise on it, sorry.

 

[Trashcan]

Not getting to be home alone seems to be problematic for most methods - empathise with you, believe me, it's in good part why I am still here..

Is leaving the home (motel, woods, etc.) an option for you? I understand that that can also cost money. You do deserve a better, dignified death though and not to have to risk being brain damaged for life, as much if not more than your family deserves the money. You only get one death!! It's harder to prepare if you have to leave home and can't scout, but could minimise risk of being found or open up other methods like CO or inert gas, so it might be worth considering.

Most methods will cost money other than partial suspension if only to get supplies, or the time alone. Also struggling to accept this as I'd like to leave my money to my family too and have guilt about spending money. I guess it's worth pointing out that if you get found, that will cost a lot more money than doing it properly. (I also have a hangup that if I lived, I'd be down that money, which I can't afford. Bothers me more than some of the side effects. Man, freakin' poverty brain.)

I know nothing about guns due to their unobtainability here so I can't advise on it, sorry.

Yeah I might just have to go ahead and do this in a hotel unless I can somehow encourage my parents to go out for a date or something.