I think most people don't view children as humans but rather as things. They gush over this idea they have in their head of a cute little thing that they can play with, cuddle with, dress up, etc, without ever thinking about the child and their well-being. They see them as something they can use to bring joy into their life or to save their relationship. They are something they can push all their aspirations on to and can live through. Then they have them and realize that children aren't all sunshines and rainbows. They're little human-beings who need to learn how to control and evaluate their emotions, how boundaries work, how to be considerate of others, how to communicate and express their feelings properly, etc.
I think that deciding to have children is always a selfish decision. It annoys me how parents will act as though they did something selfless and admirable by giving life to someone who never asked for it in the first. To make matters worse, most parents get upset when you tell them to actually respect their children. They will use every excuse in the book to brush away any criticisms or concerns in regards to how they treat their kids.
If I were to yell, insult, or hit another adult, I could get in trouble. It would be considered a bad thing and I'd be shamed for it. If I were to use the excuse of "well, I'm just disciplining them" or "well, I've been _______ before and I'm okay" to invalidate any concerns people had over my actions, people would wonder if I was crazy or something. Do the same things but towards a child and it's suddenly alright.
Children aren't afforded the luxury of having their boundaries respected, being allowed to express their emotions, having their opinions heard, etc, and people think it's fine. These people who talk about wanting kids and loving them so muchcare less about treating them with basic human decency than me, some dumbass who can't stand the idea of being a mom! How is it that the same people who will go as far as to shame others (especially women) for not having kids because they love them so much can't even be bothered with reflecting on how they and society treat and view children? It always confused since I started thinking about these things back in high school! I was even more of an idiot back then than I am now (I'm not even joking, I'm so dumb that I can't even follow basic instructions without getting confused)!
People have children out of a mixture of instinct, expectation, and because they view them as objects. They're a thing to them and nothing else. Most parents should not be parents. If you can't even do something as simple as not scream a whole bunch at your kid then why are you having kids? I don't identify as anti-natalist, however I find myself slowly being pushed more and more towards that philosphy everyday.
I'm sorry about going a bit off topic here with my rant about how people treat children. It just annoys me how people will do anything to but reflect on their actions towards children, along with how others treated them as a child and how that made them feel at the time. I'm not a good person. I used to be pretty aggressive towards my younger brother when I was younger. I think I was just projecting a lot of my feelings on to him at the time and directing my anger on to him. My behaviour towards him thankfully changed after I decided to cut off my stepmother near the end of grade 8. I just can't help but think back to then and feel guilty. I constantly worry that I might have messed him up for life and all the trauma I caused him is just swirling around in there, waiting to explode. It makes me wonder how people could treat children the way they do and not feel guilty about it. How can they not feel bad about making their child fear them in any capacity. You are their PARENT! A CHILD SHOULD NEVER FEAR THEIR PARENT! You can give them all of the decades of research we have on common "disciplinary methods" that actually have serious long-term side effects associated with them and are ineffective and they will argue tooth and nail to justify using them. People will talk about "protecting the children" but then harm and scare their children when they misbehave a bit, break something on accident, etc. They'll throw their kid out of their home for being queer, but somehow I'm expected to belive they care about children? I remember back, when I was around 10 or 11, watching my friend cry after her mom hit her and having her tell me about how she prays to god and writes to him asking if he could make her stop doing that. Her mom wasn't hitting her until she was black and blue, yet the pain that came from having someone she loved and looked up to hurting her and violating her boundaries was enough for her to go pray to him after every time it happened, begging him to make her understand her pain and get her to stop. I didn't fully understand it at the time but now that I'm older I can see how truly heart-breaking it is.
There is no reason for anyone to have children. Deciding to have a child is a selfish decision and if you decide to have one then you should at the very least go out of your way to go beyond and above for them. Viewing and treating them as a human-being who deserves the same amount of respect as anyone else and understanding that they are young and still learning a lot and helping them with that should be the standard that all parents should try and meet.
