Therapy experiences?

[okkkk]

my therapist is a nice lady but theres no way im gonna continue seeing her. Ive had a lot of therapists in the past and overall theyre fine but it always gets to the point where they just cant comprehend what im saying. Especially when it comes to the severity of the problems i face. Im not paying a copay now but if i was it would be such a huge waste of money to just hear somone say shit like "keep your head up" and just tone deaf empty platitudes like that. Am I wierd for wanting someone who really wants to pick apart my experiences and mine them for meaning? I want to examine my behavior with the help of a third party to attempt to iron out the things holding me back and strategize for the future. Im tired of people dancing around issues and giving bland advice. Im also tired of christian therapists. not that a Christians cant have valid thoughtful opinions but I need a little bit more than faith in god to fix whats broken in my life in the present. God should not be part of the discussion at all i find that ridiculous. At least its just over zoom. I just wish there was an easy way to find someone like this that really want to hash shit out. Maybe just need a girlfriend honestly.

 

[june]

what do you want from therapy, answers or someone to listen?

 

[okkkk]

what do you want from therapy, answers or someone to listen?

i dont think those things are mutually exclusive. I want someone who i can sense genuine understanding with. I appreciate empathy which many of my therapist displayed but i guess im honestly looking for real understanding.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

The worst therapist I ever had...

I got a few free sessions from the university when I was in grad school. I demanded the psychologist rather than someone in training, those were the only two options. I was sooooo adamant.

And so I saw the psychologist.

When I talked about the overwhelming interpersonal problem I was dealing with, she just kept repeating, session after session, "You can do it!" and "You can handle it!" She was Japanese, so to this day I hear it in her accent. ("You can-a do it!" "You can-a hando wit!")

And she handed me some DBT worksheets.

That was it. Some worksheets, frustration, and a funny sound bite/anecdote.

Fucking A right I wanted more.

 

[june]

i dont think those things are mutually exclusive. I want someone who i can sense genuine understanding with. I appreciate empathy which many of my therapist displayed but i guess im honestly looking for real understanding.

Do you feel comfortable laying out the situation here? Sometimes it's just the way one words something that makes it difficult to understand

 

[autumnal]

my therapist is a nice lady but theres no way im gonna continue seeing her. Ive had a lot of therapists in the past and overall theyre fine but it always gets to the point where they just cant comprehend what im saying. Especially when it comes to the severity of the problems i face. Im not paying a copay now but if i was it would be such a huge waste of money to just hear somone say shit like "keep your head up" and just tone deaf empty platitudes like that. Am I wierd for wanting someone who really wants to pick apart my experiences and mine them for meaning? I want to examine my behavior with the help of a third party to attempt to iron out the things holding me back and strategize for the future. Im tired of people dancing around issues and giving bland advice. Im also tired of christian therapists. not that a Christians cant have valid thoughtful opinions but I need a little bit more than faith in god to fix whats broken in my life in the present. God should not be part of the discussion at all i find that ridiculous. At least its just over zoom. I just wish there was an easy way to find someone like this that really want to hash shit out. Maybe just need a girlfriend honestly.

If the majority of your therapy experiences have all reached the same point, I probably don't need to point out that the obvious commonality is you. Do you think perhaps you are seeking a deep level of understanding of your thoughts or words that is just not realistic? Or do you think you have difficulty in clearly articulating your feelings, which might be preventing therapists from understanding them in the depth you require?

Putting those questions to one side, and assuming you are being both realistic and articulate, different schools and theories of therapy have different focuses and approaches. At the most pragmatic and superficial level, therapy will target and change relatively simple behaviours. Slightly deeper than that is the challenging of erroneous or unhealthy thought patterns. If you want a therapist who really deeply examines your personal experiences and narrative, and ascribes meaning to them, you need someone who follows such an approach.

I'm also going to point out that it is very common for people who are either very difficult or (rarely) almost impossible to help to claim that their therapist is ineffective. The notion of tone-deaf or empty platitudes are as much in the eye of the beholder than they are spoken by the therapist. If you are in a mild state of distress, hearing 'Keep your head up' might seem like the most helpful and profound advice imaginable, while if you are in the dark depths of depression then even the most complex and deep statements may appear to you as empty platitudes. That's not to say that therapists can't be objectively good or bad at their jobs, but it does mean the patient isn't always in the most impartial position to determine this.

