The point of no return: What made you commit to a specific CTB date?

[Samsara]

I've been living with treatment-resistant depression and have wanted to CTB for 13 years.

For users who can relate and have set a CTB date, I am curious, at what point did you decide to CTB? Was there a precipitating event? Did you just decide you were fed up with it all one day?

Essentially, I am curious about the point at which you decided to commit to CTB and a date.

 

[Zzzzz]

Every day . I plan for ctb but I'm never able to go through with it mentally. For me it was more everything slowly added up.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I've been living with treatment-resistant depression and have wanted to CTB for 13 years.

For users who can relate and have set a CTB date, I am curious, at what point did you decide to CTB? Was there a precipitating event? Did you just decide you were fed up with it all one day?

Essentially, I am curious about the point at which you decided to commit to CTB and a date.

13 years? That's rough. My sympathies.

 

[Bedrock48]

There was a time back in March where lockdowns were either reinforced or extended. I chose a date for a couple weeks but then woke one day just thinking "Nah, screw this I'm out" and tried to ctb early. Obviously didn't work out and I survived.

That's probably my latest example of just realising I was over living in the world in its current state. Even though lockdowns have ended I still feel like that in part.

 

[Snake of Eden]

It is hard to stick to a date after I got too comfortable with my own misery. Now it is before year's end. Hopefully this one will stick

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It is hard to stick to a date after I got too comfortable with my own misery. Now it is before year's end. Hopefully this one will stick

I found that one can adapt to misery - Crawl into the shadows and hide - Avoid other humans and any other interactions, reduce cost to the bare minimum… And live day after day a wretched existence… makes CTB a challenge

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I found that one can adapt to misery - Crawl into the shadows and hide - Avoid other humans and any other interactions, reduce cost to the bare minimum… And live day after day a wretched existence… makes CTB a challenge

Good observation. This is exactly why I do my best to maintain some strength. I know that the adaptation to misery has a high chance of leading to an impulsive, painful suicide.

This is why after a lot of suicides people say shit like "no one could tell it was that bad". - yeah bitch, that's by design.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I found that one can adapt to misery - Crawl into the shadows and hide - Avoid other humans and any other interactions, reduce cost to the bare minimum… And live day after day a wretched existence… makes CTB a challenge

That's exactly describes my got-used-to misery word for word

 

[Samsara]

There was a time back in March where lockdowns were either reinforced or extended. I chose a date for a couple weeks but then woke one day just thinking "Nah, screw this I'm out" and tried to ctb early. Obviously didn't work out and I survived.

That's probably my latest example of just realising I was over living in the world in its current state. Even though lockdowns have ended I still feel like that in part.

It's really interesting you just woke up one day and decided you're done

 

[Bedrock48]

It's really interesting you just woke up one day and decided you're done

Yeah I guess it is, I haven't experienced conviction quite like it since but I guess that was the pressure of months of lockdown doing it to me.

 

[edu0z]

There comes a time when you realize that there is no solution, there is no way out or anything else to try. It is not worth finishing it in a "pretty" way, or "Epic" with a romantic movie ending. You just want it all to end at once no matter how. So you give yourself a period of one week to evaluate your resources and options and form a plan that has the greatest chance of success, while reviewing your life and you forgive yourself to try to leave in peace... At least that's how it's for me right now. There is no date with special importance, not any of that... after all I'm going to be dead and I won't care about the story behind me. I try to put things in order in my head until I have the best way to die and then I go.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not sure I would ever be able to stick to a specific date for ctb, I will likely do it when things get worse and I get desperate. Of course ctb is very difficult, if it was easier I would already be gone. I have never wanted to be alive. Even from a young age I have found death to be comforting. I am not meant for this world and I want nothing to do with life, I simply hate existing. Suicide has just always felt like the right thing for me and I know nothing would ever make me want to live. Life is just suffering. I do not want to experience anything ever again, I want to be at peace.

 

[Account unknown]

I found that one can adapt to misery - Crawl into the shadows and hide - Avoid other humans and any other interactions, reduce cost to the bare minimum… And live day after day a wretched existence… makes CTB a challenge

Ummm… are you spying on me? :')

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

I am also suicidal since the past 13+ years and have attempted almost 5 times during these years. I guess I was fine untill this may and did have some hope to live and make a life out of this shithole of an existence. But then something terrible happened and my abusive family crossed its very limit. Now it is genuinely all over for me. And CTB is infact the most logical option I have

 

[TheEndTimes]

I realized while on a psychedelic treatment for depression. It just clicked—set a date and it will happen. I got a countdown app. I want to do a few bucket list things, work out a proper notice at my job, put my affairs in order.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Good observation. This is exactly why I do my best to maintain some strength. I know that the adaptation to misery has a high chance of leading to an impulsive, painful suicide.

This is why after a lot of suicides people say shit like "no one could tell it was that bad". - yeah bitch, that's by design.

I'm too wimpy for anything but N

 

[NormaJeane]

It has risen gradually the last five years because of chronic health problems. I just want to find a method that works.

 

[ghost_]

I have a date but I haven't started any of the plan yet like grabbing the supplies, writing what I need to write out in letters, etc, etc, etc

we'll see if I go through with it

 

[thefoodispoison]

I realized while on a psychedelic treatment for depression. It just clicked—set a date and it will happen. I got a countdown app. I want to do a few bucket list things, work out a proper notice at my job, put my affairs in order.

I'm guessing that's not the outcome the docs were hoping for. Glad it gave you clarity.

A few months ago I finally had the conviction to start planning in earnest, and that involved choosing a method and date. I chose a date 1) that the person I live with would be out of town so I could have uninterrupted time, and 2) perhaps pettily, is the day before the birthday of an ex-friend who harmed me irreparably, so I would be discovered on their birthday..

The date is very near, but I have decided to postpone. I am starting a new depression treatment soon and am going to try to give it a chance, though of course I'm skeptical. In the meantime I still read these forums obsessively every day, which has led to me reconsidering a method.

 

[TheEndTimes]

I'm guessing that's not the outcome the docs were hoping for. Glad it gave you clarity.

A few months ago I finally had the conviction to start planning in earnest, and that involved choosing a method and date. I chose a date 1) that the person I live with would be out of town so I could have uninterrupted time, and 2) perhaps pettily, is the day before the birthday of an ex-friend who harmed me irreparably, so I would be discovered on their birthday..

The date is very near, but I have decided to postpone. I am starting a new depression treatment soon and am going to try to give it a chance, though of course I'm skeptical. In the meantime I still read these forums obsessively every day, which has led to me reconsidering a method.

Thanks for sharing your plan. I live by myself in an apartment building, so I suppose I'll be discovered by maintenance once the neighbors smell me. I originally considered doing it on my 50th birthday but then a number of people would likely notice my silence. My sibling's birthday is a few days after mine, so I'm going to wait until after that so I can wish them a happy birthday one last time

 

[LDARbeforeROPE]

Did you just decide you were fed up with it all one day?

pretty much

Every day . I plan for ctb but I'm never able to go through with it mentally. For me it was more everything slowly added up.

 

[heatdeath]

Probably when I turn 40, I feel like I've lived long enough. I'm over a ton of things and wouldn't mind checking out early just to silence everything.

 

[okaoki]

few days from now before they suspend my internet cuz i didn't pay the bill , had little money left to eat some McD before going