The two weird things about suicidal ideation.

[Lolapeeps]

Two things I don't understand about suicidal ideation, although I have a couple of theories. So I've been wanting to end my life for god knows how many years, yet Im terrified to die?? Wtf is that about? So I ask myself what it is that specifically terrifies me and all I can come up with is the fact that I'll never wake up again?? This makes no sense to me, because the two totally contradict each other.

Something else that stumps me, is that despite my constant ideation, if somebody threw me in a lake, I would try and survive. What the hell? So I pondered this and I was thinking that it's about control and "I" want to control how I go and not somebody else? Thoughts?

 

[PaxAmerica]

Great post. I think its fear of unknown then. Jump out of frying pan in to fire?

And yes the control elrment in dying. I will think more on this. Excellent post.

 

[Nolen]

You can't really imagine yourself not existing, you might have a vague idea but you won't be able to ever know what it feels like the human mind just can't comprehend that and that can be terrifying or unnerving that's why so many people cling to the existence of an "afterlife".

Drowning is not a very peaceful method even worse when you have no control over it I would resist that too.

 

[Ramirez]

It's just hardwired in us I believe. Evolution wise of course the species or people who didn't fear to die would die early and could not reproduce. So we are like from generations who did everything to live and they kinda passed that on I guess :/. Don't know if this makes sense.
I'd rather die unexpectedly tbh. The anticipation is driving me nuts..

 

[Hurt]

I'm not terrified to die. I'm terrified to fail.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I feel the exact same way. I've wanted to ctb for years but the SI and fear are just too strong so I've never even tried. It's an awful spot to be in...no relief to be had and I feel stuck in a hellish limbo.

 

[Jumping_realms]

I see how it seems like that, but the science of it says otherwise, thus far. Once the hypothalamus is activated in the brain, the chemicals dumped into our bloodstream aren't us choosing to flee or fight. Our ancestors, extinct species of hominids, had much danger to face and have a ton to do with SI and how it works in us through evolution.

 

[Bitterman1996]

Two things I don't understand about suicidal ideation, although I have a couple of theories. So I've been wanting to end my life for god knows how many years, yet Im terrified to die?? Wtf is that about? So I ask myself what it is that specifically terrifies me and all I can come up with is the fact that I'll never wake up again?? This makes no sense to me, because the two totally contradict each other.

Something else that stumps me, is that despite my constant ideation, if somebody threw me in a lake, I would try and survive. What the hell? So I pondered this and I was thinking that it's about control and "I" want to control how I go and not somebody else? Thoughts?

Personally other than survival instinct. I think it's also about control, depression as someone puts it makes you in a position that unable to have control over your life (circumstantial depression ranging from relationship to financial troubles) or something like lack of self preservation / apathy. In a way, suicide is how some people regain this sense of control in my opinion.

 

[motel rooms]

If you fantasize about suicide that doesn't necessarily mean that you are actually suicidal. Kind of how many women admit to having fantasies about being raped, but only a negligible number of them would actually enjoy being raped by some psycho irl. People fantasize about all kinds of shit & never act on their fantasies

 

[Pure]

Think about it this way, with the exception of your frontal lobe, every cell in your body is trying to keep you alive and survive. That's why methods for ctb have to be quick or knock you out quickly. Nothing supercedes innate animal instinct to stay alive

 

[motel rooms]

Nothing supercedes innate animal instinct to stay alive

Yeah, probably nothing except intense prolonged pain

 

[FuneralCry]

As others have said, it is the survival instinct. Us humans are programmed to survive, it is the way we have evolved. It is why taking our lives is hard even know we may want to die. I guess many people are also scared of the unknown. As humans it is often hard to comprehend not existing. I feel like for me one day I will eventually get desperate enough and eventually overcome SI. The thing that worries me is failing an attempt and ending up with consequences. I feel the same about control, I want to end my life on my own terms rather than it being randomly taken away.

 

[Lolapeeps]

Thank you everybody.

 

[Originaldon]

You don't really want to die. Nobody does. You just want to end suffering or the life you have.

survival instinct is what makes us feel like surviving. It is an instinct. There is nothing you can do to control or stop it.

You are correct in what you say about wanting to control your death as that is the only chance you have outside of an accident of overcoming SI. That and being actually desperate enough that it dosent even cross your mind.

 

[angelus]

I feel the exact same way. I've wanted to ctb for years but the SI and fear are just too strong so I've never even tried. It's an awful spot to be in...no relief to be had and I feel stuck in a hellish limbo.

A trauma or a tragedy in your life can trigger your decision very easy. But it can be too late. I woud rather ctb in good times, rational, than after being crushed by life/ pain.

 

[mostlycloudy]

Drugs, alcohol might help overcome SI - at least that's what my psychiatrist says, warning me to stay away from them.