Venting The worst thing is believing that things could get better

[fleetingnight]

I feel like it's possible, but just out of my grasp. It's a different kind of suffering that losing all hope (though both are terrible.) Life's dangling a piece of meat on a string just out of my reach so I keep running, letting me take just enough bites that I'm always starving, but never starve to death. I should just stop, but I can't. I want there to actually be something good for me here. I don't know why I can't stop chasing something that doesn't exist, when I know it doesn't exist. It's childish and it makes me seem naive, I know it does. I probably am. I just can't stop no matter what I try

I need to set a date, but I'm scared. A voice keeps telling me to keep holding on for no reason, because I want something I can never have

Methinks I'm sobering up. That's not good! I'll have to fix that. I'll run out soon, though. If I close my eyes, the number in my bank account can't hurt me, right? :)

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

you worded it really well
i also feel starved thinking there could be a better day, but, as you said, that does not exist
and i also should stop trying to chase something that does not even exist, as it only exists in my mind.
reality is really hard and i cannot get myself to face it.
i really wish i could continue to hold on to the idea of a better day, but it is also too difficult to continue to delude myself
because deep down in my heart, i know there is no hope anymore, at least for me

 

[dental]

this is exactly how i feel. i've been hesitating because i was trying desperately to convince myself it could still get better if i just stuck around a while longer to see what happens, but what happens is i just get worse and worse. so i don't know how much longer i'll be hesitating.

 

[iloverachel]

I know what you mean. Most days i want to die, some days i feel okay, i feel i might recover and get better, then i go back to realizing its all pointless so why bother.

Anyway, best wishes in whatever you wish to do