The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person

[starcrossedfate]

who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise.

Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant.

The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

—David Foster Wallace

 

[Donewith_]

Awesome.. beautifully put. But, there are some people who weigh out the pros and cons their death (departure) brings and carry out the task. They feel it's good for them and also for everyone.

 

[Idorus]

I think David doesn't exclude the ones weighing out the pros and cons (at least that is not what I read).

But it's touching yea really, just read he took his life in 2008... such words make you want to know the person behind, was there any way back from the flames? Nah... auw

 

[Donewith_]

Yeah I am just saying there are also some people who make such decisions (yes, only those who are not in a hurried situation, or don't need to ctb immediately .. but they knew they eventually have to). I think such decisions can be made only in peaceful situations .. and having such state of mind before ctb'ing is a privilege..

 

[bigj75]

spot on

 

[Lra888]

One of the best descriptions of depression ever written. Very relatable. The feeling of being trapped & the need to escape. Constant anxiety & claustrophobia upon awakening. Hope we can all get out calmly as possible.

 

[onewayroad]

I don't think anyone is on this website because they want to kill themselves; what we all want is release from suffering and we suspect that the only way may be to kill ourselves.

 

[Trashcan]

Love this. I might include this note in my suicide note and explain what the "flames" were.

 

[Over it]

Love this... so true.. the way with words I'm always trying find.

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

I've literally described how I felt with the same analogy to other people. It's exactly why I'm going. I absolutely terrified but the flames are way too close to handle.

 

[deathoverlife]

who tries to kill herself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise.

Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant.

The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

—David Foster Wallace

Well explained..I never thought of CTB before...its not that i had a smooth life... my life was always a very rough terrain to nagivagate through ....it got better for a while..like a fairy tale and suddenly every thing slipped away!!
Life is unbarable now..the feeling is not any different from the building on fire scenario.. only escape it to get out of it..getting out is possible only when i pay the price with my life ..