autistocracy
angel
- Dec 1, 2022
- 44
Today was my second session with my therapist after being discharged from a psych hospital last week.
I've been working with her since January of this year. I really like her, but I'm realizing that there's really no point in continuing with therapy. It feels very disappointing because I wanted to give recovery another honest chance,b ut my life circumstances are just bad. Therapy can't really do anything about that. I thought maybe I could learn some coping skills to deal with it, but they're not effective. I've been doing nothing but crying and talking about wanting to die in our sessions the past five weeks; Today being no different.
I feel embarrassed and stupid, and I'm scared she's getting tired of me talking about the same thing over and over. I had to lie and tell her I'd give my medications to a close friend so she wouldn't call 911 on me. It felt patronizing. I know from her perspective, this is her job, and she's required to ensure I'm not going to kill myself. I just hate how belittling it feels to be an adult and be threatened with hospitalization. If I can't talk about my suicidal thoughts, then I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to talk about. I literally cannot afford to go to the hospital again, in both cost and also time away from working.
I feel like I've just been wasting my time trying to do this. Nothing is really working. The therapy, the antidepressants, etc. Disappointing.
I've been working with her since January of this year. I really like her, but I'm realizing that there's really no point in continuing with therapy. It feels very disappointing because I wanted to give recovery another honest chance,b ut my life circumstances are just bad. Therapy can't really do anything about that. I thought maybe I could learn some coping skills to deal with it, but they're not effective. I've been doing nothing but crying and talking about wanting to die in our sessions the past five weeks; Today being no different.
I feel embarrassed and stupid, and I'm scared she's getting tired of me talking about the same thing over and over. I had to lie and tell her I'd give my medications to a close friend so she wouldn't call 911 on me. It felt patronizing. I know from her perspective, this is her job, and she's required to ensure I'm not going to kill myself. I just hate how belittling it feels to be an adult and be threatened with hospitalization. If I can't talk about my suicidal thoughts, then I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to talk about. I literally cannot afford to go to the hospital again, in both cost and also time away from working.
I feel like I've just been wasting my time trying to do this. Nothing is really working. The therapy, the antidepressants, etc. Disappointing.