Therapy makes me want to ctb more

[Mbound]

I went to see a therapist today, to make some people in my life happy. I swear, the mix of condescension and pity when they lower their voice to ask you if you ever think of "harming yourself" makes me want to puke. I answered honestly: no, I have no desire to harm myself.

I want to die, not suffer. Not harm myself. That's the whole point. I've had enough harm. But obviously I can't say that, because then I'm a liability and I've just printed my ticket for the psych ward. And I can't tell her why I'm stressed—about my N being taken away—because that's a guarantee my N will be taken away.

Until the mental health industry does away with involuntary commitment and the criminalization or suicidal people, a lot of people will never feel comfortable being honest with them and they have no hope of helping most of us. And their solutions suck anyway. Mindfulness and trying to stop negative self talk won't give me a body that's well suited for this planet. It won't stop my physical pain and discomfort and sensitivity. The last thing I need is to be condescended to by a healthy and well adjusted person about "coping skills" or whatever nonsense they throw at chronically ill people.

I've definitely benefited from therapy in the past, but that was back when I was set on living. I don't have that desire anymore, and now I just feel patronized and treated like another liability. No more.

 

[sunny.sativa]

That's why SS is here! You can talk about these issues. I'm glad you posted and I hope it took a bit of that strain off of you.

I hear you. Twice, I've made the mistake of getting used to a therapist and coming to trust them. I was with these two, at separate, for a long while and I thought that they'd protect my secrets and respect my wishes. They really were just collecting data to use against me.
I genuinely believe that one sent me (not only because, yes, of course she had to, essentially) because she wanted to preserve my life and to see me enjoy it and get "better". But it still hurt.

Glad you're here. Do stay.

 

[Mbound]

That's why SS is here! You can talk about these issues. I'm glad you posted and I hope it took a bit of that strain off of you.

I hear you. Twice, I've made the mistake of getting used to a therapist and coming to trust them. I was with these two, at separate, for a long while and I thought that they'd protect my secrets and respect my wishes. They really were just collecting data to use against me.
I genuinely believe that one sent me (not only because, yes, of course she had to, essentially) because she wanted to preserve my life and to see me enjoy it and get "better". But it still hurt.

Glad you're here. Do stay.

Haha I'm just imagining telling my parents "nah I don't think therapy's for me I get all the support I need from the suicide forum I'm part of"

Thank you though, and I agree with everything you said. They are often well meaning, but at the end of the day they work for the same system that would gladly forcibly detain each and every one of us, and therefore it would be a huge mistake to trust them (unless you genuinely want inpatient in which case you should just voluntarily commit yourself).

what's interesting is this therapist said "if you're not in therapy because you want to be, and you're just here because someone is forcing you, it rarely works"

THEN WHATS THE LOGIC BEHIND INVOLUNTARILY COMMITMENT AT PSYCH WARDS?!?

I know it's to "protect us from ourselves" or whatever but Jesus Christ, I'm a fully grown adult and this is not some temporary psychotic break. The system is so broken and I don't think anyone could be blamed for wanting to stay out of it. If I want more therapy type help I'll get some DBT and self help books.

 

[SinisterKid]

Its not a suicide forum, its a Pro Choice forum and there is a massive difference. So tell them you are getting therapy from a Pro Choice forum which tries to present both sides of the debate surrounding suicide and mental health issues. No one in their right mind could protest about someone being a part of that.

 

[HGL91]

@Mbound Therapy just makes me more depressed too. When I was a teen in therapy, I opened up so much and would leave crying and feeling awful. Now as an adult, I don't trust anyone, so I doubt I could do therapy even if I tried because I'd be silent the whole time.

Like you said, you learn that you have to be careful what you say so you don't end up in a psych hospital.

 

[Mbound]

Its not a suicide forum, its a Pro Choice forum and there is a massive difference. So tell them you are getting therapy from a Pro Choice forum which tries to present both sides of the debate surrounding suicide and mental health issues. No one in their right mind could protest about someone being a part of that.

