PlasticFace
My story is in my about me, if you'd like to know.
- Feb 16, 2023
- 95
Thinking about an old friend today. Thinking about all of the things that I'll never be able to tell him. Thinking about how I left him to suffer by himself.
I'll call him Q (that was his nickname). After I went to my new high school, everyone avoided me except Q. He saw the shit I went through every day and he protected me. People stole my shit, tried to take my prosthetic off, showed up at my house, sent my dad mail, punched me, kicked me, etc., etc. Q wasn't popular at school either but he was there for me anyway. I remember being so weary of him because I thought it was too good to be true and I'd end up being betrayed. He never treated me like a sad little kid and he always invited me over, knowing how shitty my house was. He came over one time because I had to grab my case for my glass eye before I stayed over at his and my mom kept calling him my "little boyfriend". It was so awkward and I never wanted him over at my house again. My mom continued to taunt me about him and said disturbing things about us that I won't even repeat. His mom practically adopted me and she was so kind. I felt like I was in a movie when I was at their house because I didn't know that this was even a real possibility.
In our junior year of high school, I was basically moved into his place. All of my stuff was there and I only went to my own house to keep my mom at bay. I ended up making lots of friends through Q. I was introduced to so many different types of people and we all had things in common. It was very rare that I ever met someone like that. As teenagers do, they all started dating each other or finding love outside of the circle. Q and I never really dated anyone, just saw no point in it. I've always been terrified of intimacy in general, as it never lead to anything good for me. Eventually, we got a little closer and created a complicated relationship for ourselves. We never labeled it as anything or told anyone because we didn't really talk about it. Sure, it complicated things, but it didn't ruin our friendship.
We got older and the friend group wasn't as strong as it used to be. Q's mom got sick and he was really hurting for her, as we all were. She was like a safe space for all of us. We all had our own ways of coping and unfortunately, Q turned to hard drugs. I was scared to be around him, not because he was a bad or scary person, but because I know that those drugs can turn you into a bad and scary person. I will always wish that I was there for him, that I didn't leave him so alone. I feel like I failed his mom in keeping him safe.
I had after-school detention so I showed up late to his house one day. I already had an eerie feeling in my stomach as I walked through the door. He wasn't in his room, the lights were off, and his shoes and coat were missing. There was a forest that we smoked at sometimes so I hoped he was just blowing off some steam but I don't think I really believed that.
his music playing and echoing around me, almost tauntingly. I desperately tried to tug at him to get him down, but he was already gone. There were needles and empty bottles on the table and I couldn't do anything but call our closest friend. He called the cops and they came to the spot and I just walked back to his room. I knew that Q's mom was gonna have to hear it from the cops but I could barely even look her in the eyes, let alone tell her that Q died. I went into her room and told her I was gonna go back home. I know she could hear my cracking voice but she didn't say anything except for wishing me a safe walk and to take care of my mom like she always did. When I got home my mom asked where my little boyfriend was, why I wasn't at my little boyfriend's house, and if I was crying because me and my little boyfriend broke up. Never even got a chance to breathe before I was bombarded with shit like this.
Only two days later did Q's mom die. The friend group all went on their own ways after that and my mom had forbidden me from going to either of their funerals. I still wonder if they think that I chose not to go. I miss them both with my entire soul. They were the only two people that actually mattered to me.
Happy birthday, Q.
I'll call him Q (that was his nickname). After I went to my new high school, everyone avoided me except Q. He saw the shit I went through every day and he protected me. People stole my shit, tried to take my prosthetic off, showed up at my house, sent my dad mail, punched me, kicked me, etc., etc. Q wasn't popular at school either but he was there for me anyway. I remember being so weary of him because I thought it was too good to be true and I'd end up being betrayed. He never treated me like a sad little kid and he always invited me over, knowing how shitty my house was. He came over one time because I had to grab my case for my glass eye before I stayed over at his and my mom kept calling him my "little boyfriend". It was so awkward and I never wanted him over at my house again. My mom continued to taunt me about him and said disturbing things about us that I won't even repeat. His mom practically adopted me and she was so kind. I felt like I was in a movie when I was at their house because I didn't know that this was even a real possibility.
In our junior year of high school, I was basically moved into his place. All of my stuff was there and I only went to my own house to keep my mom at bay. I ended up making lots of friends through Q. I was introduced to so many different types of people and we all had things in common. It was very rare that I ever met someone like that. As teenagers do, they all started dating each other or finding love outside of the circle. Q and I never really dated anyone, just saw no point in it. I've always been terrified of intimacy in general, as it never lead to anything good for me. Eventually, we got a little closer and created a complicated relationship for ourselves. We never labeled it as anything or told anyone because we didn't really talk about it. Sure, it complicated things, but it didn't ruin our friendship.
We got older and the friend group wasn't as strong as it used to be. Q's mom got sick and he was really hurting for her, as we all were. She was like a safe space for all of us. We all had our own ways of coping and unfortunately, Q turned to hard drugs. I was scared to be around him, not because he was a bad or scary person, but because I know that those drugs can turn you into a bad and scary person. I will always wish that I was there for him, that I didn't leave him so alone. I feel like I failed his mom in keeping him safe.
I had after-school detention so I showed up late to his house one day. I already had an eerie feeling in my stomach as I walked through the door. He wasn't in his room, the lights were off, and his shoes and coat were missing. There was a forest that we smoked at sometimes so I hoped he was just blowing off some steam but I don't think I really believed that.
He was hung above the old picnic table,
Only two days later did Q's mom die. The friend group all went on their own ways after that and my mom had forbidden me from going to either of their funerals. I still wonder if they think that I chose not to go. I miss them both with my entire soul. They were the only two people that actually mattered to me.
Happy birthday, Q.
