DragMeIntoPlace911
Wandering Devil (cybertron hellfire)
- Dec 16, 2024
- 11
Every single fucking day.
I couldn't handle my diagnosis, I thought i was controlling my hallucinations, thinking I'd be having fun turning it into daydreams, my delusions became worse as time passes and the line between imagination and reality blurs.
it's been 1600 days, I couldn't even fix it no matter how hard I push it out or relax my mind or redirect it. I'll always come back, I hate this. I couldn't even destroy my daydreams, and I wasted my early adolescence creating these horrible monsters, on top of that they relentlessly bullied and harrassed me to the point I Couldn't even have an outlet let alone have my thoughts or daydreams dead so I can have my mind territory at peace.
My daydreams became worse as I imagined them more sentient, on top of that I originally wanted them to realistically act as realistic as the characters I wanted to badly meet and liked in the internet.
Not only I fucked up the simulations I also didn't add failsafes, now I've been dealing with semi sentient fucks running around my head, Teyvat this, Yandere simulator that, Solaris 3 this. Bullshit.
They even bullied me to hell and back and when I bitched and moaned and begged them desperately to stop they even went lower to the point I had to do disgusting ways to scare them off, didn't work, and now I fucked up. Great another day raising these fictional brats.
They also sexually abused me to the point of being traumatized over sex and people having fun in relationships. I fucking hate being in love. They forced me to watch my crushes or girlfriends have sex? Jesus PLEASE you're both insufferable, JUST DIE. Goddamnit. I hate cucking trauma.
Before I had omnipotent-control of my daydreams, I was homeless there I couldn't redirect, relax or even fix it, it's automatically there. on top of that I witnessed horrifying shit on the streets, and also get traumatized.
What's even more disturbing is that they've staged a coup many more times trying to overthrow me ever since I got my omnipotent-like control over my simulations(or daydreams, yes I'm slowly losing sense of reality cause of them and sense of understanding them as my imagination as a whole).
Now that I've been running away and just digging lower in a non stop spiral in the dirt, I've already dug up my whole grave and can't reverse the creation of them and my actions.
Do I regret what I've done as a way to scare them off, no. They even knew this and badly and morally indoctrinated me so bad I couldn't tell between right and wrong and suffering from moral apathy and antisocial behaviours. At this point am I even making sense?
I wanna badly kill myself, I wanna end the simulations and kill all of my creations, I REGRET CREATING THEM, THEY'RE UNGRATEFUL.
Every single day for months I've been crying intesnely cause of them. I can't deal with this, I have no choice.
But hey, at least I have enough awareness that they're not real.
I couldn't handle my diagnosis, I thought i was controlling my hallucinations, thinking I'd be having fun turning it into daydreams, my delusions became worse as time passes and the line between imagination and reality blurs.
it's been 1600 days, I couldn't even fix it no matter how hard I push it out or relax my mind or redirect it. I'll always come back, I hate this. I couldn't even destroy my daydreams, and I wasted my early adolescence creating these horrible monsters, on top of that they relentlessly bullied and harrassed me to the point I Couldn't even have an outlet let alone have my thoughts or daydreams dead so I can have my mind territory at peace.
My daydreams became worse as I imagined them more sentient, on top of that I originally wanted them to realistically act as realistic as the characters I wanted to badly meet and liked in the internet.
Not only I fucked up the simulations I also didn't add failsafes, now I've been dealing with semi sentient fucks running around my head, Teyvat this, Yandere simulator that, Solaris 3 this. Bullshit.
They even bullied me to hell and back and when I bitched and moaned and begged them desperately to stop they even went lower to the point I had to do disgusting ways to scare them off, didn't work, and now I fucked up. Great another day raising these fictional brats.
They also sexually abused me to the point of being traumatized over sex and people having fun in relationships. I fucking hate being in love. They forced me to watch my crushes or girlfriends have sex? Jesus PLEASE you're both insufferable, JUST DIE. Goddamnit. I hate cucking trauma.
Before I had omnipotent-control of my daydreams, I was homeless there I couldn't redirect, relax or even fix it, it's automatically there. on top of that I witnessed horrifying shit on the streets, and also get traumatized.
What's even more disturbing is that they've staged a coup many more times trying to overthrow me ever since I got my omnipotent-like control over my simulations(or daydreams, yes I'm slowly losing sense of reality cause of them and sense of understanding them as my imagination as a whole).
Now that I've been running away and just digging lower in a non stop spiral in the dirt, I've already dug up my whole grave and can't reverse the creation of them and my actions.
Do I regret what I've done as a way to scare them off, no. They even knew this and badly and morally indoctrinated me so bad I couldn't tell between right and wrong and suffering from moral apathy and antisocial behaviours. At this point am I even making sense?
I wanna badly kill myself, I wanna end the simulations and kill all of my creations, I REGRET CREATING THEM, THEY'RE UNGRATEFUL.
Every single day for months I've been crying intesnely cause of them. I can't deal with this, I have no choice.
But hey, at least I have enough awareness that they're not real.
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