I know that, and you know that, but the name of the forum is still sanctionedsuicide. I would never divulge being a member here as much as I love all of you, as that would be a one way ticket to the psych ward as well. 99% of people will never understand that this forum isn't pro-suicide, and my family definitely wouldn't. I wish people did though, I've gotten a lot of support here and never felt coerced or encouraged to ctb whatsoever.

 

[HGL91]

Yeah, even by saying it's a pro-choice forum, I think people would still let that detail go over their head once they heard the word 'suicide'.

 

[tomz323]

I went to see a therapist today, to make some people in my life happy. I swear, the mix of condescension and pity when they lower their voice to ask you if you ever think of "harming yourself" makes me want to puke. I answered honestly: no, I have no desire to harm myself.

I want to die, not suffer. Not harm myself. That's the whole point. I've had enough harm. But obviously I can't say that, because then I'm a liability and I've just printed my ticket for the psych ward. And I can't tell her why I'm stressed—about my N being taken away—because that's a guarantee my N will be taken away.

Until the mental health industry does away with involuntary commitment and the criminalization or suicidal people, a lot of people will never feel comfortable being honest with them and they have no hope of helping most of us. And their solutions suck anyway. Mindfulness and trying to stop negative self talk won't give me a body that's well suited for this planet. It won't stop my physical pain and discomfort and sensitivity. The last thing I need is to be condescended to by a healthy and well adjusted person about "coping skills" or whatever nonsense they throw at chronically ill people.

I've definitely benefited from therapy in the past, but that was back when I was set on living. I don't have that desire anymore, and now I just feel patronized and treated like another liability. No more.

Yeah I feel similar, It would be nice to just have Therapist who is blunt and honest about the world.

 

[HGL91]

Yeah I feel similar, It would be nice to just have Therapist who is blunt and honest about the world.

Haha This sounds good. If a therapist was blunt and honest about the world, what do you think they'd say?

 

[oopswronglife]

I've never met a therapist that was anything more than a good listener at best. Most weren't even that. Some were just horrible people. None were worth 100-200 eurodollarpounds an hour to "chat" with.

 

[TAW122]

Until the mental health industry does away with involuntary commitment and the criminalization or suicidal people, a lot of people will never feel comfortable being honest with them and they have no hope of helping most of us. And their solutions suck anyway. Mindfulness and trying to stop negative self talk won't give me a body that's well suited for this planet. It won't stop my physical pain and discomfort and sensitivity. The last thing I need is to be condescended to by a healthy and well adjusted person about "coping skills" or whatever nonsense they throw at chronically ill people.

This sums up my sentiments about the mental health industry and psychiatric industry (as well as Big pharma - which is another beast all together). There is NO way in hell I would ever open up to them, especially given the possible consequences that will happen. They do this mostly to protect themselves from liability first and foremost (while under the guise of help and good will), then of course, they want to look good for society so they claim and feign hospitality, which is really just a freedom trap (if you open up about your true feelings, the truth it's pretty much a good chance of getting locked up).

I personally never volunteer too much info and always answered no to questions of suicide, self-harm, or danger. It really is just a trap and I've considered mental health professionals pretty much like un-uniformed law enforcement, waiting for you to say the "wrong" thing and then take action against you (often resulting in worse problems - loss of freedom, career/job, branded for life, medical and hospital bills, stigma (word DOES get out and people DO find out, one is stigmatized for a long time). I have even made a thread on it (back when I was active on reddit's TTG subreddit).

 

[HGL91]

I've never met a therapist that was anything more than a good listener at best. Most weren't even that. Some were just horrible people. None were worth 100-200 eurodollarpounds an hour to "chat" with.

Right? It baffles me that they charge that much to listen or sharing coping skills...but I also know they probably have a masters degree or PhD and need to be able to pay that incredible debt off somehow.

