Dukey
Member
- Oct 6, 2025
- 46
I've been depressed for a long time and had a pretty traumatic childhood. My dad had antisocial personality disorder, and I witnessed a lot of violence toward both me and my mother. I have ADHD as well. I was always told I wasn't worth anything, or that love was conditional.
Now, in my adulthood, I feel so worthless and empty all the time. I don't really have anything I want to achieve. I'm more so just desperate for love and connection. I had a short relationship a while back, and during that time I was so happy. I finally felt like I mattered to someone. Someone who took an interest in me, who wanted to spend time with me, someone I could cuddle with and sleep next to. I was so happy. I really was.
But of course, it had to end in the worst way possible again. Me being blocked and discarded, without closure or any effort to fix things. I tried. I begged. I pleaded. But apparently, I wasn't worth it. I was just called a psycho and obsessive.
This keeps on happening, and I'm quite done. The emptiness, the loneliness, the constant craving for love and connection but being unable to obtain it. I just can't take it anymore. I'm always the one begging and fighting for people not to leave, the one willing to make compromises, but I always end up being thrown away like trash. This pattern keeps repeating itself, so it must be me.
Honestly, I don't even really want to die. I just want this pain to fucking stop. I could cope with the loneliness and emptiness, but add this extreme emotional pain on top of it, this feeling of being unlovable and never good enough no matter how hard I try.
It's just too much, man.
Now, in my adulthood, I feel so worthless and empty all the time. I don't really have anything I want to achieve. I'm more so just desperate for love and connection. I had a short relationship a while back, and during that time I was so happy. I finally felt like I mattered to someone. Someone who took an interest in me, who wanted to spend time with me, someone I could cuddle with and sleep next to. I was so happy. I really was.
But of course, it had to end in the worst way possible again. Me being blocked and discarded, without closure or any effort to fix things. I tried. I begged. I pleaded. But apparently, I wasn't worth it. I was just called a psycho and obsessive.
This keeps on happening, and I'm quite done. The emptiness, the loneliness, the constant craving for love and connection but being unable to obtain it. I just can't take it anymore. I'm always the one begging and fighting for people not to leave, the one willing to make compromises, but I always end up being thrown away like trash. This pattern keeps repeating itself, so it must be me.
Honestly, I don't even really want to die. I just want this pain to fucking stop. I could cope with the loneliness and emptiness, but add this extreme emotional pain on top of it, this feeling of being unlovable and never good enough no matter how hard I try.
It's just too much, man.
