Currently, I read scientifical articles on inclusion of disabled people.
I stumbled on an article writen by a disabled author. She criticized liberal assisted suicide laws thoroughly. She compared these laws to Nazi Germany and framed it in exactly this way. She did everything defame people in favor of liberal assisted suicide laws.
And I noticed I am not as offended as 4-5 years ago when I debated pro-life people on this topic. After my first psychosis I was so interested in receiving assisted suicide. I even contacted an assisted suicide organization with 18.
It is not that my ethics have changed much since. I try to see where she is coming from and I agree disabled people should receive more money and resources. And she elaborated rightfully that the UK and the US move in exactly the opposite direction. And these countries are often ahead of our time. They portray the future for German new laws and developments. I see some positive in disabilty activists now. They try that disabled people get more money. Like the nursing care money I receive and my life literally hinges on that.
I still consider these people sort of delusional, naive and they want to live in a fairy tale world.
Personally, I have changed my plans. I might ctb over poverty. A death with an assisted suicide organisation costs approximately 5000 Euros. (up to 10.000 I think). The worst is there need to be several assessments by psychiatrists and you have to pay for them. They cost several thousand Euros. This simply disgusts me. I have to pay for applying to my suicide? It costs so much money wanting to die? It feels like getting scammed. In assisted suicide organizations you can often die with N. But you can be rejected and still lose so much money.
I think I was pretty unrealistic when I fantasized about wanting to die with assisted suicide organizations. I imagined everything to be so peaceful. It would not be my responsibility if I fucked it up. There were safety standards. I think this is still the best argument for me in favor of dying with the help of assisted suicide organizations. The likelihood to survive with damage is less. Dying seems to be less messy. Moreover, I am a law abiding citizen. I find it disgusting that suicidal people have to commit crimes in order to die peacefully.
But for me dying with an assisted suicide organization is simply unrealistic. It is like dreaming about the perfect solution for my problems. There are some considerations why I don't want to go this route anymore. My family would never accept it. My dad once threatened me to stop giving me money in case I go to an assisted suicide organization. I also found this disgusting. It is like pressuring me and sort of blackmailing. He was surprised when I actually ordered a lethal chemical substance to kill me. "I always thought these were only words...I did not think you would actually do it" Lol. He is a dumbass. We all know that. He also considers people who ctb stupid which is in itself stupid.
I don't want to pay such an insane amount of money for my death. Poverty is one of my main reasons for my suicidality. And I won't spend my last savings on that. I also don't want having to justify myself. And the whole process to get these assessments. It seems undignified to me. Last year shortly before my almost suicide attempts. Two days beforehand I had a party with all of my friends. I played a role. I wanted to have a good time with them. I did not want that they have a memory of me in their mind where I am depressed all the time. Dying with assisted suicide organizations is horribly difficult. I had two psychoses. I follow these cases in my country. Despite the fact the German highest court ruled in favor of very liberal assisted suicide laws, which I celebrated. Many doctors who help patients in dying get jail time. There are countless examples of that. We are moving backwards since the parliament rejected new laws. With psychosis they will argue I am not able to make a sound decision. I think my blood would boil when I spend 3000 Euros for an assessment that says you are not allowed to commit suicide. I would be infuriated. I am fine with dying with SN. For me it is my method. The method where I consider that the pros and cons are the most acceptable to me.
I made threads in the past about the process to get these assessments from a psychiatrist that show you can make sound decisions. A funny remakr was:. "The mental gymnastics people will say to keep people alive no matter how much they want to die are astounding. And sickening." I still think this reply was pretty funny.
Here is the thread I found it. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-to-a-preventive-suicide.112777/#post-2489130
Something I don't like about assisted suicide you don't have the full control when you can make the final step. You have some control but not full. You are not allowed to die when you are in the middle of a mental health crisis. They want that because it hinders the people to ctb emotionally and impulsively. It has to be some sort of preventive suicide. Accoriding to them you need emotional stability when you make this decision.
However, I don't like this. If I return to rock bottom which would be another mental health crises I want to kill myself. But they would say in a major depression you cannot make rational deicisons. Which is in my opinion not true. Sometimes your pain limit is simply reached. And suicide can still be rational if the pain is so overwhelming. I think I could not receive assisted suicide when I am feeling halfway okay. I could imagine I will have this appointment. Already paid so much money. And then chicken out. I also would want to die privately without a stranger who documents me for example by filming it.
I know when I am in extreme existential pain I want to kill myself. But they would argue when you are in so much pain you are not rational anymore. But if life is shit all the time and on top of that temporary life is even more excruciating this should justify receiving assisted suicide in my opinion.
I think we are rolling backwards. In politics everything is reactionary now. And I could imagine I will also lose my lifeline my nursing care money one day. I don't want to rely on the mercy of the government and doctors to allow me to die. Which I would probably not receive anyway.
