Venting therapy rant

[abcz]

Yes I got annoyed with therapy last week. I get annoyed with it every week. And I have the fear that whatever I do, I'm going to be sent away. Which is stupid as I am being told this isn't the case. But that is besides the point.

My therapist today told me that me feeling suicidal is like an ocd thing. I don't have ocd. And then I felt like one of those people who claim those things for attention. And I don't want to be like that. It also makes a part of me want to prove to her that I actually can but spite is prob the wrong reason there. Also she went on about how I was different than other suicidal people and then I felt like internally dying as in her instance I think it was more someone that had never mentioned it in the story died because of debt, but then I felt like it was saying that in a sense, other suicidal people are supposed to be less than or something. But I know all of yall and I'd say that yall are better than me. And I just felt kind of wrong while being in there. I'm just bad at leaving early because I am scared of getting in trouble tbh and feel that could happen if I refused or left with like half the time left.

Somehow I always feel like crap after therapy and I hate it.

 

[Innereye]

consider either shopping around for one you vibe with better, or taking a break all together. nobody ive met that claimed therapy helped them came out feeling like shit every time. wish u the best mate.

 

[lita-lassi]

if you dont want to be there and arent open to what theyre saying and they arent open to what youre saying/able to work with you in a way you find comfortable, it is likely not a good place for you to be. be honest and tell them the frustrations and anxiety therapy makes you feel and why, see what they say about you continuing to go

 

[abcz]

Another bit of context that is probably missing is that I said something to another person here at school and so then it became bigger than I thought it would be and I essentually have to go to therapy or stop going to school here. And I'm told I can re-evaluate in 6 weeks but I also am bad at connecting with therapists and have been fine with 2 out of all of the ones I've seen tbh. I actually feel better talking to the guidance counselor than I do the therapist but unfortunately I can't count that instead.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's unclear to me what your therapist meant but given what I have experienced especially regarding their understanding of suicide, it wss probably stupid.

So you have to be in counseling or you'll be kicked out of your school?

 

[abcz]

It's unclear to me what your therapist meant but given what I have experienced especially regarding their understanding of suicide, it wss probably stupid.

So you have to be in counseling or you'll be kicked out of your school?

yeah at least for now. I honestly think I am lucky they didn't send me to the hospital as it is their usually policy. I asked someone else to harm me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

yeah at least for now. I honestly think I am lucky they didn't send me to the hospital as it is their usually policy. I asked someone else to harm me.

If you're not an immediate danger to yourself or someone else they shouldn't. What do you mean you asked someone to harm you?

 

[lita-lassi]

If you're not an immediate danger to yourself or someone else they shouldn't. What do you mean you asked someone to harm you?

asking someone else to hurt you counts as both

 

[Worndown]

Get a second opinion.

 

[abcz]

If you're not an immediate danger to yourself or someone else they shouldn't. What do you mean you asked someone to harm you?

I asked someone to cut me essentually. I'm not great with pain and try to avoid it so I don't see myself as able like others and honestly think they are stronger than me most of the time tbh.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I asked someone to cut me essentually. I'm not great with pain and try to avoid it so I don't see myself as able like others and honestly think they are stronger than me most of the time tbh.

What was that person's response? I imagine you told your therapist about this; is that what prompted the stuff you said she told you that didn't sit well with you?

 

[abcz]

What was that person's response? I imagine you told your therapist about this; is that what prompted the stuff you said she told you that didn't sit well with you?

I didn't realize said person was recovering from self harm, nor did it occur to me that if someone struggles with self harm, it might not be a good idea to ask them. I also asked in front of a group of people and actually I think my therapist was told by the school counselor who had found out as someone told the head of school.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

Hi OP. I have an experience similar to yours. After a CBT attempt while in college the school made a similar arrangement - I had to attend therapy or I wouldn't be able to attend. I didn't get much out of it. I'd say being forced to attend greatly influenced that.

I completely understand your feelings of being forced into sessions and afraid to leave. Forced "help" feels horrible. Just thinking about it is upsetting to me. The power imbalance is shitty.

Considering it's in an institutional structure there may not be space to request someone else, but I'd try for that - of possible.

You mentioned the school counselor. Is there opportunity to talk to them in addition to the mandatory therapist sessions? Perhaps you can share your experience and after-session feelings. They may be able to help advocate for you in finding an alternative that meets the school's expectations.

It may be difficult, but directly talking to the therapist about how you feel after sessions may be helpful. In fact that might be a way to take the reigns more.