Things that make the decision easier....

[CrazyNihilist]

So...a synopsis of my story is that I was a high level executive with a global company until a new CEO came in and eliminated my job for one of his cronies. Nice way to treat a 16 year employee, but they really just don't give a fuck about anyone at that level. I had a sizeable amount of cash and a nice severance. I used the cash to buy a franchise that is not doing well and it has bled out nearly everything I have. I'm one month away from loosing my house now and I'm and abject failure, all around. Fate is a fickle bitch that will make you a Salomon one day and a Salomon's slave the next. Unless the Franchise makes a miraculous recovery, the circumstance is making my suicide an easy choice. Wondering how much of it is self sabotage and a self fulfilling prophesy. I know that, to many of you, I will appear as a privileged asshole bitching about things many of you never had. That's a fair assessment. However, I was wondering how many of you have some recent circumstance that is making your decision easier as well. Maybe there is some catharsis in sharing these....

 

[LeavingEarly]

So...a synopsis of my story is that I was a high level executive with a global company until a new CEO came in and eliminated my job for one of his cronies. Nice way to treat a 16 year employee, but they really just don't give a fuck about anyone at that level. I had a sizeable amount of cash and a nice severance. I used the cash to buy a franchise that is not doing well and it has bled out nearly everything I have. I'm one month away from loosing my house now and I'm and abject failure, all around. Fate is a fickle bitch that will make you a Salomon one day and a Salomon's slave the next. Unless the Franchise makes a miraculous recovery, the circumstance is making my suicide an easy choice. Wondering how much of it is self sabotage and a self fulfilling prophesy. I know that, to many of you, I will appear as a privileged asshole bitching about things many of you never had. That's a fair assessment. However, I was wondering how many of you have some recent circumstance that is making your decision easier as well. Maybe there is some catharsis in sharing these....

Basically went from college graduate, my own condo half paid off, a few vehicles, girlfriend, friends to no job, sold my condo in mania, blew threw my savings and lost my friends due to my mental health. Cannot relate to CEO wealth but can relate to being somewhat successful to everything on the down turn. I haven't worked in a few years either.

Old age looks pretty intimidating and scary with the problems that come with it.

 

[summertimestars4]

that's a tough situation, and i'm sorry it has caused your path to head this way. i think one of the most painful things of life (besides constant unrelenting physical pain) is falling from the top. losing your health, money, status, or whatever is so painful, because you know what you're missing once it's gone. it's that cruel reminder of what could have been that can cause a person to feel desperate to escape the misery. sometimes i wish i could erase my memory and live only in today. still it wouldn't fix my chronic health problems which torture me daily, but it would help me let go of the memories of a better life that i once had.

anyways yeah i notice stressors can push me to feel more ready to leave everything behind. whether it's seeing someone enjoy something i'm not able to do anymore because of my health problems, spending time reflecting on the fact that nothing has improved for years now, or just plain thinking about my life and how i don't want to do it anymore lol.

btw it's okay to express your problems, everyone experiences life differently and has unique circumstances. mainstream society loves to dismiss people's problems, i think that's part of the draw to this site is that people actually listen instead of dishing out "it gets better" or some equally useless platitude lol.

 

[sealbabies]

The loss of my beloved takes away any doubt. Actually makes it the only desirable thing - to ctb.

 

[houseofleaves]

I was a high level executive with a global company until a new CEO came in and eliminated my job for one of his cronies. Nice way to treat a 16 year employee.

you were a high level executive at 16??? what magic trickery is this

 

[UnravelingWinter]

you were a high level executive at 16??? what magic trickery is this

I think he meant 16 years with that company.

 

[houseofleaves]

I think he meant 16 years with that company.

oh, thank you, i didn't think about this!

