Discussion Theres so much I wanted to do...

[OldGod]

The truth is, I don't want to go.

I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have a career, I wanted to do big things, I wanted to see the world. There were so many movies I wanted to see, books I wanted to read, bands I wanted to check out, games I wanted to play, food I wanted to eat. I guess there's always going to be something I'm going to want to do and it just doesn't outweigh the pain of existence.

Short list of things I was looking forward to:

- Raising children to be better than me in every way and teaching them new things every day
- Becoming a writer or a film director, even small time
- Finishing my documentary short film
- Getting a big house with a theater and a bar
- The Many Saints of Newark (Sopranos prequel)
- Building a new computer
- Cyberpunk 2077
- Going to visit New Zealand
- Waiting for a new Kendrick Lamar album, a new album by Full of Hell, or a new album by Moloch (some of my favorite artists)
- Getting to finish some books on my shelf (Annihilation, HP Lovecraft's works, The Dark Tower, Wheel of Time, the rest of Nietzche's works, and so many more)
- Possibly seeing the last two GRRM books come out
- Getting to try all the bizarre foods of the earth (odd insects and animals of any kind)

These are just a few of the things that were on my mind that I won't have the chance to do if I carry out my plan next week. It makes me sad but I know I can't handle life anymore.

What are some things you guys wanted to do?

 

[justfloating]

The truth is, I don't want to go.

I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have a career, I wanted to do big things, I wanted to see the world. There were so many movies I wanted to see, books I wanted to read, bands I wanted to check out, games I wanted to play, food I wanted to eat. I guess there's always going to be something I'm going to want to do and it just doesn't outweigh the pain of existence.

Short list of things I was looking forward to:

- Raising children to be better than me in every way and teaching them new things every day
- Becoming a writer or a film director, even small time
- Finishing my documentary short film
- Getting a big house with a theater and a bar
- The Many Saints of Newark (Sopranos prequel)
- Building a new computer
- Cyberpunk 2077
- Going to visit New Zealand
- Waiting for a new Kendrick Lamar album, a new album by Full of Hell, or a new album by Moloch (some of my favorite artists)
- Getting to finish some books on my shelf (Annihilation, HP Lovecraft's works, The Dark Tower, Wheel of Time, the rest of Nietzche's works, and so many more)
- Possibly seeing the last two GRRM books come out
- Getting to try all the bizarre foods of the earth (odd insects and animals of any kind)

These are just a few of the things that were on my mind that I won't have the chance to do if I carry out my plan next week. It makes me sad but I know I can't handle life anymore.

What are some things you guys wanted to do?

I wanted to

- Have kids
- Find someone and truly be in love again
- Go to university
- Have sex (I have a condition which prevents it)
- Get married
- Have a house

But none of this is in the near future and the pain of waiting outweighs the benefits of it

 

[OldGod]

I wanted to

- Have kids
- Find someone and truly be in love again
- Go to university
- Have sex (I have a condition which prevents it)
- Get married
- Have a house

But none of this is in the near future and the pain of waiting outweighs the benefits of it

That's definitely an admirable list. I can't help but be curious about your condition though, I'm wondering if there would be ways around it. I'm sorry to hear you feel you won't be able to experience these things in life. I'm hoping that one day you'll be surprised and have one of these things or that your pain isn't long.

 

[randomz]

The truth is, I don't want to go.

I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have a career, I wanted to do big things, I wanted to see the world. There were so many movies I wanted to see, books I wanted to read, bands I wanted to check out, games I wanted to play, food I wanted to eat. I guess there's always going to be something I'm going to want to do and it just doesn't outweigh the pain of existence.

Short list of things I was looking forward to:

- Raising children to be better than me in every way and teaching them new things every day
- Becoming a writer or a film director, even small time
- Finishing my documentary short film
- Getting a big house with a theater and a bar
- The Many Saints of Newark (Sopranos prequel)
- Building a new computer
- Cyberpunk 2077
- Going to visit New Zealand
- Waiting for a new Kendrick Lamar album, a new album by Full of Hell, or a new album by Moloch (some of my favorite artists)
- Getting to finish some books on my shelf (Annihilation, HP Lovecraft's works, The Dark Tower, Wheel of Time, the rest of Nietzche's works, and so many more)
- Possibly seeing the last two GRRM books come out
- Getting to try all the bizarre foods of the earth (odd insects and animals of any kind)

These are just a few of the things that were on my mind that I won't have the chance to do if I carry out my plan next week. It makes me sad but I know I can't handle life anymore.

