The weird pull towards death... Even when things are going good.

[plzoffme]

Its so weird that even when my life is going great I have this pull towards death. Its like a voice in the back of my head that is always there to remind me that I need to CTB. I have major suicidal ideation and everyday I think about death. I could be taking in a beautiful sunset & if I'm high enough my mind will say well, this would kill you or hmmm maybe I could jump from here. Does anyone else experience this? Almost like when things go right you do not want them to while having this internal battle between the will to die and the will to live.

 

[princexhhn]

Yeah I get the same thing on the few and rare occasions that my life isn't going shit. I guess the familiarity is comfortable, something that had consistency so you go back to it. I've been depressed and suicidal for so long that it'll be hard for me to adjust if things suddenly start going well

 

[cursedlife]

Yes I think about death all day everyday, it's like torture for me , I don't think I can deal with these thoughts forever, it has to stop

 

[plzoffme]

Yes I think about death all day everyday, it's like torture for me , I don't think I can deal with these thoughts forever, it has to stop

I agree, its very tiresome.