I stumbled on an article writen by a disabled author. She criticized liberal assisted suicide laws thoroughly. She compared these laws to Nazi Germany and framed it in exactly this way. She did everything defame people in favor of liberal assisted suicide laws.
And I noticed I am not as offended as 4-5 years ago when I debated pro-life people on this topic. After my first psychosis I was so interested in receiving assisted suicide. I even contacted an assisted suicide organization with 18.
It is not that my ethics have changed much since. I try to see where she is coming from and I agree disabled people should receive more money and resources. And she elaborated rightfully that the UK and the US move in exactly the opposite direction. And these countries are often ahead of our time. They portray the future for German new laws and developments. I see some positive in disabilty activists now. They try that disabled people get more money. Like the nursing care money I receive and my life literally hinges on that.
I still consider these people sort of delusional, naive and they want to live in a fairy tale world.
Personally, I have changed my plans. I might ctb over poverty. A death with an assisted suicide organisation costs approximately 5000 Euros. (up to 10.000 I think). The worst is there need to be several assessments by psychiatrists and you have to pay for them. They cost several thousand Euros. This simply disgusts me. I have to pay for applying to my suicide? It costs so much money wanting to die? It feels like getting scammed. In assisted suicide organizations you can often die with N. But you can be rejected and still lose so much money.
I think I was pretty unrealistic when I fantasized about wanting to die with assisted suicide organizations. I imagined everything to be so peaceful. It would not be my responsibility if I fucked it up. There were safety standards. I think this is still the best argument for me in favor of dying with the help of assisted suicide organizations. The likelihood to survive with damage is less. Dying seems to be less messy. Moreover, I am a law abiding citizen. I find it disgusting that suicidal people have to commit crimes in order to die peacefully.
But for me dying with an assisted suicide organization is simply unrealistic. It is like dreaming about the perfect solution for my problems. There are some considerations why I don't want to go this route anymore. My family would never accept it. My dad once threatened me to stop giving me money in case I go to an assisted suicide organization. I also found this disgusting. It is like pressuring me and sort of blackmailing. He was surprised when I actually ordered a lethal chemical substance to kill me. "I always thought these were only words...I did not think you would actually do it" Lol. He is a dumbass. We all know that. He also considers people who ctb stupid which is in itself stupid.
I don't want to pay such an insane amount of money for my death. Poverty is one of my main reasons for my suicidality. And I won't spend my last savings on that. I also don't want having to justify myself. And the whole process to get these assessments. It seems undignified to me. Last year shortly before my almost suicide attempts. Two days beforehand I had a party with all of my friends. I played a role. I wanted to have a good time with them. I did not want that they have a memory of me in their mind where I am depressed all the time. Dying with assisted suicide organizations is horribly difficult. I had two psychoses. I follow these cases in my country. Despite the fact the German highest court ruled in favor of very liberal assisted suicide laws, which I celebrated. Many doctors who help patients in dying get jail time. There are countless examples of that. We are moving backwards since the parliament rejected new laws. With psychosis they will argue I am not able to make a sound decision. I think my blood would boil when I spend 3000 Euros for an assessment that says you are not allowed to commit suicide. I would be infuriated. I am fine with dying with SN. For me it is my method. The method where I consider that the pros and cons are the most acceptable to me.
I made threads in the past about the process to get these assessments from a psychiatrist that show you can make sound decisions. A funny remakr was:. "The mental gymnastics people will say to keep people alive no matter how much they want to die are astounding. And sickening." I still think this reply was pretty funny.
Here is the thread I found it. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-to-a-preventive-suicide.112777/#post-2489130
Something I don't like about assisted suicide you don't have the full control when you can make the final step. You have some control but not full. You are not allowed to die when you are in the middle of a mental health crisis. They want that because it hinders the people to ctb emotionally and impulsively. It has to be some sort of preventive suicide. Accoriding to them you need emotional stability when you make this decision.
However, I don't like this. If I return to rock bottom which would be another mental health crises I want to kill myself. But they would say in a major depression you cannot make rational deicisons. Which is in my opinion not true. Sometimes your pain limit is simply reached. And suicide can still be rational if the pain is so overwhelming. I think I could not receive assisted suicide when I am feeling halfway okay. I could imagine I will have this appointment. Already paid so much money. And then chicken out. I also would want to die privately without a stranger who documents me for example by filming it.
I know when I am in extreme existential pain I want to kill myself. But they would argue when you are in so much pain you are not rational anymore. But if life is shit all the time and on top of that temporary life is even more excruciating this should justify receiving assisted suicide in my opinion.
I think we are rolling backwards. In politics everything is reactionary now. And I could imagine I will also lose my lifeline my nursing care money one day. I don't want to rely on the mercy of the government and doctors to allow me to die. Which I would probably not receive anyway.
