Things you are going to do before CTB?

[MovingOn]

What are you going to do before CTB?
My plan is to CTB in January 2023, I should get my SN by mid January at the latest, and have some money to do things in January.

The problem is I have no desire to do anything. So my list is as follows:

1. eat some decent food, including sugar shit
2. indoor karting
3. watch some 3d movie (I've used VR but for whatever reason I haven't watched a 3d movie)
4. look at the fucking dumb fireworks on New Years
5. play some horror games (I scare easily so I haven't done it yet)
6. sex with an escort (legal in my country, might as well give it a go)
7. ???

I had the idea of writing a novel, the problem is I have no energy to really commit to anything. I haven't had energy in years...

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

sex with an escort as well basically all i want is to experience sexual stuff before i die lol.

i cannot get it without paying .

 

[Mir88]

I do not think I will do something special. When I will have the way, I will just do it after a normal day. I just want to be gone.

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally, I absolutely despise existing and see it as being such a burden having to be here so there isn't particularly anything that I wish to do. I'm tired of being conscious and aware of everything and most things in life just cause me to suffer and make me want to die even more. I associate the whole 'bucket list' type thing with those who wish to live but have limited time left here rather than those who plan to voluntarily exit this existence. All that I wish for is to not exist, the thought of being permanently gone from this world is the only thing that comforts me.

 

[MovingOn]

Personally, I absolutely despise existing and see it as being such a burden having to be here so there isn't particularly anything that I wish to do. I'm tired of being conscious and aware of everything and most things in life just cause me to suffer and make me want to die even more. I associate the whole 'bucket list' type thing with those who wish to live but have limited time left here rather than those who plan to voluntarily exit this existence. All that I wish for is to not exist, the thought of being permanently gone from this world is the only thing that comforts me.

You have +16k messages, why are you still here?

 

[FuneralCry]

You have +16k messages, why are you still here?

I know that I unfortunately continue to exist, but actually going through with suicide is easier said than done.
Mostly it's the fear of failure keeping me here as well as the limited access to methods. At least for me, planning to die certainly involves complications.

 

[Wannagonow]

I know that I unfortunately continue to exist, but actually going through with suicide is easier said than done.
Mostly it's the fear of failure keeping me here as well as the limited access to methods. At least for me, planning to die certainly involves complications.

Fear of failure and access to what's needed to successfully ctb are what keeps me here as well. It's frustrating and only adds to my depression. I know no one likes to hear this, but I really do understand how you feel. I hope you find your peace

 

[Fulminare]

I'm pretty much on the same page as you on almost everything, except the sixth point. I would most likely leave something behind online as well. Maybe document the last moments of my death for people on SS who are interested.

Basically record a video of my last few days because I'll go on a nice lil vacation and share my thoughts and struggles with SI. Just anything that could help other people in the same situation as me. It will be more like a celebration of things coming to an end than a tragic week full of suffering.

 

[Drowned Mermaid]

It's funny; if I had a year, I think I'd want to fill it with joyful things; travel, music, art; I think I'd want to go to Australia and cuddle a wombat; design and sew my departure dress like my mother-in-law did; finish some of the ragged bits of short-story that are languishing on my hard drive. I'd want to finish Olga Tokarczuk's Book of Jacob, and reread all of Leonara Carrington's short stories, and see Sabaton play in Poland.

Now, though, with things likely drawing to a point, I don't want much anything. I want to talk to old friends, and pet my dog, and make sure that my husband knows how to take care of her. (She is medically complex.)

And I do kind of want to write. Not sure what; not fiction. But something, maybe something.

 

[Wait-Bus]

I probably won't do anything special because of the way I have decided to know it is time.
If my urge is strong enough, I have the opportunity and tools - I will just say it's time and then plan to be dead within the hour. Nothing planned just the end