I know all experiences with therapy are different- I just wanted to share a positive one to let others know they can help.
From what I've read and heard from others, I know I'm lucky with my current experience in therapy. I have a therapist that actually listens and isn't scared to let me talk about my suicidal thoughts. I know I need to be careful about sharing too much, but for the most part I share most my thoughts. I guess in a way, this therapist/client relationship is keeping me alive. I say this because this has been an awful week for me mentally. And just when I think I am at the end, something happens that makes me take a step back and reconsider.
I've been with my therapist 5 years. We've been through a lot- previous suicide attempt, numerous calls placed to him when I was in a really bad place. So there is a lot of history between us.
This week has been particularly trying. I felt like I had never been more sure about my choice to CTB. I had plans to end it tonight. Earlier this week I placed a call to my therapist. We played phone tag- each just getting the other's answering service. Even though my therapist said in his message he wanted to connect we didn't. That left me feeling worse and it doesn't take much for my negative thoughts to take over. Then today happened. On a day when he doesn't even have to work, my therapist called to check on me. That made me rethink my plans for the evening. Obviously since I am still here typing this, I decided to not CTB. Who knows how long I will decide to keep living but for today it is what it is.
I guess the purpose of this thread is two-fold 1) to show that sometimes therapy can be a good thing and 2) to see if anyone else has had a similar experience with therapy
I also guess in a way I also worry about depending on my therapist too much- I don't know.
From what I've read and heard from others, I know I'm lucky with my current experience in therapy. I have a therapist that actually listens and isn't scared to let me talk about my suicidal thoughts. I know I need to be careful about sharing too much, but for the most part I share most my thoughts. I guess in a way, this therapist/client relationship is keeping me alive. I say this because this has been an awful week for me mentally. And just when I think I am at the end, something happens that makes me take a step back and reconsider.
I've been with my therapist 5 years. We've been through a lot- previous suicide attempt, numerous calls placed to him when I was in a really bad place. So there is a lot of history between us.
This week has been particularly trying. I felt like I had never been more sure about my choice to CTB. I had plans to end it tonight. Earlier this week I placed a call to my therapist. We played phone tag- each just getting the other's answering service. Even though my therapist said in his message he wanted to connect we didn't. That left me feeling worse and it doesn't take much for my negative thoughts to take over. Then today happened. On a day when he doesn't even have to work, my therapist called to check on me. That made me rethink my plans for the evening. Obviously since I am still here typing this, I decided to not CTB. Who knows how long I will decide to keep living but for today it is what it is.
I guess the purpose of this thread is two-fold 1) to show that sometimes therapy can be a good thing and 2) to see if anyone else has had a similar experience with therapy
I also guess in a way I also worry about depending on my therapist too much- I don't know.