This sums up my sentiments about the mental health industry and psychiatric industry (as well as Big pharma - which is another beast all together). There is NO way in hell I would ever open up to them, especially given the possible consequences that will happen. They do this mostly to protect themselves from liability first and foremost (while under the guise of help and good will), then of course, they want to look good for society so they claim and feign hospitality, which is really just a freedom trap (if you open up about your true feelings, the truth it's pretty much a good chance of getting locked up).

Right? They take interpersonal communication and speech classes in college, so they LEARN how to sound empathetic and have empathetic body language and facial expressions, when in reality, they don't actually care. That has always made me feel really uncomfortable how psychologists are like professional sociopaths...

 

[oopswronglife]

Long, long ago went on a date with a child therapist who was one of the most vile people I have ever met. Obnoxiously terrible behavior. It sort of opened my eyes to the fact that people in positions of authority and "care" are the same broken people as anyone else. I have a family member became one also, child focus as well, a few years ago and she is a pretty dishonest and messed up person with no business caring for other's mental health. Patients deserve to know this stuff but never do. Many such experiences with people have made me unable to trust new ones without thorough vetting and time and most people's egos won't allow that. I recently had a GP get super offended that I had made an appointment to interview him and see if we were a match. He was of the opinion I had an obligation to trust him and his position. Twat.

 

[HGL91]

Long, long ago went on a date with a child therapist who was one of the most vile people I have ever met. Obnoxiously terrible behavior. It sort of opened my eyes to the fact that people in positions of authority and "care" are the same broken people as anyone else. I have a family member became one also, child focus as well, a few years ago and she is a pretty dishonest and messed up person with no business caring for other's mental health. Patients deserve to know this stuff but never do. Many such experiences with people have made me unable to trust new ones without thorough vetting and time and most people's egos won't allow that. I recently had a GP get super offended that I had made an appointment to interview him and see if we were a match. He was of the opinion I had an obligation to trust him and his position. Twat.

How was the child therapist one of the most vile people you've ever met?

 

[TAW122]

Ironically, my sister is doing her residency in psychiatry, which makes me want to vomit. I would never even mention death or suicide around her and knowing her attitude on death, it's simply too risky. Growing up, she was often patronizing and condescending towards me, then also hypocritical and defensive when called out on her attitude/behaviors. Now I know that not all psychiatrists are like that, but this is simply too risky to chance so I would never open up about suicide or anything to family.

 

[HGL91]

Ironically, my sister is doing her residency in psychiatry, which makes me want to vomit. I would never even mention death or suicide around her and knowing her attitude on death, it's simply too risky. Growing up, she was often patronizing and condescending towards me, then also hypocritical and defensive when called out on her attitude/behaviors. Now I know that not all psychiatrists are like that, but this is simply too risky to chance so I would never open up about suicide or anything to family.

Maybe she'll go into the field and realize how messed up it is. When I went into Nursing, I became so angry at the health care system.

 

[TAW122]

Maybe she'll go into the field and realize how messed up it is. When I went into Nursing, I became so angry at the health care system.

Perhaps, but I never talked about it with her and she seems to be enjoying her residency so far.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I LOATHE "mindfulness". It is constantly held out as the "cure all" nowadays. It doesn't work for me. It just makes me feel more irritated. And if I have to fill out another damn "safety plan", I'm going to puke! It's like, no, I don't want to create a safety plan, that's the whole point.

 

[HGL91]

I LOATHE "mindfulness". It is constantly held out as the "cure all" nowadays. It doesn't work for me. It just makes me feel more irritated. And if I have to fill out another damn "safety plan", I'm going to puke! It's like, no, I don't want to create a safety plan, that's the whole point.

Right? Like, if I stare at an object for 20 minutes and breathe, I'm not going to be mindful. I'm going to resent that I could have done something more useful with my time.

Haha safety plans. Makes me laugh thinking about how when I was in outpatient, they all spoke to us adults like children and said "Now. Who wants to share their safety plan with the group?!?" all excited-like, as if we were sharing something super cool.

