T
TooConscious
Enlightened
- Sep 16, 2020
- 1,151
Who said such bullshit I am a prime example of being bullied mostly targetedWell let's get one thing out of the way, having blonde hair and blue eyes does not make someone attractive. Plenty of people are ostracized and bullied for their appearance despite having those traits. And plenty of brown eyed brunettes are treated like princesses because of their beauty.
I agree that there is an objective standard to this type of thing but it's more about facial structure, proportions, and finally, body composition, rather than the colorization. (Not to say that racism or colorism isn't a thing, I realize it is and I don't doubt it could be a factor to your dilemma.)
There is a difference between subjective trends and a scientifically studied, universal standard that stands the test of time.
Having a different hair, skin, or eye color is not going to make an unattractive person attractive, or vice versa.
Even just narrowing things down to eyes, skin and hair: The shape, size, lashes, and support of the eye would come before the color. The health, youth, and overall complexion of the skin-aka lack of imperfections/pores/acne/texture would come before the color. And the hairline, density, thickness, luster, visible manageability, etc would come far before the color of the hair in importance to how aesthetically pleasing these features appear. (I could get into colorization being more of a factor, via contrast between features, but we will be here all day if I keep droning on about the study of aesthetics in the human form.)
You might desire those things (blonde hair, blue eyes) subjectively, as some do, and that's totally fine, but it's not how being 'good looking' works.
That said, I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass or bullshit you on the topic.
I do still sympathize with you about never being "the pretty one".
When you're not, whether man or woman, life is NOT going to roll out the red carpet for you, and the more unfortunate looking you are, the more consequences and discrimination you experience, the more doors are closed on your face. The inverse is also true.
I will not throw any empty phrases and platitudes at you, like "everyone is beautiful" or "looks don't define you", because they are all idealist statements, not indicative of human nature or the superficial society we live in, not to mention they are most commonly handed out by those in a place of privilege. (Sort of like a wealthy person telling the homeless that money and shelter isn't everything.)
These dismissive comments deny the individual the opportunity to lament a lack of what should be a basic right, comfort in their own skin, and the right to reject the body or face that they had no say in to begin with. It is perfectly understandable to dislike what you had no choice in, especially if it's done you no favors in life. It's not your fault.
Some people compensate heavily for a lack of looks, to the point of exhaustion, and some change their physical self to better suit and express who they really are (sometimes this goes very wrong, but again, not the fault of the person pushed to take such measures...it's not as if we can mold our own face or physique outside of diet and a workout routine).
A few even manage to appreciate their lives or what they look like despite not meeting the usual standard, but society doesn't allow them to live peacefully without a constant dose of mistreatment and neglect.
They are always reminded of where they stand.
Lots of internally beautiful people die in the shadows of the externally pretty, rotting in invisibility or insults.
This is part of what I hate most about the world, and you really cannot understand it unless you are on the shit side of things. I'm so sorry that you seem to find yourself there.
As for the virginity, unlike appearances (of which the expectation does tend to be harsher on women, than men..women are also more prone to being victimized by ageism, which you mentioned with your fear of getting older) it's not as big of a stigma for females, when it comes to a lack of sexual experience.
But because society revolves around sex as much as it does looks, you still aren't going to escape the harassment and negative stereotyping by peers entirely. Clearly from what you've outlined, people are not kind to you about it.
I'm not really sure how to expand on the subject to make you feel any better or if I should even attempt to, because I have my own bias regarding sexual relations. I am quite averse to them and have no desire to have sex with someone. So it's difficult for me to empathize with that want or "need" and I may come across as minimizing that specific part of your situation. I will just say that it's not at all surprising that you feel this way, unfortunately. I have come across many others who feel the exact same.
I will move on to the relationship status aspect of your post..I agree that society puts major stock into romantic coupling, and it's harmful to those who cannot manage it, are excluded from it, or do not desire to be a part of it.
It puts them in the position of never being someone's priority, save for maybe their parent's, who will eventually pass.
We take away the importance and weight of family of origin relationships, platonic relationships, friendships, and anything that's not a romantic/monogamous couple. We have so much significance tied to 'the couple' that it leaves none for anyone else, or in the very least-far less.
All our eggs are in one basket.
