One therapist said to me "You've got to start doing things for yourself". Yeah, Like I just woke up one day and thought "I'm gonna try and see if I can get away with not doing any of my responsibilities and see what happens".
She then said "You need to start writing things down. To which I explained that I'm 50. I know about the concept of writing things down so we don't forget them, but what happens when, despite you writing something down, you still get it wrong.
She later (well, the call was about 10 minutes) said I"You told me something different last time" and I tried to explain that I didn't say something different last time. I was explaining what I had just explained, but she interupted when I was mid response and asked another question, which I then had to answer, but forgot to say later there was something I hadn't finished. Had she have just listened she would have heard that my answer was the opposite to what she concluded.
Then on the next call she said "You need to start writing things down, stick then on the front door or something".Sheeesh, I had to explainagain "But what happens when that stops working, You are one step behind and if you don't catch up you cant help me".
Another person I speak to from the 'Wellbeing team' is great, understands a lot and is even explaining what si going on in my head, and it makes sense. But she is only someone who refers me to others for help, not give me direct help herself.
I even had an appointment with someone at the job centre whos houdl be helping me get another job. Pretty much everything he said showed they are seeing cause and effect the wrong way around.
I'm not someone who needs encouagemnet or motivation. I have an idea for a website and app that ultimately could help with managing fish stocks. I didn't think of that because there is money at the end of it. I thought of it because the idea came and I can see the wider reward for others. I expect no pay from doing the project. That is self motivation. The problem is, I can't shake the momeories or injustice of what I have been though so I can't get though depression and whatever else to be able to focus on the project. I am perfectly fine to do a full time job and work on this in my own time but I can need a full time job where I am not abused in so I don't go home feeling like killing myself. It shouldn't be something you need help in finding.