 

[Mbound]

I LOATHE "mindfulness". It is constantly held out as the "cure all" nowadays. It doesn't work for me. It just makes me feel more irritated. And if I have to fill out another damn "safety plan", I'm going to puke! It's like, no, I don't want to create a safety plan, that's the whole point.

God, same. And all the other therapy "skills" are usually built on mindfulness. I'm glad it works for a lot of people, but it feels so patronizing to me...all the little work sheets and pitiful nods as you share your traumas. For 200 an hour. No thank you, I'm good.

Right? Like, if I stare at an object for 20 minutes and breathe, I'm not going to be mindful. I'm going to resent that I could have done something more useful with my time.

Haha safety plans. Makes me laugh thinking about how when I was in outpatient, they all spoke to us adults like children and said "Now. Who wants to share their safety plan with the group?!?" all excited-like, as if we were sharing something super cool.

I have never felt more like a child than in outpatient. The group therapy was excruciating. It makes me completely understand why they're so anti suicide, they literally think we're basically children who don't understand the consequences of our actions.

 

[TAW122]

@ladolcemorte @HGL91 @Mbound Yeah fuck those 'safety' plans. I got irritated when one of my counselors in uni (back in 2015) asked me to make one only when I talked about violence in some hypothetical context, but never any plans or intention to hurt anyone. Fucking hell, it irritated the shit out of me! I noped the fuck out and never went back for that semester after that shit session (including a few other shitty sessions too).

 

[not_a_robot]

I have posted at length about my feelings on this topic, so rather than bore everybody by repeating myself, I am sitting, quietly.

Ironically, my sister is doing her residency in psychiatry, which makes me want to vomit. I would never even mention death or suicide around her and knowing her attitude on death, it's simply too risky. Growing up, she was often patronizing and condescending towards me, then also hypocritical and defensive when called out on her attitude/behaviors. Now I know that not all psychiatrists are like that, but this is simply too risky to chance so I would never open up about suicide or anything to family.

No, all psychiatrists *are* like that. Psychologists, more so. Prerequisite to the field : must enjoy manipulating others.

 

[TAW122]

I have posted at length about my feelings on this topic, so rather than bore everybody by repeating myself, I am sitting, quietly.

No, all psychiatrists *are* like that. Psychologists, more so. Prerequisite to the field : must enjoy manipulating others.

True, but since they get patients from psychologists, therapists, and what not, there is some overlap too. Another fact is that my sister's major in college was actually "psychology" so she knows quite a bit about reading people, manipulating people, and what not. Which also makes me cautious when around her and not wanting to raise red flags.

 

[HGL91]

@ladolcemorte @HGL91 @Mbound Yeah fuck those 'safety' plans. I got irritated when one of my counselors in uni (back in 2015) asked me to make one only when I talked about violence in some hypothetical context, but never any plans or intention to hurt anyone. Fucking hell, it irritated the shit out of me! I noped the fuck out and never went back for that semester after that shit session (including a few other shitty sessions too).

That's so messed up of your counselor to basically be like, "Jee...you sound violent. Maybe you should make a safety plan" I'd think in my head, "Yeah! My safety plan is not to slap you in the face for making that ridiculous comment!" Haha

 

[sunny.sativa]

Its not a suicide forum, its a Pro Choice forum and there is a massive difference. So tell them you are getting therapy from a Pro Choice forum which tries to present both sides of the debate surrounding suicide and mental health issues. No one in their right mind could protest about someone being a part of that.

I don't think it's smart to say anything about one's usage of this forum, due to its observers being completely pro-life and close-minded. We don't want that attention.

 

[SinisterKid]

I don't think it's smart to say anything about one's usage of this forum, due to its observers being completely pro-life and close-minded. We don't want that attention.

You missed the point I was attempting to make. There is a world of difference between saying you are a member of a suicide forum or saying you are a member of a pro choice forum. Whilst there are strong arguments about anyone being a member of a suicide forum, there is not one reliable argument about someone being on a pro choice forum to educate themselves about both sides of the debate. I would not hesitate to admit to being a member here. It is not something I could be "committed" for.