Venting Think About Death Every Time I Look At The Street

[LuxVan]

Nowadays all I think about is suicide.

If I'm near a street I always think about being run over. I wonder if a truck passing looks powerful enough to kill me. If a car speeds by, I'll wish I had been crossing at the "wrong time".

Realistically this isn't how I'd do it, though.

My preferred method is hanging. I don't want to cause someone to crash and hurt others just because I don't want to live. Plus, I'm scared of just ending up permanently disabled. So I won't do it.

But I just can't stop looking. I can't stop imagining myself being crushed by a truck. I can't stop imagining the blackness and the quiet.

I'm thinking about it right now.

Just had to vent before I eat lunch. It's like my brain is being swallowed by suicidal thoughts.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always also just wishing to be gone, in fact it's all I've wished for. But anyway I wish you the best.