Venting therapist friends (a vent open for discussion)

[progirlfailure]

I can't stand it when people like to call themselves the "therapist friend" or "mom friend" just because the title makes them seem like a saint. Whenever you're crying, they're always so overbearing and demand to know what's wrong even if you can't get the words out or try to touch you to comfort you without asking for permission first. It's always "you can trust me" or "what's wrong?" on loop for the entire duration of your episode of sadness even though they probably couldn't bare listening to the slightest uncomfortable story you tell them. Any situation you explain to them where you clearly need help despite you likely being led in the wrong direction because of the stress would cause them to distance themselves from you, visibly cringe, or recommend the most mundane and unoriginal idea.
If you do explain to them why you're upset, they'll likely tell others about it without asking you first, gullible as to how it could be embarrassing to you. The most a "therapist friend" has ever done for me is infantilize me for my height and sensitivity or hug me without permission and get confused when I push them off. I don't think people discuss this niche genre of "friend" as much as they should, but maybe it's just me who's ran into so many of these types of people.
If you'd like to, please share your experiences. I need to know if I'm alone on this one and I really hope I'm not since these types of people seem so common for some reason.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

I 100% agree

If you do explain to them why you're upset, they'll likely tell others about it without asking you first, gullible as to how it could be embarrassing to you.

This part is what annoys me the most, they even reject to accept they're in the wrong when you confront them about it, they start making bullshit excuses to justify it, then they become frustrated when you never open up to them as if you're obligated to do so

 

[Saturn_]

It definitely isn't all of them, but a lot of them love to play therapist for good appearances. A lot of these people like the emotional rush they get from this feeling that they did a good deed, that they're a "good person". But when it becomes too much for them to bear, then it's "go to therapy" (in other words, "go talk to someone who actually cares.") Some of the worst ones might even frame you as manipulative or trying to guilt-trip people with your mental problems -- I've seen this happen firsthand. People are so selfish and awful to the mentally ill. I hope you can find someone who genuinely wants to give you a listening ear and always be there for you.

I know that maybe this is very ironic to say under a thread like this, but I've dealt with a lot of people like this in life. I've been through a lot of awful shit and I know lots of people nowadays really need someone to talk to in these trying times. I hate telling people to "just go to therapy", or that their very serious traumas "make me uncomfortable". If you or anyone here ever wants to DM me, I promise I'd listen and never turn away from the darkness you are experiencing, even if I may not be able to help or fix what's going on. There is no pressure at all though Best wishes.

 

[progirlfailure]

It definitely isn't all of them, but a lot of them love to play therapist for good appearances. A lot of these people like the emotional rush they get from this feeling that they did a good deed, that they're a "good person". But when it becomes too much for them to bear, then it's "go to therapy" (in other words, "go talk to someone who actually cares.") Some of the worst ones might even frame you as manipulative or trying to guilt-trip people with your mental problems -- I've seen this happen firsthand. People are so selfish and awful to the mentally ill. I hope you can find someone who genuinely wants to give you a listening ear and always be there for you.

I know that maybe this is very ironic to say under a thread like this, but I've dealt with a lot of people like this in life. I've been through a lot of awful shit and I know lots of people nowadays really need someone to talk to in these trying times. I hate telling people to "just go to therapy", or that their very serious traumas "make me uncomfortable". If you or anyone here ever wants to DM me, I promise I'd listen and never turn away from the darkness you are experiencing, even if I may not be able to help or fix what's going on. There is no pressure at all though Best wishes.

I can't believe that some stranger on a random site is nicer than 80% of people I've met, tysm for this

 

[FinalDawn]

It definitely isn't all of them, but a lot of them love to play therapist for good appearances. A lot of these people like the emotional rush they get from this feeling that they did a good deed, that they're a "good person". But when it becomes too much for them to bear, then it's "go to therapy" (in other words, "go talk to someone who actually cares.") Some of the worst ones might even frame you as manipulative or trying to guilt-trip people with your mental problems -- I've seen this happen firsthand. People are so selfish and awful to the mentally ill. I hope you can find someone who genuinely wants to give you a listening ear and always be there for you.

I know that maybe this is very ironic to say under a thread like this, but I've dealt with a lot of people like this in life. I've been through a lot of awful shit and I know lots of people nowadays really need someone to talk to in these trying times. I hate telling people to "just go to therapy", or that their very serious traumas "make me uncomfortable". If you or anyone here ever wants to DM me, I promise I'd listen and never turn away from the darkness you are experiencing, even if I may not be able to help or fix what's going on. There is no pressure at all though Best wishes.

You can always tell when somebody doesn't really care-- usually they'll check in on you because they feel obligated to, then they'll keep things as brief as possible, usually using the "Talk to me if you need anything" as a signal to end the conversation.

There are also people who do genuinely care. They aren't always equipped for the situation, but they're there. You can usually tell because they earnestly try to relate to you, and/or ask clarifying questions rather than dismiss you with vague platitudes.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I lot of people do it out of plain curiosity and to use that information for gossip later on. They want to know why you're doing poorly so they can talk about it with their actual friends.

I don't trust anyone, people take years to earn my trust and even so that can be broken by the slightest things. I've been burned too many times to trust.

Having said that, I have been the "therapist friend" countless times. With my sister, with people from a community that I managed, with elderly people. I usually ask what's wrong and if the person doesn't seem keen on talking I drop it. Some people want you to insist a bit (e.g. my sister) so sometimes I do insist a bit if I think it's right but not too much.

I think a genuine person that cares about you, and has experience dealing with people in this way, won't insist too much, won't touch you unless you say you want to, will mostly listen so you can vent freely, will know to show compassion and validate your suffering, will provide solutions by asking if you want to hear solutions and you saying yes.

Besides that, regular people don't have the emotional intelligence to deal with mentally ill people. People are so handicapped when it comes to that, it's insane.