Discussion Things get better?

[DreamCatcher]

Just thought of a quick question:

From the time you first realized life wasn't worth it, how many years has it been until today and it still hasn't gotten better?

On the flip side, for the people that it did actually get better for, how long did you have to wait?

I keep thinking that I don't know what "life getting better" to the point where I would want to live actually means. But I'm sure everyone can define it in their own way.

For my answer:
I think I first tried to CTB at 17, and a half dozen pitiful unplanned attempts after that. it has been 21 years since and I can safely say that not only has life not gotten better, it has gotten significantly worse over that time. Even now I wonder how many more years of not getting better is worth trying to make sure that it really won't, but I'd say two decades is more than enough to say that.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Life is like a roller coaster for me. Lots of ups and downs. Since 12 I knew I was definitely not like "normal" people in the sense depression. Since then I've experienced good times and bad. There have been plenty of good things and plenty of bad things that have happened. Since I have it made in my mind to CTB after kids are grown, I try my best to focus on the next better moment, though it can be rough.

Hugs. I feel your pain. I wish you nothing but happiness and peace.

 

[Soul]

It did get better after I got away from my toxic family. I'd say it took about 12 years to get out of the pit and start flourishing. What I call flourishing is off-kilter, strange and out of formation, but it works for me and I've had a lot of worthwhile experiences. As @Bulletwbttrflywings says there have been ups and downs, and I've always known I'll ctb one day, but it's not because of depression anymore.

 

[Funkbunny]

41 years, and no, nothing got better.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I mean I first tried stepping into traffic when I was 9 and told my mom it was because I hated people and was sad, so I guess that's when I was first like "fuck life".

There have been periods of better. Ages 22-27 were really great years for me and I had so many plans and ambitions. Then shit hit the fan and I know at least physically, things will never get better again.

 

[Kjo]

I've erased and rewritten my answer too many times. Quick answer, over 15 years of actively suicidal and continuously seeking treatment.

Even as my life gets "better" by normal parameters, I grow significantly worse... And the wish to die becomes stronger. Hope fades.

 

[HGL91]

As I've gotten older, I noticed a pattern. Things get better, but then when they get worse, they get WAY worse than before things got better. Eventually, life gets so bad, you're screwed and don't even have many options to CTB due to finances, declined health, or less freedom from situations such as hospitalizations preventing you from being able to get a gun.

 

[Broken Chimera]

Before I was a teenager I knew I didn't want to be here anymore. The older I get the more I understand why. I have a severe hatred for humanity because of their selfishness, their greed, their willingness to laugh at people down on their luck and how quick they are to attack others.

I only have a few people I deal with and in all honesty I wish I could cut ties and live in the woods away from the sheep herd and their willful ignorance about things going on around them.

 

[blanketyblk]

Nope, it get any better as you age. if anything you get more jaded at the world as you start to see the patterns of how things truly work.

 

[SinisterKid]

I was born and it then started going downhill from there. There have been highs, mainly drug induced, there have been lows, but if I knew 30 yrs ago how I was going to feel today, I would have ended things a lot sooner. But I was always the eternal optimist who genuinely believed things would get better and they never did. That is fuck all to do with depression or any other form of mental ill health, its just how I have found life to have been. Trouble is, those who pretend they know how the mind works, seems to think that outlook makes me [insert your own tag here] which is just BS. Some of us just have poor lives through no fault of our own.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

2012, when I fell and fractured several vertebrae. I already had health and back issues for years but I was just tolerating them, but that injury has just aggravated everything wrong with me ten fold. My depression came in went, but that fall, and the subsequent pain and insomnia, keeps me in a funk that just makes everyone around me miserable. Doctors can't help, drugs aren't helping, nothing works. I can't work, I can barely care for myself, I'm a burden for my husband, financially and I'm sure emotionally. I want to die, but I wait until my husband goes. I'm a shitty person in life, but he loves me for some reason, and for that reason I wait to spare his feelings. I have and all my supplies ready to go. It's just a waiting game now.