What are some things you guys wanted to do?

This sounds like a great list of things to look forward to. What makes the pain of life so inbearable for you, if you don't mind me asking? I hope everythgin turns out great for you and you get to experience all the stuff on your list :)

 

[OldGod]

This sounds like a great list of things to look forward to. What makes the pain of life so inbearable for you, if you don't mind me asking? I hope everythgin turns out great for you and you get to experience all the stuff on your list :)

No matter how hard I try to live straight it seems that I can't escape this awful black cloud following me. Drugs, death, depression, it's all over my area. My life is surrounded by it. Even more unbearable is the pain of losing people, either from drifting apart or being cut off or death. I'm tired of missing the good times and I'm tired of all my hopes and dreams for the future being swept away. God is always laughing at my plans, it seems.

 

[randomz]

No matter how hard I try to live straight it seems that I can't escape this awful black cloud following me. Drugs, death, depression, it's all over my area. My life is surrounded by it. Even more unbearable is the pain of losing people, either from drifting apart or being cut off or death. I'm tired of missing the good times and I'm tired of all my hopes and dreams for the future being swept away. God is always laughing at my plans, it seems.

I know what you mean and how you feel. I guess....such is life there are many good things to it, but also many that are not so good. I am sure life will start showing you its good face soon. And also, your dreams are dreams worth living and fighting for.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

The truth is, I don't want to go.

I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have a career, I wanted to do big things, I wanted to see the world. There were so many movies I wanted to see, books I wanted to read, bands I wanted to check out, games I wanted to play, food I wanted to eat. I guess there's always going to be something I'm going to want to do and it just doesn't outweigh the pain of existence.

Short list of things I was looking forward to:

- Raising children to be better than me in every way and teaching them new things every day
- Becoming a writer or a film director, even small time
- Finishing my documentary short film
- Getting a big house with a theater and a bar
- The Many Saints of Newark (Sopranos prequel)
- Building a new computer
- Cyberpunk 2077
- Going to visit New Zealand
- Waiting for a new Kendrick Lamar album, a new album by Full of Hell, or a new album by Moloch (some of my favorite artists)
- Getting to finish some books on my shelf (Annihilation, HP Lovecraft's works, The Dark Tower, Wheel of Time, the rest of Nietzche's works, and so many more)
- Possibly seeing the last two GRRM books come out
- Getting to try all the bizarre foods of the earth (odd insects and animals of any kind)

These are just a few of the things that were on my mind that I won't have the chance to do if I carry out my plan next week. It makes me sad but I know I can't handle life anymore.

What are some things you guys wanted to do?

I just wanted to spend time with my friends and family one more time before I leave and enjoy the things I love to do, but I don't have any more strength in my to do anything anymore.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I am sure life will start showing you its good face soon.

Do you have a source for that info?

:)

 

[highlyvolatile]

The truth is, I don't want to go.

I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have a career, I wanted to do big things, I wanted to see the world. There were so many movies I wanted to see, books I wanted to read, bands I wanted to check out, games I wanted to play, food I wanted to eat. I guess there's always going to be something I'm going to want to do and it just doesn't outweigh the pain of existence.

Short list of things I was looking forward to:

- Raising children to be better than me in every way and teaching them new things every day
- Becoming a writer or a film director, even small time
- Finishing my documentary short film
- Getting a big house with a theater and a bar
- The Many Saints of Newark (Sopranos prequel)
- Building a new computer
- Cyberpunk 2077
- Going to visit New Zealand
- Waiting for a new Kendrick Lamar album, a new album by Full of Hell, or a new album by Moloch (some of my favorite artists)
- Getting to finish some books on my shelf (Annihilation, HP Lovecraft's works, The Dark Tower, Wheel of Time, the rest of Nietzche's works, and so many more)
- Possibly seeing the last two GRRM books come out
- Getting to try all the bizarre foods of the earth (odd insects and animals of any kind)

These are just a few of the things that were on my mind that I won't have the chance to do if I carry out my plan next week. It makes me sad but I know I can't handle life anymore.

