Venting There's a bag full of pills in my bedroom

[luisamanequim]

There's a bag full of pills in my room with a lot of controlled substances (a lot pills for convulsions and epilepsy and a few pills of antidepressants) and a bunch of heart and blood pressure medications, most of them, almost all of them are expired. Recently the grandmother and mother of my sisters friend passed away and we decided to help him clean his huge appartment and because I want(ed?) to work in the medical field I was responsible for cleaning out the medication and I decided that I would take the pills to a farmacy to properly dispose them but I can't. A lot of them are expired and I feel they could do some damage but I'm not feeling suicidal right now, my racional part of my brain is telling me to dispose them now but the other part is telling me to hide them under my bed until I have a crisis and swallow them all. I don't know what do, I don't know if I can recover and be happy and I don't even know if I want to try but everytime I think about the future it gives me severe anxiety and I want to die, I hate it, I wish I just had the guts to just end it all.

 

[sleepyhollow]

Hey there! I have a few thoughts on this. Firstly, I don't know how deeply you were affected by it, if at all, but I am sorry for your loss nonetheless. I will leave it at that, but you are more than welcome to discuss your feelings with me and others regarding her passing .

Aside from that, you have a bunch of semi-random expired pills. Emphasis on the expired. Though they may retain some of their potency, it is likely a whole lot less than, say, a fresh pill would have. This means that, should you choose to gobble down those pills, you would have to obtain and consume more of them in order to achieve the same affect. In addition, since there is an assortment of pills, some of them might even counteract one another when taken at the same time, which would not be at all conducive to what your intentions likely would be if you were inclined to ingest the entirety of that bag of pills. Lastly, it is hard to swallow a lot of pills. Period. On average, a person cannot swallow more than 4 times in a row, so the less pills you have to swallow, the better.

However, the entirety of the above paragraph is only applicable if you actually want to end it. In your words, "...I'm not feeling suicidal right now...." If I were you I would just leave it at that. Being suicidal is not the best state of being, to say the least (not that it's bad to want to die, I just know from experience, past and present, that there are many other ways I would rather feel). Basically, I would recommed that you dispose of the pills, since they are not a reliable method anyways. However, I do understand wanting to have a failsafe, in case things do go wrong and you deem it necessary, but there are better ways (which I am neither qualified nor inclined to diclose).

Hope this helps!