 

[CrazyNihilist]

Yes, I was with that company for 16 years. I was 40 years old with a vast amount of industry experience before I started with them. Sorry if I confused anyone.
T

Basically went from college graduate, my own condo half paid off, a few vehicles, girlfriend, friends to no job, sold my condo in mania, blew threw my savings and lost my friends due to my mental health. Cannot relate to CEO wealth but can relate to being somewhat successful to everything on the down turn. I haven't worked in a few years either.

Old age looks pretty intimidating and scary with the problems that come with it.

Thanks for sharing. I was a President, not CEO, but it helps knowing others have lost everything as well. I totally get loosing friends, as I have pushed most of those away as well because of my mental illness.

The loss of my beloved takes away any doubt. Actually makes it the only desirable thing - to ctb.

I feel your pain. I lost a 24 year marriage and then a 6 year girlfriend relationship as well over my mental illness. I wish you nothing but peace no matter what happens.
My new retirement plan involves ropes and rafters....

 

[Red Scare]

I can relate somewhat. I don't think I have ever held a job longer than a year at the most, but I did go into business for myself along with my husband, growing medical marijuana during the California gold rush that was happening throughout the early 2000, and into the 2010s.

It was the best time of my life, but then in 2017 or 2018 California legalized pot, and suddenly all the money in medical marijuana dried up. We couldn't keep up with all the regulations and compliance requirements to sell legal weed. Prior to that we had a number of dispensaries we could sell to, it was all legit, all above water, but after legalization we were unable to sell to any of the shops we used to, which now had to comply with stricter regulations. I wasn't willing to sell on the black market or do anything illicit so I got out of the game.

My husband and I bought a yacht, and lived on it for a few years. But not being able to make the same kind of money really took a toll on my husband. We decided to focus just on music and art, but then the pandemic happened and live music became impossible. That's when his mental health went downhill, he ended up committing suicide.

It completely gutted me. I have ptsd from finding him, and I already dealt with major depressive disorder. This just put me over the edge. I have no reason to go on. I have a good savings, and some good investments, but I really don't care. Money could never buy my happiness, and what's the point without my best friend here to enjoy it? I just want to die. I want to not exist. I can't handle the grief, the depression, the loneliness. After being with someone for so long, I can't imagine life without him.

 

[LeavingEarly]

I can relate somewhat. I don't think I have ever held a job longer than a year at the most, but I did go into business for myself along with my husband, growing medical marijuana during the California gold rush that was happening throughout the early 2000, and into the 2010s.

It was the best time of my life, but then in 2017 or 2018 California legalized pot, and suddenly all the money in medical marijuana dried up. We couldn't keep up with all the regulations and compliance requirements to sell legal weed. Prior to that we had a number of dispensaries we could sell to, it was all legit, all above water, but after legalization we were unable to sell to any of the shops we used to, which now had to comply with stricter regulations. I wasn't willing to sell on the black market or do anything illicit so I got out of the game.

My husband and I bought a yacht, and lived on it for a few years. But not being able to make the same kind of money really took a toll on my husband. We decided to focus just on music and art, but then the pandemic happened and live music became impossible. That's when his mental health went downhill, he ended up committing suicide.

It completely gutted me. I have ptsd from finding him, and I already dealt with major depressive disorder. This just put me over the edge. I have no reason to go on. I have a good savings, and some good investments, but I really don't care. Money could never buy my happiness, and what's the point without my best friend here to enjoy it? I just want to die. I want to not exist. I can't handle the grief, the depression, the loneliness. After being with someone for so long, I can't imagine life without him.

I read your story that is rough. Sorry this happened to you.

May I ask how your husband ctb?

 

[LeavingEarly]

Yes, I was with that company for 16 years. I was 40 years old with a vast amount of industry experience before I started with them. Sorry if I confused anyone.
T

Thanks for sharing. I was a President, not CEO, but it helps knowing others have lost everything as well. I totally get loosing friends, as I have pushed most of those away as well because of my mental illness.

I feel your pain. I lost a 24 year marriage and then a 6 year girlfriend relationship as well over my mental illness. I wish you nothing but peace no matter what happens.
My new retirement plan involves ropes and rafters....

