The reason why Sanctioned Suicide members are alive

[Nanako]

I'm doing it as soon as I'm able to obtain SN as well as the recommended antiemetics for it.

 

[aristotle is ok]

1) I don't know math. I did not chase enough whiskey with my pills for my weight.
2) I am too short to hang myself correctly. Meaning I cant tie the rope well to a high base.
3) I got interrupted in the middle of a hanging w/ a bag over my face. I tied the rope to the door and did a partial hanging. Guy walked in thought it was a kinky sex game and just fucked me. He took the bag off my head when he noticed I was about to pass out.

It's not that i dont want to die or lack "courage" it's more so I don't have the means and sheer dumb luck.

Are you shitting me? You mean to tell me that you were in the midst of hanging yourself and a stranger walked in on you and RAPED you??? And you didn't try to stop him???

 

[downndone2]

I'm here still because of my dogs and grown kids. Also here because my life insurance wont pay out for suicide until after 2 yrs. I'm lonely, broken hearted, lost almost everything and hate waking up everyday. I also am terrified of any means other than a massive dose of H with F, when the time comes, I'll have to figure out where to get it

 

[Crazy4u]

Are you shitting me? You mean to tell me that you were in the midst of hanging yourself and a stranger walked in on you and RAPED you??? And you didn't try to stop him???

your tone is not appropriate. This a traumatizing experience. If you don't believe it, that is ok but you don't have to invalidate it. imagine if it happens to you?

if it happens to me, i would find it hard to resist because i would be so weak after hanging attempt and I would feel so low because I was trying to die

 

[Murasa]

I want to get everything in order before I go and make sure my next try is my last, I've already failed a few times and it was hard to make it look like an accident or an oversight.

 

[roguetrader]

I think some are still in the researching stage, and still hold out hope for ways to continue living. Then the rest who are past that stage have not reached their personal pain threshold yet to attempt.

 

[TooConscious]

Great question I went off on a tangent just before about how I think it's because we all have some memory in our soul that suicide is pointless because life is a trap. I really hope this isn't true. But very few of us are cowards despite what our self esteem tells us and the government put in our minds through targeted manipulation so why on earth do we find this measly act so so impossible.... The only thing that makes sense to me is 'common sense' that it mustnt work.
Again I hope I'm wrong because I'll certainly be trying soon. But in this sadistic evil cruel fucking life am expecting to be spawned back.

 

[Rabbit50]

I was planning to ctb this evening. My first hope was to use an exit bag, but without gas. I've read stories of people who just tape a bag over their head, so thought I would try it. I've been practising putting a bag over my head for a few days, just to get used to it and I have been OK with it. However, when I tried it tonight, I found that the bags that I was going to use all had holes in, so that failed. My backup plan was to swim out to sea. I had checked the tide times and tonight was a good time to do it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm so disappointed, as only yesterday I read about a lady who was a competent swimmer, but walked out in to the sea in daylight, with people around, and drowned, just like that. She had left notes for her family, so it was planned. I was quite envious and hoped I could do the same (but in darkness) so feel like a fraud for not going through with it and feel like I have let you all down. Sorry

 

[bigbeatmanifesto]

I am still here because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. Suicide is very difficult and if it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I hope to fall asleep and never wake, as then I would not have to go through the ctb process. I wish I was never born in the first place as then I would not have to deal with this life. Life is just pointless suffering and I am tired of living. I believe that I will only be able to leave this world when I get completely desperate.

Can I ask why you think it's so difficult? To my knowledge both SN and N seem like peaceful and easy methods.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Lack of peaceful method (until now, thanks to SN). Now, I don't even think anything is going to stop me when the time comes and I order all of the supplies. I have three cats and a mother, uncle and sister who love me, I guess, but I cannot keep suffering just for them. Believe me, I wish I was born under the right circumstances so I wouldn't have to feel this way, but I got dealt an unwinnable hand.

I really would like to travel to South Korea for my bucket list (maybe I'd find a reason to stay alive while visiting there? Idk), but there's too much red tape due to the remnants of COVID so that will be a pipe dream. Probably will ease up in a year or two, but I don't really want to wait and suffer that much longer.

Life sucks, then you die.

 

[FuneralCry]

Can I ask why you think it's so difficult? To my knowledge both SN and N seem like peaceful and easy methods.

I do not have SN or N, the only available methods to me are awful and risky. Suicide is difficult for me personally, the fear of failure is what holds me back.

