BecomingTired
Lov3rBoy<3
- Feb 23, 2024
- 109
I don't understand. I try my best to be there for them, for whatever situation they might be in. I pick up on their feelings even on the least obvious moments to the point they share gratitude for me always wanting to support them. I purposely show as much affection as possible to let them know there is someone out there who loves for and cares for them; yet every goddamn fucking time i try to open up to a single one of these people who I constantly supported, they express discomfort and immediately start showing disinterest if I try to talk any further. Even when they don't and tell me they care, if I EVER were to accidentally go against them at the wrong mood, they pull out all the insecurities I told them like a knife in the back to viciously insult me in a fit of rage; I just constantly take their insults, their swears, their venting and try again at being their support until they feel better about themselves and stop. It's to the point they treat my lack of self-worth as me just being a 'saint' in their equally sad lives and they "can't imagine life without me".
I genuinely want to be there for them and want them to be happy so I just try to ignore it but each time it just sticks. It never goes away, just silently gnawing at my sanity as I live out my already horrible, depressing life. That was not even my breaking point. It was when the one time I fucked up and gave half-hearted support (because of things that happened IRL got me into an even more sad mood than usual), I get sent screenshots of them telling people everything I told them, just to be mocked by them all due to how "pathetic" I seemed.
I can't even think anymore without my mind hurting right now, and the worst thing is that I still don't want to bring myself to cutting off the relationship; funnily enough, despite being the one relied on, I became the person attached.
I genuinely want to be there for them and want them to be happy so I just try to ignore it but each time it just sticks. It never goes away, just silently gnawing at my sanity as I live out my already horrible, depressing life. That was not even my breaking point. It was when the one time I fucked up and gave half-hearted support (because of things that happened IRL got me into an even more sad mood than usual), I get sent screenshots of them telling people everything I told them, just to be mocked by them all due to how "pathetic" I seemed.
I can't even think anymore without my mind hurting right now, and the worst thing is that I still don't want to bring myself to cutting off the relationship; funnily enough, despite being the one relied on, I became the person attached.