Which illness do you have? I have schizoaffective disorder.

 

[dustyfurcollector]

I was never successful, but I was a secretary. It would last almost 2 years and it's go major manic and lose my job and alienate people and lose friends and make really bad choices as another reply to op. Then I was declared smi (severely mentally ill. Bipolar 2, I think. They've never really said. Just bipolar. Now i live in terrible poverty. I donate plasma to feed my pets. I have a 2yo dog and a 3yo cat. I'm not sure what to do with them, but I'm really feeling the need to ctb. It's getting stronger and stronger. I've got my SN and tagamet. I'm working on the other things. I hope you get that magical turn around

 

[ineedtoctb]

Basically went from college graduate, my own condo half paid off, a few vehicles, girlfriend, friends to no job, sold my condo in mania, blew threw my savings and lost my friends due to my mental health. Cannot relate to CEO wealth but can relate to being somewhat successful to everything on the down turn. I haven't worked in a few years either.

Old age looks pretty intimidating and scary with the problems that come with it.

Wow This is literally my story minus the girl friend part. it's just crazy how one moment you can have it all to everything changing in the blink of an eye.

 

[LeavingEarly]

Wow This is literally my story minus the girl friend part. it's just crazy how one moment you can have it all to everything changing in the blink of an eye.

TBH I felt out of breath managing that so I was probably going to fall apart eventually anyways.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I can relate somewhat. I don't think I have ever held a job longer than a year at the most, but I did go into business for myself along with my husband, growing medical marijuana during the California gold rush that was happening throughout the early 2000, and into the 2010s.

It was the best time of my life, but then in 2017 or 2018 California legalized pot, and suddenly all the money in medical marijuana dried up. We couldn't keep up with all the regulations and compliance requirements to sell legal weed. Prior to that we had a number of dispensaries we could sell to, it was all legit, all above water, but after legalization we were unable to sell to any of the shops we used to, which now had to comply with stricter regulations. I wasn't willing to sell on the black market or do anything illicit so I got out of the game.

My husband and I bought a yacht, and lived on it for a few years. But not being able to make the same kind of money really took a toll on my husband. We decided to focus just on music and art, but then the pandemic happened and live music became impossible. That's when his mental health went downhill, he ended up committing suicide.

It completely gutted me. I have ptsd from finding him, and I already dealt with major depressive disorder. This just put me over the edge. I have no reason to go on. I have a good savings, and some good investments, but I really don't care. Money could never buy my happiness, and what's the point without my best friend here to enjoy it? I just want to die. I want to not exist. I can't handle the grief, the depression, the loneliness. After being with someone for so long, I can't imagine life without him.

I'm so sorry about what happened to you and your husband.

 

[CrazyNihilist]

I

Which illness do you have? I have schizoaffective disorder.

I have major depressive disorder. Not Bi Polar, so I only get the lows without the highs. I am high functioning, which basically means I am good at hiding it.

I can relate somewhat. I don't think I have ever held a job longer than a year at the most, but I did go into business for myself along with my husband, growing medical marijuana during the California gold rush that was happening throughout the early 2000, and into the 2010s.

It was the best time of my life, but then in 2017 or 2018 California legalized pot, and suddenly all the money in medical marijuana dried up. We couldn't keep up with all the regulations and compliance requirements to sell legal weed. Prior to that we had a number of dispensaries we could sell to, it was all legit, all above water, but after legalization we were unable to sell to any of the shops we used to, which now had to comply with stricter regulations. I wasn't willing to sell on the black market or do anything illicit so I got out of the game.

My husband and I bought a yacht, and lived on it for a few years. But not being able to make the same kind of money really took a toll on my husband. We decided to focus just on music and art, but then the pandemic happened and live music became impossible. That's when his mental health went downhill, he ended up committing suicide.

