Venting The same lie as everyone else, but for how long

[eepymumu8]

I always decide that I want to live, but after about a week, I start wishing for death again. It's like a Möbius strip, and all I can do is tell the people around me that I'm fine

Everyone is the same, Everyone is struggling in the same way, Everyone is pretending,

but for how long

I keep changing

I just feel like I'm not being true to myself

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time.
If committing suicide was that easy, this site wouldn't exist. I've had several attempts and failed. If I had a guarantee pill then I would try again. If I wake up alive again, I'll be in so much trouble.

To answer your question, we all are faking it for several different reasons. You just have to find a way to keep going. I just sleep all day and keep praying I never wake up. That's how I survive.

 

[Anonymousa]

the cycle of being okay and wanting to life to then being miserable is so annoying. I kinda wish I would just be one or the other cus the switching between feeling hope and despair is more painful. Its extra annoying with people not understanding when you are down again and saying "but you were okay a week ago".

 

[iwantmycatback]

This cycle is sometimes harder for me to endure than the actual reason for me wanting to CTB. I can, at maximum, have a good week where I feel like maybe things are stabilizing and improving to a degree I can bear, and then something always has to inevitably fucking happen that shatters my soul back open again and drives me to this place. I feel like it's a matter of when, not if, like suicide has been the only option for me since the beginning and I just keep delaying the inevitable.