chernobylmosqut
Member
- Nov 12, 2025
- 67
So, for those of you who read this who don't know, I've been in an extremely depressed spot. Obviously, look where I am, right? I've really been struggling with motivation and energy which has always been an issue with me. When I was in this group home four years ago I was a stupid, inexperienced kid, barely 18. I had undiagnosed ADHD then. It's since been diagnosed which helps explain a lot of the issues I've been having my whole life and the issues I had previously in the group home.
Coming back here was not my first choice for reasons that will become apparent. Now, I'm sure most of you know, I recently lost my job, my house, basically everything, and my only way to survive was to drive across the country on a dime in a tiny dingy little car to make it to Mass where I knew people and had good social welfare. It was not a fun little roadtrip. I had to sleep in sketchy areas, drive twelve hours a day STRAIGHT for four days, and barely eat a thing. And then, while I was trying to figure things out, I had to sleep in parking garages, train station parking lots, etc, living in my car.
Coming into the program I was on a roll, getting things that needed to get done fast, but then I hit a bump and just haven't been able to do much since. And I beat myself up for it constantly. I fight myself just to get things done. The program director noticed and got pissed. And you know what she said to me? AFTER I explained to her I got diagnosed with ADHD in the four years I have been away and am doing everything I can for medication, after I was very polite and made a plan with her, she told me that "she knew me" and that I was "not doing things because I felt I could get away with it" and that it's "not how the real world works" but regarding the loan she gave me "I should have advocated for myself and told her to give it via venmo". She also said that "I said I was only going to be here for a little while". To which I have this to say -
1. You knew me four years ago, I've grown as young adults do, and am not the same person.
2. I just explained I have a mental disability where my dopamine receptors in charge of giving me motivation and energy do not work, and on top of that I'm severely depressed because I recently lost everything.
3. I was living in my car and before that I had a real job and a real house where I paid rent. I don't know what this imaginary real world is that I haven't lived in.
4. I didn't know that was an option. I didn't know the cash would present a problem. I cannot advocate for an option or solve a problem I don't know is there.
5. You literally said at the end of the meeting upon my entry to really take time to think about what I want. It has also been stated multiple times since that meeting I've been doing really well getting to school and I don't need to worry about leaving the program any time soon.
If it was just this isolated incident I would move on in a week, be a man and bite the bullet, because this is a great program outside of the director and I am very lucky to be here. But it was like this a lot four years ago. So now I'm going to bite the bullet and move on. For all the good the program does I will not be treated this way. I'm considering living in my car again and just finding one of those long term overnight shelters until spring hits. It'll suck, and honestly I'm still considering staying until spring if I can. It'll be exploitive of the program but to say all that to me when I have been actively trying not to kill myself and then turn around and ask if I want to go to her Christmas party is insane. So now I just have to figure out what my next move is - live in my car in the spring, or find a shelter and move out in the next couple weeks?
Coming back here was not my first choice for reasons that will become apparent. Now, I'm sure most of you know, I recently lost my job, my house, basically everything, and my only way to survive was to drive across the country on a dime in a tiny dingy little car to make it to Mass where I knew people and had good social welfare. It was not a fun little roadtrip. I had to sleep in sketchy areas, drive twelve hours a day STRAIGHT for four days, and barely eat a thing. And then, while I was trying to figure things out, I had to sleep in parking garages, train station parking lots, etc, living in my car.
Coming into the program I was on a roll, getting things that needed to get done fast, but then I hit a bump and just haven't been able to do much since. And I beat myself up for it constantly. I fight myself just to get things done. The program director noticed and got pissed. And you know what she said to me? AFTER I explained to her I got diagnosed with ADHD in the four years I have been away and am doing everything I can for medication, after I was very polite and made a plan with her, she told me that "she knew me" and that I was "not doing things because I felt I could get away with it" and that it's "not how the real world works" but regarding the loan she gave me "I should have advocated for myself and told her to give it via venmo". She also said that "I said I was only going to be here for a little while". To which I have this to say -
1. You knew me four years ago, I've grown as young adults do, and am not the same person.
2. I just explained I have a mental disability where my dopamine receptors in charge of giving me motivation and energy do not work, and on top of that I'm severely depressed because I recently lost everything.
3. I was living in my car and before that I had a real job and a real house where I paid rent. I don't know what this imaginary real world is that I haven't lived in.
4. I didn't know that was an option. I didn't know the cash would present a problem. I cannot advocate for an option or solve a problem I don't know is there.
5. You literally said at the end of the meeting upon my entry to really take time to think about what I want. It has also been stated multiple times since that meeting I've been doing really well getting to school and I don't need to worry about leaving the program any time soon.
If it was just this isolated incident I would move on in a week, be a man and bite the bullet, because this is a great program outside of the director and I am very lucky to be here. But it was like this a lot four years ago. So now I'm going to bite the bullet and move on. For all the good the program does I will not be treated this way. I'm considering living in my car again and just finding one of those long term overnight shelters until spring hits. It'll suck, and honestly I'm still considering staying until spring if I can. It'll be exploitive of the program but to say all that to me when I have been actively trying not to kill myself and then turn around and ask if I want to go to her Christmas party is insane. So now I just have to figure out what my next move is - live in my car in the spring, or find a shelter and move out in the next couple weeks?
