I don't think there's sth strong enough you can get without prescription. Probably you should consider getting strong meds (benzos?) for insomnia or the like that really knock you out? But they'd be only available via prescription, I guess.
I'm sorry you have to go through all this. I hope you find peace!
Dextromethorphan is an OTC NMDA antagonist/dissociative anaesthetic. You can literally order 5.4g/12 bottles of RoboCough off Amazon for $35. Other dissociative anaesthetics include ketamine, PCP, and MXE. These will largely decrease pain and suffering, particularly from cutting, drowning...
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