 

[barelys4ne]

I've obtained SN and finally came to the conclusion that there really isn't a way out of my trauma/depression and life situation. Maybe with insane luck, time, and external help I could be convinced to stay alive. I'm only here till Feb 2023 at most, I have trips planned and I want to see how far I can get in my competitive hobby till the inevitable chaos that will be brought upon me.

I'm in the planning stage right now and will be making a bunch of notes, figuring out who gets parts of my belongings, etc. I want to make sure I'm in control of all the factors that could lead me to a failed attempt and this takes time.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I've obtained SN and finally came to the conclusion that there really isn't a way out of my trauma/depression and life situation. Maybe with insane luck, time, and external help I could be convinced to stay alive. I'm only here till Feb 2023 at most, I have trips planned and I want to see how far I can get in my competitive hobby till the inevitable chaos that will be brought upon me.

I'm in the planning stage right now and will be making a bunch of notes, figuring out who gets parts of my belongings, etc. I want to make sure I'm in control of all the factors that could lead me to a failed attempt and this takes time.

What competitive hobby if I may ask? :)

 

[xo777]

The fear of things getting better even though I know it's been a really long time and i'm still not better yet it's just I really wish I was. I know I won't ever feel better and I have to go soon

 

[Weebster]

Because I'm a scared little birch

 

[barelys4ne]

What competitive hobby if I may ask? :)

SSBM, I play fighting games competitively

 

[WorthlessTrash]

SSBM, I play fighting games competitively

fair enough :) (sorry for going off topic).

How do you maintain your motivation to stick to it? I myself do something competitive as a hobby, but lost all my drive to do it because of my depression.

 

[Sweet Chainsaw]

Cats

Logistics

Tiny, tiny sparkle of hope

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I know this is way off topic, but really have no idea where to ask it. Does a line through someone's name mean they are deceased? Maybe banned? I only ask because NormaJeane started this thread, and Sherri chimed in a time or two. This thread is not that old. Both of their writings seem to indicate that both are fighters, and are fighting. Or, were fighting I guess, maybe. But, there are lines through their names. And Sherri, apparently, had been on SS quite some time with over 13K posts. Did their fight end? Just like that?

 

[barelys4ne]

fair enough :) (sorry for going off topic).

How do you maintain your motivation to stick to it? I myself do something competitive as a hobby, but lost all my drive to do it because of my depression.

A big reason why I stuck with the game is because I've accepted that suicide was what I wanted to do. My mentality shifted towards enjoying the rest of the time I have. I no longer cared that I was "wasting my time" and a part of my depression was how directionless and meaningless my life felt.

I still have issues with practicing consistently and doing it right because of my mental instability but im still improving at a decent pace after the revelation I had.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

A big reason why I stuck with the game is because I've accepted that suicide was what I wanted to do. My mentality shifted towards enjoying the rest of the time I have. I no longer cared that I was "wasting my time" and a part of my depression was how directionless and meaningless my life felt.

I still have issues with practicing consistently and doing it right because of my mental instability but im still improving at a decent pace after the revelation I had.

See, the issue for me is I intend to eventually CTB. Like it's inevitable and only a matter of time, unless some miracle happens and I am able to have my unrealistic solution to my depression come to fruition. It's like why plan to do all these things when I don't even know if I am going to be able to see it through?

Like I could be selling some cards in the hobby I partake in, but why bother? What am I going to need the money for? I won't be around forever (hopefully).

 

[barelys4ne]

See, the issue for me is I intend to eventually CTB. Like it's inevitable and only a matter of time, unless some miracle happens and I am able to have my unrealistic solution to my depression come to fruition. It's like why plan to do all these things when I don't even know if I am going to be able to see it through?

Like I could be selling some cards in the hobby I partake in, but why bother? What am I going to need the money for? I won't be around forever (hopefully).

I've only felt the burst of motivation consistently after obtaining my method (SN), a rough date, and a location where no one will for sure come save me. I don't know if it will do the same for you but just the insurance that I know it will work and be relatively peaceful just helped me so much.

Enjoy the time you have left, treat yourself! If you can.

 

[everest920]

Just because someone wants to die doesn't mean they want to suffer death.

 

[thereisthemist]

it's simple
the answer is 'yet'

 

[Slimetae]

Video games and the simple fact is if I really wanna do it I couldn't anyways just not my time

 

[No_Longer_Human]

The SN didn't work. Or rather, I was found before it had time to do its job! So two years later and I'm still here. And planning on sticking around for a while despite myself