woofwag
Bad dog
- Sep 17, 2025
- 168
One where I wasn't disabled. Where I did graduate on time. Where my system didn't leave me. Where I didn't suffer from burnout and could actually do the things I love doing. One where I have money. I can picture it. But I know it's impossible to ever achieve it.
I think even a little more money rn would help me ride out a couple more months. But my savings are gone, and so is most of myself. I understand now why people call suicide a "tragedy." This could have been prevented had I received proper help early on. And actually been able to get on disability in time.
I think I am mourning the death of myself. So I shall destroy what little is left of me, with as many drugs as I can find, raves I can go to, people I can hook up with, and self-destruction I can sow. I have been good at killing my nine lives. It seems this last one, my body, will be the most difficult. There can be skill in that. I can be somewhat prideful of my dedication to peace. And like a dog out back, I'll trick myself into looking away as it happens. Maybe the day that I die, the stars will be bright, and I can pretend that I am counting them like sheep to herd myself off to a dream of a better, more peaceful place.
I think even a little more money rn would help me ride out a couple more months. But my savings are gone, and so is most of myself. I understand now why people call suicide a "tragedy." This could have been prevented had I received proper help early on. And actually been able to get on disability in time.
I think I am mourning the death of myself. So I shall destroy what little is left of me, with as many drugs as I can find, raves I can go to, people I can hook up with, and self-destruction I can sow. I have been good at killing my nine lives. It seems this last one, my body, will be the most difficult. There can be skill in that. I can be somewhat prideful of my dedication to peace. And like a dog out back, I'll trick myself into looking away as it happens. Maybe the day that I die, the stars will be bright, and I can pretend that I am counting them like sheep to herd myself off to a dream of a better, more peaceful place.
