Venting They all knew...

[Deleted member 23586]

Hai person reading this right now. Before you read this just know that I want peace for you whatever that means to you. I hope tomorrow is a better day than today. And the day after that is better than that. I know we don't know each other but I just wanted to tell you that you deserve hugs and candy and everything soft and cuddly. I know I'm a bit weird but I just wanted to start of with something more beautiful like you. Before I go into this rant. Thank you so much for reading this. And I hope to get to know you. Stop by my profile or DM me. I always respond back love. Have a great and warm day.

Now back with a word from our sponsors.

Theres only a couple people in my life that don't know how bad it is for me. Half of those people wouldn't be surprised tho. But what hurts more is the ones that know and have done absolutely nothing. They know how much I've struggled. They've known how much I crave companionship and community. They knew how they could personally help me within their power. They've know I was suicidal and it gets worse and worst by the year, by the week, and by the day. And yet they ignored me. Or even worst they added to my pain and pushed me even closer to the edge. They all had a choice to make things better, as I have for them. They knew and have done nothing.

One person knows I have officially everything to cbt tonight if I wanted to. But she is the only one doing everything she can to help me. She's not the one I'm talking about. She has done so much for me and is very understanding. I told her my method of choice, and how it works. She just sat there and listened to me. No judgements. I was so grateful that I had the privilege of having someone like that in my life. She feels helpless because she csn only give me so much. But what she gives is enough for the spot in my heart she holds. And it's not one sides either. We both have each other's back. It's just I'm still missing major pieces.

But they're are people who know enough, and do everything in their power to avoid my mental health. And they know. It's the fact that I told them, "hey, I wanna die and I may be out of this b really soon if I continue to spiral". And their all just "Aww damn... I wish I could help you". It's like saying that in front of someone who's starving and you're just sitting there eating a whole buffet by yourself.

I've been told by my friend and a couple people here to take care of my self, my emotions, make sure to not do any more emotional labor, and to rest. Idk... Wish I had someone to talk to and text. Wish I could share more of myself with someone trustworthy. I hope I could be that for them. Like show my cat (and your animals), my throne room/tomb I call my bedroom haha. Someone to maybe show my farm on stardew valley. Or start our own farm. Maybe someone I can play animal crossing with. Although I haven't played in months. Maybe talk about other games and play together. Maybe listen and talk about music. Maybe if we gain each other's trust we can show each other our art. Whether it be music, drawings, paintings, poems, etc. I'd love that too. But more than that to accept all of me and to understand me.

It's the ones that know who haven't put in even the least amount of work, to help me that hurt me the most. And I'd like to find real people, real friendships, and real connections that they were never meaning to give to me in the first place. And they all know this... I just hope they don't act surprised because they damn well knew.

Anywho. I love this place. I know my vents have been more frequent lately, but I don't really have many other outlets to talk to someone directly about this stuff. I hope I'm not bothering you with my mess of a life/brain. Thanks to those who always read these. Hopefully my next one will be awhile from now. Or maybe the next one will be my final hug to you all. Idk...

I hope all my lil babies have a good rest of the night/day. Maybe I'll take some sleepy pills and try to sleep. Gn loves. *big jolly rancher hugs*

 

[HelloHell]

Before you read this just know that I want peace for you whatever that means to you. I hope tomorrow is a better day than today. And the day after that is better than that. I know we don't know each other but I just wanted to tell you that you deserve hugs and candy and everything soft and cuddly.

First of all, what a beautiful way to start a rant haha thanks i wish the same for you

She has done so much for me and is very understanding. I told her my method of choice, and how it works. She just sat there and listened to me. No judgements.

Secondly, you're so lucky to have her irl!

But they're are people who know enough, and do everything in their power to avoid my mental health. And they know. It's the fact that I told them, "hey, I wanna die and I may be out of this b really soon if I continue to spiral". And their all just "Aww damn... I wish I could help you". It's like saying that in front of someone who's starving and you're just sitting there eating a whole buffet by yourself.

Thirdly, I understand your frustration and disappointment towards people like them. But, to be fair, imo maybe they just dont know how to respond to that and they dont know how to make you feel better. is it possible that this is the case with them? if not, then they're just fake friends and i'm sorry you have to deal with them. they dont deserve to have you as a friend

I've been told by my friend and a couple people here to take care of my self, my emotions, make sure to not do any more emotional labor, and to rest. Idk... Wish I had someone to talk to and text. Wish I could share more of myself with someone trustworthy. I hope I could be that for them. Like show my cat (and your animals), my throne room/tomb I call my bedroom haha. Someone to maybe show my farm on stardew valley. Or start our own farm. Maybe someone I can play animal crossing with. Although I haven't played in months. Maybe talk about other games and play together. Maybe listen and talk about music. Maybe if we gain each other's trust we can show each other our art. Whether it be music, drawings, paintings, poems, etc. I'd love that too. But more than that to accept all of me and to understand me.