What are some things you guys wanted to do?

I also want a new K.dot album. Id wanted to play animal crossing. Also see my chemical romance live but i really do want to leave more than all of these things.

 

[OldGod]

I also want a new K.dot album. Id wanted to play animal crossing. Also see my chemical romance live but i really do want to leave more than all of these things.

I feel like even if I stayed alive I would never get to see MCR because I don't feel like spending $300+ for a ticket lol Plus, Kendrick is never gonna beat To Pimp a Butterfly in my opinion. I could listen to that album front to back on repeat, and have many times.

 

[highlyvolatile]

I feel like even if I stayed alive I would never get to see MCR because I don't feel like spending $300+ for a ticket lol Plus, Kendrick is never gonna beat To Pimp a Butterfly in my opinion. I could listen to that album front to back on repeat, and have many times.

Honestly? Same. TPAB is a classic, one of my favs by him. And I was so upset about the MCR tickets... I could honestly listen to it all day too. I was especially excited when id heard MCR got back together i was and still is a huge fan.

 

[Lunaloveflood]

I wanted to :
-fall in love
-sing in front of people at a concert or something like that
- write an entire song that I like and I'm proud of
- have my own house with horses in a meadow
-Being able to go outside without being anxious
-Have a job that I like

 

[OldGod]

Honestly? Same. TPAB is a classic, one of my favs by him. And I was so upset about the MCR tickets... I could honestly listen to it all day too. I was especially excited when id heard MCR got back together i was and still is a huge fan.

Check out "clipping." if you're into story-telling in hip-hop. Their albums "There Existed an Addiction to Blood" and "Splendor and Misery" are crazy.

And I was also very excited but I feel like MCR will never be as good as they were if they put out another album. Every time a band comes back their new stuff never hits like the old stuff. Even "Danger Days" I wasn't huge on, I'm not sure what it was. Too colorful and flamboyant (not to say that I don't enjoy those qualities in other music) maybe, I prefer when they had a harsher tone like "Three Cheers..."

I wanted to :
-fall in love
-sing in front of people at a concert or something like that
- write an entire song that I like and I'm proud of
- have my own house with horses in a meadow
-Being able to go outside without being anxious
-Have a job that I like

So many of these things could be accomplished in quite a short amount of time! What's stopping you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[highlyvolatile]

Check out "clipping." if you're into story-telling in hip-hop. Their albums "There Existed an Addiction to Blood" and "Splendor and Misery" are crazy.

And I was also very excited but I feel like MCR will never be as good as they were if they put out another album. Every time a band comes back their new stuff never hits like the old stuff. Even "Danger Days" I wasn't huge on, I'm not sure what it was. Too colorful and flamboyant (not to say that I don't enjoy those qualities in other music) maybe, I prefer when they had a harsher tone like "Three Cheers..."

I'll definitely look into it for sure. Thanks for the recommendation!
As for MCR i do feel a little.. cautious about when their new stuff finally releases but if im still around when its out ill give it a listen. Danger days and those like few lil ep's to come out after definitely wasnt like their old stuff but I do hear what you're saying. Maybe this new one will be something different or similar to their old stuff. sorry to derail the thread also

 

[OldGod]

I'll definitely look into it for sure. Thanks for the recommendation!
As for MCR i do feel a little.. cautious about when their new stuff finally releases but if im still around when its out ill give it a listen. Danger days and those like few lil ep's to come out after definitely wasnt like their old stuff but I do hear what you're saying. Maybe this new one will be something different or similar to their old stuff. sorry to derail the thread also

Derailing it? Not at all, I put this up so we could all talk about things we like or wanted to experience.

Here's a couple recommendations by the way:

clipping. - Nothing is Safe

clipping. - All Black

 

[Cave Johnson]

My list is extensive, but I'll put a few on here.
-Learn to write music so I can show others the orchestral pieces that play in my mind.
-Try DMT
-Go to space.
-Experience being actually happy so I know what people are talking about.
-Experience love as an emotion rather than a simple chemical response.

 

[OldGod]

My list is extensive, but I'll put a few on here.
-Learn to write music so I can show others the orchestral pieces that play in my mind.
-Try DMT
-Go to space.
-Experience being actually happy so I know what people are talking about.
-Experience love as an emotion rather than a simple chemical response.

