The pandemic and governmental corruption - not exactly recent, but makes my decision easier. Whenever I start to doubt myself I have only to look around at the state of the world or catch up on the news. Even if my personal issues were fixed, I still would not want to live in this society.
The more and more I learn about the complexities of modern life, and what is required for functionality as an adult, the less I want to live. I just read a few guides on here about improving one's operational security and that was a good reminder. I was starting to wonder about recovery, thank fuck that's out of the way now. Although tomorrow I will probably be back to my usual ambivalent bullshit.
But @CrazyNihilist, don't feel bad about feeling bad - all that will do is make you feel worse - no duh, but sometimes I have to remind myself. I'm in a relatively privileged position myself. I hate that I somehow cannot appreciate that and instead complain all the time and squander any opportunity I get. Many people who were far wealthier than you - who seemed to have it all - killed themselves. I recall reading about a study that found that beyond about 70k/year (probably 100k since it's been published; thanks, inflation), money has no correlation with mental state. Once you no longer have much financial stress, whether you're middle class or super billionaire seems to matter little when it comes to the great equaliser that is mental unhealth. I'm sorry you're suffering so.
It can be even harder for someone in your position because you know what the 'other side' is like. Someone who has never been there, and misery and suffering is all they know, will not know the pain of losing that. The contrast matters as much as the definition (not the correct words but I hope you understand my meaning).
The more and more I learn about the complexities of modern life, and what is required for functionality as an adult, the less I want to live. I just read a few guides on here about improving one's operational security and that was a good reminder. I was starting to wonder about recovery, thank fuck that's out of the way now. Although tomorrow I will probably be back to my usual ambivalent bullshit.
But @CrazyNihilist, don't feel bad about feeling bad - all that will do is make you feel worse - no duh, but sometimes I have to remind myself. I'm in a relatively privileged position myself. I hate that I somehow cannot appreciate that and instead complain all the time and squander any opportunity I get. Many people who were far wealthier than you - who seemed to have it all - killed themselves. I recall reading about a study that found that beyond about 70k/year (probably 100k since it's been published; thanks, inflation), money has no correlation with mental state. Once you no longer have much financial stress, whether you're middle class or super billionaire seems to matter little when it comes to the great equaliser that is mental unhealth. I'm sorry you're suffering so.
It can be even harder for someone in your position because you know what the 'other side' is like. Someone who has never been there, and misery and suffering is all they know, will not know the pain of losing that. The contrast matters as much as the definition (not the correct words but I hope you understand my meaning).
