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There is a war inside of me!
Thread starterGonnerr
Start date
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I personally don't feel any conflict, I have no S.I. left in me. I'm just researching and making my final decisions, before putting everything into action soon.
Death, death, death. I have no fight left in me. Seriously, if someone were to point a gun at me, I'd probably burst into laughter and not plead with them to spare my life.
Reactions:
Winterreise, Hollowman, breezeboy and 1 other person
I'd always prefer to not exist no matter what in my case, I don't believe that existence could ever be a desirable state especially as there is no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they are trapped in this futile existence. But no matter what all existing beings are destined for nowhere but to die anyway, inevitably this existence will just disappear into nothingness.
It feels more like I'm on death row. I feel like death is the best thing. So basically- life doesn't look at all good in the long-term. Death is really the only solution to that. No pro-lifer can stop aging or the illnesses that come with it. No pro-lifer will want to top up my pension so that I'm not working in my 70's or 80's. So- life simply can't win in the long-term.
For now though, I feel stuck here until my Dad goes first. So, it feels like my death sentence has been approved but someone keeps submitting appeals to delay it.
Feels like I'm not even me. Someone else is controlling me and every day that passes by is just another shitty day but another day closer toward my CTB
Yeah, I get that. I'm stuck seeing if I can motivate myself to continue on and maybe get better or whether how things are will be the best it will get now.
Death. Death wins in the end. While it's good that you're trying to consider so many factors(i love it when everything works out), trying it on a smaller scale would be a tad bit less taxing
Feels like I'm not even me. Someone else is controlling me and every day that passes by is just another shitty day but another day closer toward my CTB
I see it. I've got DID, and I often feel the inferior soul controlling the body that contains so many identities who could do better should they have their dedicated bodies. I'll end it all because I don't want to bring them any more shame having to be imprisoned not only in a sick flesh prison but one that the world hates. I won't bring any more shame to them. Without a target to see, the world won't hurt my identities anymore.
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