I love LSD and I still have a stash of DMT that I've been too afraid to try out. As far as music goes, try downloading some music software and messing around with it. Just to see.

Experiencing love and happiness, that all depends on what you're looking for. You can surely experience it though.

 

[Cave Johnson]

I love LSD and I still have a stash of DMT that I've been too afraid to try out. As far as music goes, try downloading some music software and messing around with it. Just to see.

Experiencing love and happiness, that all depends on what you're looking for. You can surely experience it though.

Not a bad idea on the musical front, I'll have to see what I can do there.
On the love and happiness front; I don't know what happiness actually feels like. It's possible I was happy when I was younger, but if so I don't recall it. I understand it on a conceptual level but I don't actually understand it on an emotional level. Similar issue with love, whether familial or otherwise. I have experienced what I think people talk about as love in terms of a chemical reaction, but I have difficulty understanding what people actually mean.

Let's say for a moment that a family member of mine died. Unlike most people I wouldn't be particularly broken up by it. Their absence from my life would kinda suck as I've gotten used to them being there, but there would be little to no emotional reaction because I don't "love" them the way other people seem to "love" one another. I simply don't understand this one on a conceptual level.

 

[Lunaloveflood]

So many of these things could be accomplished in quite a short amount of time! What's stopping you if you don't mind me asking?

I'm having a hard time going out and socializing so most of those things seem impossible or too hard to do in a lifetime (only "seem" because with some will power it's possible ) but writing a good song is not entirely impossible i should try more often ^^

 

[sadgirl2002]

Mine isn't much, I'm sure others have many more things they wanted to do in life. I never really had big aspirations, I've only ever wanted just one thing. I just wanted to have true love in my life, get married, have kids. It's the one and only dream I've had ever since I was a kid, especially throughout high school. I know I would be like one of those really devoted wives back in the olden days who lives only for their husband. I do have a true love someone but I don't know if he will ever come back... I have hope though. I don't need anything else in life, just to live with my true love, be there for him, be loyal to him, support him and make him happy, forever. I'd like to be a housewife, I know that's frowned upon in this day and age but that was the dream I had all those years. I would do anything for him to come back to me. I'm living only for just that.

 

[Dead beat dad]

The truth is, I don't want to go.

I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have a career, I wanted to do big things, I wanted to see the world. There were so many movies I wanted to see, books I wanted to read, bands I wanted to check out, games I wanted to play, food I wanted to eat. I guess there's always going to be something I'm going to want to do and it just doesn't outweigh the pain of existence.

Short list of things I was looking forward to:

- Raising children to be better than me in every way and teaching them new things every day
- Becoming a writer or a film director, even small time
- Finishing my documentary short film
- Getting a big house with a theater and a bar
- The Many Saints of Newark (Sopranos prequel)
- Building a new computer
- Cyberpunk 2077
- Going to visit New Zealand
- Waiting for a new Kendrick Lamar album, a new album by Full of Hell, or a new album by Moloch (some of my favorite artists)
- Getting to finish some books on my shelf (Annihilation, HP Lovecraft's works, The Dark Tower, Wheel of Time, the rest of Nietzche's works, and so many more)
- Possibly seeing the last two GRRM books come out
- Getting to try all the bizarre foods of the earth (odd insects and animals of any kind)

These are just a few of the things that were on my mind that I won't have the chance to do if I carry out my plan next week. It makes me sad but I know I can't handle life anymore.

What are some things you guys wanted to do?

I feel you deeply brother. So many things.
For me the list is just like a pile of burning leaves these days. The one thing I want more than anything is peace, just a sleep that never ends (and I won't even know it).
Good luck to you my brother, I hope you can find what you're looking for.
DBD

 

[Dannyboy]

My list is extensive, but I'll put a few on here.
-Learn to write music so I can show others the orchestral pieces that play in my mind.
-Try DMT
-Go to space.
-Experience being actually happy so I know what people are talking about.
-Experience love as an emotion rather than a simple chemical response.