Lastly, my DM is always open if you want to chat! I dont have pets, my bedroom is messy, and i dont play animal crossing, but i accept you just the way you are and i'd love to hear you out if you need to vent

 

[Deleted member 23586]

Thirdly, I understand your frustration and disappointment towards people like them. But, to be fair, imo maybe they just dont know how to respond to that and they dont know how to make you feel better. is it possible that this is the case with them? if not, then they're just fake friends and i'm sorry you have to deal with them. they dont deserve to have you as a friend

They do and did. All I asked from them was to spend time with me. I even did all the work there. I love them, but they have let me down tbh. I'm so disappointed in them, but mostly myself tbh. That opened myself up that way and still got the same results I usually do. I have to stop doing this to myself.

Lastly, my DM is always open if you want to chat! I dont have pets, my bedroom is messy, and i dont play animal crossing, but i accept you just the way you are and i'd love to hear you out if you need to vent

I appreciate you so much Helly! I don't care if you don't own pets, idc care if your room is messy, and I don't care if you don't play animal crossing. I'm just so glad to hear from you and that you are so accepting of me. You really made me feel good. I'll definitely send you a message sooner than later. And please know you can do the same to me as well hun ^~^!

 

[Pururin]

Your opening paragraph was so sweet, I hope I'm not the only one feeling flattered haha.
I'm sorry the majority of people around you have let you down. It's so frustrating when all you need is someone to listen and try to understand, but they can't even do that. It's awful that their response makes you feel like opening up isn't worth it, I hope that you can find people you trust who you can open your heart to. Your friend sounds incredible too, I'm glad you're there for each other.

I'm sorry my word count nowhere near matches yours, I currently have noodles for brains, but I just wanted to extend a hand. If you ever wanna chat, look at the sad state of my farm on Stardew, or AC (though I haven't played in a while), I'd be glad to share. I currently have time to do whatever I want and I make art/animation and music, and I have some pretty unorthodox pets if you're interested too.
Hope you have a good sleep and night!

 

[MindFrog]

You'd think they'll help if they know about your problem but all they do is bury it under a rug. It's really shitty especially if its someone you thought could help you. like a friend or your own family. But at the same time, i feel like i can't really blame them because it's "my fault" somehow. Depression is such an awful illness. It clouds your reasoning.

Thank you for posting. Reading this makes me feel a bit better. I dont know, maybe its because it's like talking to a friend somehow haha. If you want to drop by my farm in SDV feel free to do so. I also have some drawings but they're not errr... exceptional. Have a good day!!

 

[Deleted member 23586]

Your opening paragraph was so sweet, I hope I'm not the only one feeling flattered haha.
I'm sorry the majority of people around you have let you down. It's so frustrating when all you need is someone to listen and try to understand, but they can't even do that. It's awful that their response makes you feel like opening up isn't worth it, I hope that you can find people you trust who you can open your heart to. Your friend sounds incredible too, I'm glad you're there for each other.

I'm sorry my word count nowhere near matches yours, I currently have noodles for brains, but I just wanted to extend a hand. If you ever wanna chat, look at the sad state of my farm on Stardew, or AC (though I haven't played in a while), I'd be glad to share. I currently have time to do whatever I want and I make art/animation and music, and I have some pretty unorthodox pets if you're interested too.
Hope you have a good sleep and night!

Aww thanks hun! You sound so incredibly fun. Omg I'm gonna definitely message you. You're word count could be 1 and I'd still appreciate that you even took the time to read my thoughts, let alone reply to me. Tysm for the offer. I WILL be taking your offer gleefully ^~^ *candy coated hugs*

You'd think they'll help if they know about your problem but all they do is bury it under a rug. It's really shitty especially if its someone you thought could help you. like a friend or your own family. But at the same time, i feel like i can't really blame them because it's "my fault" somehow. Depression is such an awful illness. It clouds your reasoning.

Thank you for posting. Reading this makes me feel a bit better. I dont know, maybe its because it's like talking to a friend somehow haha. If you want to drop by my farm in SDV feel free to do so. I also have some drawings but they're not errr... exceptional. Have a good day!!

You're totally right. I'm glad to know now though. Doesn't make me feel better, but I'm glad I don't have to put as much energy into them that they obviously didn't put into me. Depression is awful. Its like a deep dark unexcapable fog. But you're the good kind of fog, foggy ^~^ and I'm glad I got to walk through yours.

I'm so glad I could provide that for you! And I definitely want to see your farm and your drawings! I'm really excited about seeing them seriously. I can't draw at all, so no judgements here haha. Thank you so much for being here to read this. Can't wait to message you later ^~^. *tropical fruit hugs*

Both of you have a great day ok? *hugs both of you at the same time ^~^*

 

[ecmnesia]

i feel you.


sometimes, i think that we are all infected with a disease everyone can see but us, considering how people push us away. maybe we are gross, or just to hard to deal with it.


i don't know what to say. don't really have an advise, otherwise i wouldn't be in the same place you are. i just am sorry.

thanks for sharing.

 

[Deleted member 23586]

i feel you.


sometimes, i think that we are all infected with a disease everyone can see but us, considering how people push us away. maybe we are gross, or just to hard to deal with it.


i don't know what to say. don't really have an advise, otherwise i wouldn't be in the same place you are. i just am sorry.

thanks for sharing.

Tysm for just saying you understand. Hate that you do, but glad that you're here. This was enough for me ^~^