We celebrate it with abundance and pressure people to strive for it as if it's some major accomplishment in life (it's not), we use it to facilitate procreation and selfishly bring about more suffering, we throw money and gifts at it, we have ceremonies, it's all so ostentatious.
And for what? When so much of it goes down in flames.
(To note, religion as well, offers itself as a guilty vessel of the sentiment behind a lot of this misplaced prestige. Old roots to the arranged liaisons among wealthy/politically involved families also mark a page in the history books regarding this topic.)
Idk about anyone else, but I've had more than enough of it.
I also agree that many couples tend to flaunt their status and though I don't desire their ridiculous exhibitionism and loss of individuality, they do get on my nerves because everything is worse in pairs..people feel more brave and impenetrable when they have someone by their side, it leads to some very selfish and childish behavior, and nasty treatment of others, because they've got back up, they've got built in support, they can more easily embody the shape of their own asshole.
I have been the victim of the "in your face" pda as well, to the point they look over at me to make sure I'm witnessing and listening to their standing pillow talk.
It's fucking bizarre! (Rampant on social media too! Your hate is understandable.)
Meanwhile, I'm just trying to get the fuck out of dodge because I've got way bigger fish to fry and I'm not on this earth to be an audience to such pointless, self indulgent filth.
The whole "we do it because we can't help ourselves, that's how much we love eachother" excuse is complete garbage bs.
They have self control, they just don't want to utilize it.
I once read a post on another site where someone admitted to enjoying making people feel uncomfortable by openly displaying heavy petting and that it made them feel superior and powerful, they got off on making others feel envious or disquieted.
I don't do their in-depth description justice.
Came from a vile individual obviously, quite disgusting, but not uncommon, just more forthcoming about it.
When you are outside 'the couple', you matter less, even your privacy matters less to them. They will protect their own secrets and share yours with eachother.
For example, how many couples do we all know where one or both checks the other person's phone? A lot of them think they have every right and it's part of trust building, to have open access..but you know what I think? ..it's one of the most despicable things I've ever seen normalized. They actually think they have the right to not only invade the privacy of the person they are in a relationship with, but also the privacy and sanctity of all the conversations the phone owner has with OTHER PEOPLE. But remember "other people" don't matter to the couple, their privacy doesn't matter, their feelings don't matter. Once someone is part of a pair, if you know them then you better realize that you either accept that the other half will know about all your dirty laundry and skeletons in your closet, or you reduce your relationship with your loved one to talking about the weather.
It just amazes me that most people realize the immorality of letting your friend or family member read your phone when you have other confidant's sensitive information on there (as well as your own) but somehow bf/gf or hubby and wifey are exempt from the ethics of such a scenario.
Of course this extends way past the device stalking example. Your spoken convos and known past are also at risk of being relayed.
Why, you ask? Because "the couple" is more important than the individual, the whole is more important than the parts, and we are all forced to bow down to such nonsense, or join the crowd.
I say no thanks (if you couldn't already imagine me rolling my eyes throughout my last few sentences), but I understand it's not that simple for everyone. And that being single is also a reminder of other misfortunes and traumas in life, so I feel your pain.
Loneliness is one thing, and it's not good for anyone (different from enjoying time alone) but society makes it so that we can only satiate the need for companionship by entering into a romantic/sexual relationship.
Even if we found value in other types of relationships, that value dwindles as we get older and all those we once held dear toss us to the side for the prospect and eventual actualization of their pairing with a "significant other".
In that respect, this force of the status quo affects us all, whether we are interested or not.
I'm not calling for the destruction or dismantling of romance entirely, but some god damn self reflection by society and its imbalance of priorities would be nice..
In the end, I'm not sure how to comfort you, without telling lies, but one truth I can share is that, by the brief description you gave of yourself and what you enjoy vs the typical, you absolutely do have value, and it's the fault of others that they are missing out on someone who they turned away from, for shallow and thoughtless reasons. I apologize for how meaningless my final words appear, against the behemoth of what tortures you, I regret that it cannot hold a candle to other, more unfortunate truths that appear to be perpetuated despite the immense harm they cause.
for having blonde hair and blue eyes, called a nazi.
This mightve contributed to my mental health disorders for all I know.