I have tried DMT on a few occasions. It is something really unique. If you do DMT you are basically going to space. so i guess you can do two for one there:D

 

[nerve]

This one hurts. It's so hard to let go of some of these things. If there wasnt so much I wanted to do with my time here, I doubt I'd still be around, but it's just soul crushing to watch these little dreams fade over and over. Like I shouldn't even be thinking about positive stuff like this when my life's been such a mess for this long. It's not "for me." I'm in a lower caste.

Mostly I wanted to be happily married. One day I was thinking about it and realized I just don't care anymore. Like whatever. There's probably no one out there I like enough anyway and all I have to offer are problems so why would anyone commit to me and people with serious mental illness typically don't do well in marriages so it's probably better this way. All the magic and hope and idealism was gone. It's just another part of life I'm not participating in now.

 

[EdibleGasMask]

I've always started things but my problems always got in the way of my goals/aspirations
- Start a band with my friend (He works harder on music than anyone I know and I feel like I just drag him down)
- Meet my online friends in real life
- Visit Italy
- Visit Peru with my friend
- Meet my father
- Always did want to try DMT but i'm a pussy
- Try Ayahuasca
If I didn't mess up so much I could have done most of my bucket list but thinking about the list I wrote too much made me throw it away

 

[Deathbydemo]

I wanted to watch my son grow into a wonderful, lovely young man. I wanted to celebrate my 30th birthday with my best friend doing something fun and crazy. I wanted to visit New York one day again and see things I didn't get to the first time. I wanted to love and be loved by the love of my life. All things that now will never happen.

 

[BlackCatTalk]

I only want to ctb, thats all that I want tho....

 

[Quarky00]

I never wanted those things ... When I had some feelings I adored children and animals , but I intentionally avoided having those because I knew I would have to go away (and there would be no one to care for them).

I never really wanted something . I knew I'm not really here anymore . So no point in having or wanting something ..

I probably wanted some things a decade ago , but I don't remember what , and don't care :)

 

[Shinbu]

If all the bad in the world disappeared such as death, aging, social status, hunger, thirst, diseases, skin disorders, climate change, and other stuff went away. Then I would want to live. If I was in a reality like that.
I would have told my last crush my true feelings for her. If she didn't feel the same I would have asked someone else out.
I would have kept listening to music from my favorite music artists.
I would have kept watching anime.
I would have kept playing video games.
I would have kept practicing on electric guitar, and the harmonica to become a successful musician. Maybe someday I would learn how to play the piano, and the violin.
I would have kept practicing singing
I would have joined a study abroad program to learn Japanese.
I would have went to some concerts as well.

 

[OldGod]

Not a bad idea on the musical front, I'll have to see what I can do there.
On the love and happiness front; I don't know what happiness actually feels like. It's possible I was happy when I was younger, but if so I don't recall it. I understand it on a conceptual level but I don't actually understand it on an emotional level. Similar issue with love, whether familial or otherwise. I have experienced what I think people talk about as love in terms of a chemical reaction, but I have difficulty understanding what people actually mean.

Let's say for a moment that a family member of mine died. Unlike most people I wouldn't be particularly broken up by it. Their absence from my life would kinda suck as I've gotten used to them being there, but there would be little to no emotional reaction because I don't "love" them the way other people seem to "love" one another. I simply don't understand this one on a conceptual level.

I'm with you on the family member thing, I don't even go to family funerals. My family doesn't understand it. Do you think maybe you just haven't met someone you loved yet?

I'm having a hard time going out and socializing so most of those things seem impossible or too hard to do in a lifetime (only "seem" because with some will power it's possible ) but writing a good song is not entirely impossible i should try more often ^^

Try going to social events. Look up a concert on Facebook, you can get into a show for like $10-$15 if they're underground bands. Go to a pool hall. Go to a dance night. Go to a lecture. Even just go to the bar. But just remember, people aren't always going to walk right up to you and start conversation. You gotta put some effort into it but the more you do it the easier it becomes. It's just the first step that's hard.

And writing is fun, just look up things that inspire you one day or take a walk or something and start writing things down. It'll come to you in no time. I always carry my notebook with me and it's nearly filled now.

 

[Cave Johnson]

I'm with you on the family member thing, I don't even go to family funerals. My family doesn't understand it. Do you think maybe you just haven't met someone you loved yet?

It's certainly possible I suppose. It's kind of why I said I want to experience it, I don't necessarily think I'm incapable, but I suppose that's possible too.