The worst thing about being ugly, is the lifestyle you're forced to live

[medjooled11]

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you feel this way.

I never identified myself based on societal standards, but I still never felt attractive. I share your sentiment.

I will say social media, the internet, and globalization has exacerbated the issue. Reddit is guilty of this. In reality this isn't the case. The only reason we have these harsh standards and stereotypes is because once isolated groups of peoples, communities, and families are now increasingly fragmented among many other diverse groups of people. It is also human nature to have these, but I feel the negativity and intensity of them should stop.

Appearance certainly plays a part, but it truly isn't everything. Personally, I find the most beautiful/handsome individuals are ones with features that stray from the norm. And I see many of them often. Standards are unrealistic. They appeal to a specific genetic group.

I honestly would rather be "ugly" (however you define that) with a charismatic personality, interesting hobbies, and a brain than be attractive without. Life is unfair, but if we decide to live we should try to ride the wave and play our cards to our best advantage.

 

[Ihadagoodlife]

Tbh being introverted or extroverted as more to do with how ur brain is set. No matter how ugly you are you will still go out and try to socialize if you are someone really Extraverted the result probably won't be too good tho and you will receive negative feedback who create insecurity

 

[layne2001]

There's plenty of ugly people who happen to be in loving relationships, who were popular, who had and have fun in life and who are normal, who have friends, successful careers. Maybe blame your insufferable personality lmao

 

[LastLoveLetter]

There's plenty of ugly people who happen to be in loving relationships, who were popular, who had and have fun in life and who are normal, who have friends, successful careers. Maybe blame your insufferable personality lmao

What is even your goal? First you tell someone to "just kill themselves" and now you are invalidating a complete strangers' struggles and assuming they have an "insufferable personality." In the time I have been here, I have never seen the OP be anything other than kind and supportive to members of this community. He's far from "insufferable."

I'm sorry, but that kind of rubbish doesn't belong here. It's about being supportive, not presumptuous or telling people to just go ahead and die. If you can't refrain from saying such things, please don't post. Your unwarranted judgements are not helpful or wanted, and can actually cause further harm.

 

[Callie Arcale]

What is even your goal? First you tell someone to "just kill themselves" and now you are invalidating a complete strangers' struggles and assuming they have an "insufferable personality." In the time I have been here, I have never seen the OP be anything other than kind and supportive to members of this community. He's far from "insufferable."

I'm sorry, but that kind of rubbish doesn't belong here. It's about being supportive, not presumptuous or telling people to just go ahead and die. If you can't refrain from saying such things, please don't post. Your unwarranted judgements are not helpful or wanted, and can actually cause further harm.

Thank you for this, @Persephone ❦
You make this forum a better place.

 

[Samsara]

I am very saddened to read this and see how many people resonate with that post from reddit. I have seen countless times where being objectively 'beautiful' definitely enhances one's encounters in just about any situation - it really is unfair.

 

[jimmy7754]

As someone who used to be considered attractive in my teens/early twenties and is now irreparably ugly due to drug-induced disease & injury I can 100% attest that my quality of life rapidly spiraled downhill as soon as that transition happened. Like that one Reddit user mentioned, I rarely have any desire whatsoever to leave the house. Social interaction is now a chore at best, and one I want to end as soon as possible. The entire time my mind is fixated on how the other party is internally judging me (which is as exhausting as it sounds).

The body is the only vessel with which you can navigate this world. People cannot read your thoughts or see you for the contents inside your head. They only perceive what's directly in front of them. Thus, their opinions of you are merely formed from surface level observations. Random people from your everyday interactions know next to nothing about you aside from your outward appearance, so they'll subconsciously base their treatment of you solely on that.

One of the things I miss about being attractive is that a lot of people would get a look on their face that could best be described as awe or reverence when speaking to you. They'd also automatically assume I was intelligent despite me not saying much of anything. At the time I thought it was the weirdest thing and I never thought I'd grow to miss it. The only looks I get now are those borne of pity. People intuitively know I'm damaged goods and it shows. I now am confronted with how much of a luxury it was to navigate the outside world without having to constantly fret over how my physical form was interpreted by others. It's a circumstance you'll never truly understand until it's thrust upon you. I grieve for the life I once had but know it's an unattainable dream that's forever out of my grasp.

I guess I can just become full-on hikikomori and rot. My body is deteriorating so rapidly I doubt I'll make it to forty, so it looks like this is how my final years will be spent. I desperately feel for anyone who has had to endure this anguish their entire lives... I've only had to for two and a half years so far and it's already reached peak unbearability.

This and more. I don't want to make it to 40.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

As someone who used to be considered attractive in my teens/early twenties and is now irreparably ugly due to drug-induced disease & injury I can 100% attest that my quality of life rapidly spiraled downhill as soon as that transition happened

I (male, 38) had the opposite problem: I was uglier than Quasimodo in my teens and early 20's, then basically aged into my looks. I clearly remember how I hated my life and wished I were dead---I was suicidal since I was 6, but being ugly after puberty added fuel to the fire. Women treated me with cautious distance, and acted like she touched a turd when I pushed a romantic boundary (like try to hold her hand when we were sitting together). It was as traumatizing as how you described your experiences today in your post.

I started to look better around age 25, and became passably handsome at 28. That's when women started treating me better. A few showed real interest. And if they didn't like me, they still weren't disgusted by me. For instance, when I tried to kiss one woman on a cruise at 27, when we danced together, she simply said "Are you for real? No kissing." Then we carried on like I merely stepped on her foot. We said our goodbyes warmly before debarkation. If I had done that to a woman in college, she'd probably call the police on me.

But despite me looking attractive now, it doesn't do me any good! I don't care about dating or letting a woman marry me---too many traumas watching my parents fight while I was growing up. And most women my age want to marry someone. Plus, I plan to CTB sooner or later, and it'll traumatize a woman who has real feelings for me, and wants to marry me (or just collect my alimony). So my looks are basically going to waste, as opposed to improving my quality of life, like they would I had them in younger years.

 

[Le_Dauphin]

This person is 21 years old and says they never had a chance to decide whether they want to get married? At 21???

I'm 34. By 21 I already knew no one on effin' Earth would ever want to marry me (you kind of get the hint when everyone nealry pukes at the sight of your face). Guess what? I was right, no one ever wanted to date me, kiss me, f... me, much less marry me.

I asked a rather ugly guy out on a date because he has a lovely personality.

How long does a lovely personality endures when a really (not just "rather") ugly person has to face maddening loneliness, humiliation, ostracism, outright scorn from an appearance-oriented society?

No one invites people to a party based on how attractive they are???

No.

No one picks friends based on how attractive they are???

No.

 

[Insomniac]

No one picks friends based on how attractive they are???

about that..