It completely gutted me. I have ptsd from finding him, and I already dealt with major depressive disorder. This just put me over the edge. I have no reason to go on. I have a good savings, and some good investments, but I really don't care. Money could never buy my happiness, and what's the point without my best friend here to enjoy it? I just want to die. I want to not exist. I can't handle the grief, the depression, the loneliness. After being with someone for so long, I can't imagine life without him.

Hi Red Scare, Thanks for sharing your story. It is really touching. I'm so sorry you had to find your husband that way and I wish you peace in whatever comes your way.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just simply being alive each day is enough to make me want to ctb even more. Things will get worse for me in the future so for me it makes sense to want to escape this world. I do not see my life as being worth living and I never will. It really is such an unfair and cruel world we live in, and it is sad to hear about how much some people suffer. The only thing that brings me comfort is that everything will end for me eventually, life is so temporary and meaningless.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

Not as successful by any means but up until last year been making six figures for several years, great wife, travel to exotic places constantly, loving life and then fuckin BaHm, overthink multiple stressors at work and fall off a cliff to suicidal depression.

Its like you cant even fuckin make this shit up it baffles me each day

 

[cleveland2011]

Wow This is literally my story minus the girl friend part. it's just crazy how one moment you can have it all to everything changing in the blink of an eye.

Me too literally everything. I had a manageable, even completely cureable health issue. Medication led to a non stop permanent non stop suffering disease.

From everything to nothing within blink of an eye. And people get mad at me when I say I'm suicidal. I got robbed. Let me just go Rest In Peace.

This morning was it for me. I just got the feeling waking up… "I'm ready to sleep forever. Whatever that may be. Just let me sleep forever."

I'm really starting to realize I'm sure that's what I want.

 

[waitingforrest]

Perhaps for me was the realization that I don't want to have to work for the rest of my life. Or that I don't have any dreams or aspirations, I just want to impact the world as little as possible and just dissappear.

But I think it is my self hate that fuels it the most. That is one thing I can't ever get away from. As insensitive as it is, I sometimes just want to lobotomize myself just to get the brain to shut up. But I know that it would just make things worse to be honest.

 

[miserablemom]

So...a synopsis of my story is that I was a high level executive with a global company until a new CEO came in and eliminated my job for one of his cronies. Nice way to treat a 16 year employee, but they really just don't give a fuck about anyone at that level. I had a sizeable amount of cash and a nice severance. I used the cash to buy a franchise that is not doing well and it has bled out nearly everything I have. I'm one month away from loosing my house now and I'm and abject failure, all around. Fate is a fickle bitch that will make you a Salomon one day and a Salomon's slave the next. Unless the Franchise makes a miraculous recovery, the circumstance is making my suicide an easy choice. Wondering how much of it is self sabotage and a self fulfilling prophesy. I know that, to many of you, I will appear as a privileged asshole bitching about things many of you never had. That's a fair assessment. However, I was wondering how many of you have some recent circumstance that is making your decision easier as well. Maybe there is some catharsis in sharing these....

I don't think you're a privileged asshole at all. I quite understand the sinking, dark hole of financial problems and it's part of my wanting out of this life too. My recent life changes have been hell and I don't see anything changing. I hope you find peace but you have a friend in me if you want to talk

 

[ItHurtsSoMuch]

So...a synopsis of my story is that I was a high level executive with a global company until a new CEO came in and eliminated my job for one of his cronies. Nice way to treat a 16 year employee, but they really just don't give a fuck about anyone at that level. I had a sizeable amount of cash and a nice severance. I used the cash to buy a franchise that is not doing well and it has bled out nearly everything I have. I'm one month away from loosing my house now and I'm and abject failure, all around. Fate is a fickle bitch that will make you a Salomon one day and a Salomon's slave the next. Unless the Franchise makes a miraculous recovery, the circumstance is making my suicide an easy choice. Wondering how much of it is self sabotage and a self fulfilling prophesy. I know that, to many of you, I will appear as a privileged asshole bitching about things many of you never had. That's a fair assessment. However, I was wondering how many of you have some recent circumstance that is making your decision easier as well. Maybe there is some catharsis in sharing these...

