NSFW The thought of someone sleeping with my ex is nauseating

[IHurtTheOneILove]

For context, I just got dumped by my partner after they found out I cheated on them by kissing another girl and escalating the situation before inevitably backing out and trying to cover it up due to guilt/shame/remorse.

My ex obviously resents me now and I have this fear they're gonna try and fuck a bunch of people out of spite and it makes me genuinely nauseous. I have no right to be as I'm the one who made sexual advances with someone else while in a relationship but seriously it's such a stomach-churning thought to me that keeps me up at night. Like I regretted cheating on my ex immediately after and realized I could never go through with actual sex with someone else but they're not gonna believe that. This is one item of a semi-lengthy laundry list of reasons I want to CTB. I feel I'm being melodramatic and obsessive because again to reiterate, I fucked everything up, not them. But I feel that this anxiety/nausea will live with me forever and idk how to cope with it. I'm gonna go to counseling soon and hopefully, I can figure out some shit there but I fear I'm just a rotten person at my core that will never fully be able to change. CTB in like a year or so seems the most likely outcome for now. We'll see what happens.

 

[just dave]

You can't be that rotten considering you've acknowledged the fact you screwed up. Your ex may act up and they may sleep with people or maybe they won't. You unfortunately can't control that. What you can control is how you decide to move forward. The first step is trying to talk about it with them. How did they find out? Did you tell them or did someone else get involved?
Own your mistake. Talk to your ex if they will still have contact with you and try to make it right. Discuss what you did, go into the details if they ask and don't hold back. Otherwise you'll look like you're trying to protect yourself. But if there were problems in the relationship it's totally plausible and possible to lay it all on the table and see if it can be fixed.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

they're gonna try and fuck a bunch of people out of spite

If this is true, you dodged a bullet.