I do certainly share your views on the irrelevance of religion in a therapeutic setting, and would certainly encourage you to find non-denominational therapists in future.

I think there is some relevance in the fact that you suggest possibly just needing a girlfriend. Obviously the listening and advice qualities of a girlfriend are going to be very different to those of a therapist. Do you think a girlfriend is going to provide a happy distraction from your problems? Or is there a type or style of listening and advice that a girlfriend would provide that differs from that of a therapist?

When I talked about the overwhelming interpersonal problem I was dealing with, she just kept repeating, session after session, "You can do it!" and "You can handle it!" She was Japanese, so to this day I hear it in her accent. ("You can-a do it!" "You can-a hando wit!")

Wow. Just wow. LOL.

 

[Pryras]

I'm sorry your experiences with different therapists hasn't been helpful to your healing. It's not uncommon and a lot of people (including myself) go through numerous therapists before finding someone who we intuitively fit better with.

What type of therapy have you tried? There are several different types and each have various treatment orientations.

 

[Khyber]

I've had quite a few different counsellors and psychologists over the years. My experience has been that I would often leave the sessions feeling better, but it was only temporary. I don't think I ever really made any lasting progress, although I am more knowledgeable about human psychology. I guess it was good just talking to someone with the focus on me.

I definitely think you get what you pay for, but unfortunately therapists are expensive, particularly the better qualified ones.

My biggest issue with therapy is that it's never been a cure for me but an ongoing treatment.

 

[autumnal]

I've had quite a few different counsellors and psychologists over the years. My experience has been that I would often leave the sessions feeling better, but it was only temporary. I don't think I ever really made any lasting progress, although I am more knowledgeable about human psychology. I guess it was good just talking to someone with the focus on me.

I definitely think you get what you pay for, but unfortunately therapists are expensive, particularly the better qualified ones.

My biggest issue with therapy is that it's never been a cure for me but an ongoing treatment.

Therapy is often an ongoing and long-term, sometimes even lifelong process rather than having a definitive point of being 'cured' or finished. Or even when we think we have resolved something and cease therapy, we may still need to return for a top-up in the future as circumstances change or things resurface. That's more of a reflection on the complex issues and serious conditions involved than a shortcoming of therapy itself or any particular therapist.

Sometimes realistically the best result you may get from therapy is exactly the one you described – leaving the sessions feeling better. And that's often due to the mechanism you identified – being freely able to talk to someone when the topic is yourself.

 

[Kumachan]

The worst therapist I ever had...

I got a few free sessions from the university when I was in grad school. I demanded the psychologist rather than someone in training, those were the only two options. I was sooooo adamant.

And so I saw the psychologist.

When I talked about the overwhelming interpersonal problem I was dealing with, she just kept repeating, session after session, "You can do it!" and "You can handle it!" She was Japanese, so to this day I hear it in her accent. ("You can-a do it!" "You can-a hando wit!")

And she handed me some DBT worksheets.

That was it. Some worksheets, frustration, and a funny sound bite/anecdote.

Fucking A right I wanted more.

Sorry this didnt work out for you mate. I just love everything japanese! Was she at least cute? I know they are horrible english speakers tho)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Was she at least cute?

I could be wrong, but I think what you're asking is, did I slip away into fantasises of banging her to ease the misery of the experience? Did I at least get a fantasy diddle out of it?

No.

I'm a straight woman, so any attractiveness on her part through physical appearance or immature presentation would not have made her ineptitude more tolerable. Laughing about how she expressed her ineptitude made it more tolerable. I got a funny anecdote out of it.

 

[Epsilon0]

Sorry this didnt work out for you mate. I just love everything japanese! Was she at least cute? I know they are horrible english speakers tho)

This comment is better than an hour of therapy. Thanx for the laugh, mate!

 

[Kumachan]

I could be wrong, but I think what you're asking is, did I slip away into fantasises of banging her to ease the misery of the experience? Did I at least get a fantasy diddle out of it?

