Suicidal Ideation
burn my body, celebrate the afterglow
- Jul 21, 2023
- 55
After my failed attempt almost 2 years ago and some SH afterwards here and there, I tried to stay clean about my thoughts regarding ctb. But I think I am finally losing my grip on things again and any time when I'm not detaching myself from reality I find myself thinking about ctb.
My life has been absolutely shallow, uneventful and downright unlucky for a whole year now. To the point where, I think I'm becoming numb to bad experiences and every bit of damage that it does to my already collapsing mental health. It's not a good thing because the only way I ignore how fucked I am mentally, is by ignoring reality at all times, distracting or detaching myself from reality everyday.
Once college starts for me in a few days, I'm afraid I won't be able to distract myself anymore and be more in touch with my thoughts of ctb and end up acting on it again.
My life has been absolutely shallow, uneventful and downright unlucky for a whole year now. To the point where, I think I'm becoming numb to bad experiences and every bit of damage that it does to my already collapsing mental health. It's not a good thing because the only way I ignore how fucked I am mentally, is by ignoring reality at all times, distracting or detaching myself from reality everyday.
Once college starts for me in a few days, I'm afraid I won't be able to distract myself anymore and be more in touch with my thoughts of ctb and end up acting on it again.