 

[Cathy Ames]

I'll just say, "Yes," and leave it at that.

I'm very sorry about your circumstances, and I agree with the person above that you do not come across as a "privileged asshole."

 

[ItHurtsSoMuch]

So...a synopsis of my story is that I was a high level executive with a global company until a new CEO came in and eliminated my job for one of his cronies. Nice way to treat a 16 year employee, but they really just don't give a fuck about anyone at that level. I had a sizeable amount of cash and a nice severance. I used the cash to buy a franchise that is not doing well and it has bled out nearly everything I have. I'm one month away from loosing my house now and I'm and abject failure, all around. Fate is a fickle bitch that will make you a Salomon one day and a Salomon's slave the next. Unless the Franchise makes a miraculous recovery, the circumstance is making my suicide an easy choice. Wondering how much of it is self sabotage and a self fulfilling prophesy. I know that, to many of you, I will appear as a privileged asshole bitching about things many of you never had. That's a fair assessment. However, I was wondering how many of you have some recent circumstance that is making your decision easier as well. Maybe there is some catharsis in sharing these....

I don't think anything negative about you at all. In some ways similar to my own situation. My husband died almost 4 years ago. We were together 29 years, and I never planned on being at this point in my life without him and alone. I'm getting cash poor myself, but have substantial retirement and life insurance. I know my death would be very beneficial financially to my kids and their families, and to my one friend that I love more than anyone in the world. What holds me back is fear of their guilt, of them blaming themselves. I know my friend would say he would rather have me in the world than the money, but he could use the money a lot more than what I can do for him while alive. And he has his own full life, and I feel like a burden in it. I don't ever want to be that burden to anyone. I hope I find the answer, and the courage to let go. I hope you find the answers you need too.

 

[Freedomindeath4me]

So many former high rollers on a small fucking suicide site. Sure.

 

[Of The Universe]

I'll just say, "Yes," and leave it at that.

I'm very sorry about your circumstances, and I agree with the person above that you do not come across as a "privileged asshole."

No,he's not. He's a very talented executive. You needn't apologize cause you're good. Very sad that he lost it.

 

[AreWeWinning]

So many former high rollers on a small fucking suicide site. Sure.

That's what I wonder too. But on the other hand, where would these people go with their problems, if not on this site? The beauty of the internet, I guess. You can never know, and it's totally up to whether you whether you believe something is true or not.

 

[its-about-time]

Falling from "top" to "bottom" is extremely difficult and totally can result in Ctb. What top and bottom means is subjective. Maybe your top was wealth, success, etc. Maybe it was love. Or social connection. Whatever. Who cares. Suicidal thoughts aren't very picky. People with "perfect" lives are depressed or hopeless all the time. You're just another victim of life. Who cares what your specific circumstances were? "The grass is always greener" applies across all circumstances, really… sorry you're in the club, I don't care what got you here, just that you're here.

 

[CrazyNihilist]

No,he's not. He's a very talented executive. You needn't apologize cause you're good. Very sad that he lost it.

Thanks for this. It means a lot. I always tried to connect with my team in a real way and the person who got my position is the exact opposite. Many have left in his wake.

Falling from "top" to "bottom" is extremely difficult and totally can result in Ctb. What top and bottom means is subjective. Maybe your top was wealth, success, etc. Maybe it was love. Or social connection. Whatever. Who cares. Suicidal thoughts aren't very picky. People with "perfect" lives are depressed or hopeless all the time. You're just another victim of life. Who cares what your specific circumstances were? "The grass is always greener" applies across all circumstances, really… sorry you're in the club, I don't care what got you here, just that you're here.

Very well said. I believe this too.

 

[Life interrupted]

1.I have long covid.
2. I'm about to lose my job.
3. I hate my family.