No.

I'm a straight woman, so any attractiveness on her part through physical appearance or immature presentation would not have made her ineptitude more tolerable. Laughing about how she expressed her ineptitude made it more tolerable. I got a funny anecdote out of it.

Aaa sorry I thought you were a guy for some reason:)

 

[noaccount]

NO SHIT the common factor is us, we're stuck in reality no matter what while they're all painting empty platitudes over it from a position of imbalanced power. That doesn't make them somehow right.

"They are horrible english speakers" Yeah that's not racist or anything piss off.

 

[Redpanda18]

I've had quite a few different counsellors and psychologists over the years. My experience has been that I would often leave the sessions feeling better, but it was only temporary. I don't think I ever really made any lasting progress, although I am more knowledgeable about human psychology. I guess it was good just talking to someone with the focus on me.

I definitely think you get what you pay for, but unfortunately therapists are expensive, particularly the better qualified ones.

My biggest issue with therapy is that it's never been a cure for me but an ongoing treatment.

This describes therapy perfectly for me. If I'm fixable, then give me tools to do so. I just find myself paying to go and getting immediate satisfaction, but then I'm awake at 3am back to how I was.

my therapist is a nice lady but theres no way im gonna continue seeing her. Ive had a lot of therapists in the past and overall theyre fine but it always gets to the point where they just cant comprehend what im saying. Especially when it comes to the severity of the problems i face. Im not paying a copay now but if i was it would be such a huge waste of money to just hear somone say shit like "keep your head up" and just tone deaf empty platitudes like that. Am I wierd for wanting someone who really wants to pick apart my experiences and mine them for meaning? I want to examine my behavior with the help of a third party to attempt to iron out the things holding me back and strategize for the future. Im tired of people dancing around issues and giving bland advice. Im also tired of christian therapists. not that a Christians cant have valid thoughtful opinions but I need a little bit more than faith in god to fix whats broken in my life in the present. God should not be part of the discussion at all i find that ridiculous. At least its just over zoom. I just wish there was an easy way to find someone like this that really want to hash shit out. Maybe just need a girlfriend honestly.

Yes, this. I want to be worked with to develop tools to help myself. If I truly am fixable (I'm not convinced), then help me establish those practices to feel better. I dont need to go talk twice a week for immediate gratification and then sob my way home in the car because I'm still sick.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

"They are horrible english speakers" Yeah that's not racist or anything piss off.

I know that comment wasn't directed at me. But I wanted to say, I hesitated to share that story because someone may have taken it as derogatory or "racist."

One is born with the capability to make every phonetic sound, but if they don't learn it by a certain age, they may never be able to. English speakers are shit at rolling R's in Spanish. Most people can never learn the clicks is indigenous Mayan or African languages such as Xhosa. Even if Japan, they love things from American culture, but pronounce them in a distinctively Japanese way because their vocal structures didn't learn how to produce those sounds at an early enough age, and they even spell English words in a way that reflects exactly the kind of pronunciation I talked about.

Personally, I think one can laugh at mis-pronunciations without it going into denigrating territory. I'm an American, I live in Mexico, I think it's hilarious how Brits say taco, I will totally tease them about that. Listen to any Trevor Noah stand-up -- languages and accents are fascinating and hilarious.

I think we American's and Western Caucasians have a knee-jerk that noticing difference is racist. To best understand racism, I think one needs to talk to those who've experienced it. Those who are judged as inferior and denied opportunity, eqaulity, and basic respectful treatment based on their ethnic heritage. Noticing difference and finding it amusing is not denigrating in itself, it's what's being directed at the one deemed different that determines denigration.

Anyhow, sorry if this comment was derailing. I take some responsibility for all of the derailing, if that's what's happening here, that followed my comment because I shared more of the story than was relevant to the OP. In retrospect, I should have given credence to the hesitation I felt and just not posted, or not posted all of it.

 

[Epsilon0]

One is born with the capability to make every phonetic sound, but if they don't learn it by a certain age, they may never be able to.

