The wish of having someone witness how I go

[QuiBii]

Hello everyone.

New here. So please don't be mad at me for fing things up, I am pretty good at that.

As a lot of you, I want to "go". However, I have this wish to not go alone. I want someone to be there for me in my final moments. Does anyone else have the same feeling? If so, how do you go about it? I worry that if I ask the wrong people to be there with me, that they might mess things up by trying to stop me, calling someone, etc. Also I don't want to traumatize anyone from this.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I worry that if I ask the wrong people to be there with me, that they might mess things up by trying to stop me, calling someone, etc. Also I don't want to traumatize anyone from this.

All very real possibilities. It's very difficult finding a partner to CTB with. From what I gather from your post, and correct me if I'm wrong, you're not really trying to find someone to CTB "with", just more of someone to witness you going. Is that correct? I think you'd have to know someone pretty darn well in order to ask them to be with you when you CTB (go). CTB means Catch-The-Bus, BTW, a euphemism for suicide. You would need to know their beliefs, their politics, all that kind of stuff and be confident that they wouldn't do anything to thwart your attempt. It's difficult to find people like that. We have a "Partner" thread here at SaSu, but I don't think it's open to you since you're so new. You'd have to be here for a while and get your post count up before gaining access.

Also, if you get your post count up, a search function, along with some other features, of the forum will open up to you in the upper right hand corner of your screen. How many posts do you need before that happens? I don't know. Maybe 20. Maybe 30. Maybe a few more. You can start your own threads or comment in other people's threads to get your post count up.

Welcome to SaSu. I hope you find the information you seek and the peace you deserve.

 

[QuiBii]

Thank you for the very kind and welcoming reply. Gives me quite a bit of hope that coming here was the right choice.

You are correct, I am not looking for someone that CBTs with me, I am looking for someone that is with me when I CBT. Someone that observes me and talks to me in my final moments. Someone that reminds me why I do this and is overall assertive but kind. I kind of imagine this person as an insurrance in case I get weak. I think that's called Survival Instinct (SI) around here? Obviously it would be perfect to find someone like that in real life. But I am well aware that I am probably chasing a unicorn with that wish. So I'd also be fine if that someone is only purely virtually doing this deed for me. With a video call for example. Maybe I find someone like that once the Partner thread opens up for me. Thank you very much for hinting in the right directions!