Venting Things will keep getting worse

[strwberrieflan.com]

Thought things weren't going to worsen this year, I guess I was wrong. It's been a long time since I've been outside, all I do is rot in my room, seeing people my age having fun, relapsed multiple times, turn into drugs. I wanna die but at the same time I don't, I feel alive but all of a sudden don't feel anything at all, I don't feel loved even if people say they do love me. I'm scared of committing suicide so I rely on self harm, my body is full of scars which will never go away, but I love seeing it everyday. "Who would ever love someone like me?" Sometimes I think to myself..

 

[Archness]

"Who would ever love someone like me?"

If you're a girl, there's some desperate guys who'll try to "fix" you. Though that would fail and have many problems.

All one can do on an inevitable decline is sit back and wait for the curtain to fall. That or make it happen themselves. btw, is drug-use also self-harm to an extent?

 

[Callie]

I wish I could be brave as you. I fear killing myself too. But I couldn't even scar myself. I would want to though because sometimes the pain in the mind is so unbearable I would rather hurt anywhere else but I am too afraid even for that. I slap and hit myself but it's not enough to cover the pain. It's an endless punishment to survive everyday when you don't want to live anymore.

 

[strwberrieflan.com]

If you're a girl, there's some desperate guys who'll try to "fix" you. Though that would fail and have many problems.

All one can do on an inevitable decline is sit back and wait for the curtain to fall. That or make it happen themselves. btw, is drug-use also self-harm to an extent?

I'm not a girl, I'm a guy :) and the drug-use and the self-harm are to an extent

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

Every day hits worse than the last when it seems like my last but isn't. I hope nothing ever gets "better" - it'd be so much easier to disappear this way.

 

[Archness]

I'm not a girl, I'm a guy :) and the drug-use and the self-harm are to an extent

I see. Would you consider self-neglect a form of self-harm or something else?
Things always getting worse rly correlates with self-neglect, then again, what's the point in trying if you'll just decline a little slower?

 

[cantthinkofusername]

Thought things weren't going to worsen this year, I guess I was wrong. It's been a long time since I've been outside, all I do is rot in my room, seeing people my age having fun, relapsed multiple times, turn into drugs. I wanna die but at the same time I don't, I feel alive but all of a sudden don't feel anything at all, I don't feel loved even if people say they do love me. I'm scared of committing suicide so I rely on self harm, my body is full of scars which will never go away, but I love seeing it everyday. "Who would ever love someone like me?" Sometimes I think to myself..

i was in the same place a few months back
i know it feels hopeless sometimes, but it can get better, it did for me at least a little bit
semding love <3