This is correct and it also applies to grammar. Research has shown the age around which the brain loses its plasticity which allows the learner to acquire near-perfect command of the target language is around 12-13. Some say as late as 16-18. But definitely not later than that.

 

[okkkk]

If the majority of your therapy experiences have all reached the same point, I probably don't need to point out that the obvious commonality is you. Do you think perhaps you are seeking a deep level of understanding of your thoughts or words that is just not realistic? Or do you think you have difficulty in clearly articulating your feelings, which might be preventing therapists from understanding them in the depth you require?

Putting those questions to one side, and assuming you are being both realistic and articulate, different schools and theories of therapy have different focuses and approaches. At the most pragmatic and superficial level, therapy will target and change relatively simple behaviours. Slightly deeper than that is the challenging of erroneous or unhealthy thought patterns. If you want a therapist who really deeply examines your personal experiences and narrative, and ascribes meaning to them, you need someone who follows such an approach.

I'm also going to point out that it is very common for people who are either very difficult or (rarely) almost impossible to help to claim that their therapist is ineffective. The notion of tone-deaf or empty platitudes are as much in the eye of the beholder than they are spoken by the therapist. If you are in a mild state of distress, hearing 'Keep your head up' might seem like the most helpful and profound advice imaginable, while if you are in the dark depths of depression then even the most complex and deep statements may appear to you as empty platitudes. That's not to say that therapists can't be objectively good or bad at their jobs, but it does mean the patient isn't always in the most impartial position to determine this.

I do certainly share your views on the irrelevance of religion in a therapeutic setting, and would certainly encourage you to find non-denominational therapists in future.

I think there is some relevance in the fact that you suggest possibly just needing a girlfriend. Obviously the listening and advice qualities of a girlfriend are going to be very different to those of a therapist. Do you think a girlfriend is going to provide a happy distraction from your problems? Or is there a type or style of listening and advice that a girlfriend would provide that differs from that of a therapist?



Wow. Just wow. LOL.

My therapist herself told me she thought i was articulate just a session before. There really isnt an issue with how clearly I can communicate my situation. The problem lies where she understands what im saying for sure and cant respond with anything but cliches. Either because of the fact that shes expressed how my issues arent relatable to her specifically or because she cant express herself that well...either way im not getting what i want out of a service im paying for so what logic is there in staying. Its not insanely difficult to become a therapist theyre just people who want jobs and i refuse to settle for mediocrity. Maybe she would be perfect for someone like you who somehow finds relief in phrases like "keep your head up." and thats okay. Im not asking her to quit ive just become aware shes not for me. I want to solve my issues and optimize my life and thats never going to happen with somone who shows callousness and doubt towards my emotions.

Do you feel comfortable laying out the situation here? Sometimes it's just the way one words something that makes it difficult to understand

I dont want to go into extreme detail in a post because it never goes away but maybe over DM. And its not the way she worded something its the LACK of wording that im complaining about. She either responded with nothing or a cliche until i brought something else up. & I know what Im asking for isnt impossible because ive had it to varying degress with other therapists. Im not here purely to vent im here to get specialized therapy for trauma as well as concrete strategies for optimizing my life and improving.

 

[ssaaahmo]

my therapist is a nice lady but theres no way im gonna continue seeing her. Ive had a lot of therapists in the past and overall theyre fine but it always gets to the point where they just cant comprehend what im saying. Especially when it comes to the severity of the problems i face. Im not paying a copay now but if i was it would be such a huge waste of money to just hear somone say shit like "keep your head up" and just tone deaf empty platitudes like that. Am I wierd for wanting someone who really wants to pick apart my experiences and mine them for meaning? I want to examine my behavior with the help of a third party to attempt to iron out the things holding me back and strategize for the future. Im tired of people dancing around issues and giving bland advice. Im also tired of christian therapists. not that a Christians cant have valid thoughtful opinions but I need a little bit more than faith in god to fix whats broken in my life in the present. God should not be part of the discussion at all i find that ridiculous. At least its just over zoom. I just wish there was an easy way to find someone like this that really want to hash shit out. Maybe just need a girlfriend honestly.

I've felt the same way a lot. I wish i had a therapist who specialized in twinless twin trauma but haven't been able to find one