Crematoryy
Autophagic Loneliness
- Feb 12, 2025
- 254
These are records of the terrifying emotional suffering I have endured in recent months:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-never-valued-me-but-its-excruciating.238226/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...esent-and-then-she-abandoned-me-again.237778/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-girlfriend-dumped-me-help-me-sasu.235013/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/everyone-looks-better-than-me.242878/#post-3468154
For nights I've been crying. Heartbroken, trying to rebuild myself from the pieces. I felt the despair that drives people to do anything. The worst feeling in the universe: it's not depression, nor loneliness, but despair. Until a few hours ago I was planning a suicidal attack. But, simply because of the return of the person—who almost destroyed me, who left me in a horrible way—I feel as if an inexhaustible pain has been healed. I must admit, my "love" is unhealthy, I have no control over my emotions and thoughts. And it doesn't make sense that I feel good only because of the return of someone who didn't even deserve my acceptance back! I'm having problems in this relationship! And I wouldn't be surprised if everything repeated itself for the third time, and I came back to post on this forum with a broken heart. People tell me "you should leave this time," "don't forget what you felt," but how can I reject what I love? How can I leave the only source of love I have? I AM LONELY. My entire profile on this forum demonstrates loneliness. I feel lost without anyone when I'm not by that person's side. The whole world is so hostile and indifferent. My dependence is total. As if the ultimate meaning of my existence has been conditioned on another person.
I'm at a crossroads. I need a support circle, present family, friends. Things that bring self-love without being exclusively through a romantic relationship.
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-never-valued-me-but-its-excruciating.238226/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...esent-and-then-she-abandoned-me-again.237778/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-girlfriend-dumped-me-help-me-sasu.235013/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/everyone-looks-better-than-me.242878/#post-3468154
For nights I've been crying. Heartbroken, trying to rebuild myself from the pieces. I felt the despair that drives people to do anything. The worst feeling in the universe: it's not depression, nor loneliness, but despair. Until a few hours ago I was planning a suicidal attack. But, simply because of the return of the person—who almost destroyed me, who left me in a horrible way—I feel as if an inexhaustible pain has been healed. I must admit, my "love" is unhealthy, I have no control over my emotions and thoughts. And it doesn't make sense that I feel good only because of the return of someone who didn't even deserve my acceptance back! I'm having problems in this relationship! And I wouldn't be surprised if everything repeated itself for the third time, and I came back to post on this forum with a broken heart. People tell me "you should leave this time," "don't forget what you felt," but how can I reject what I love? How can I leave the only source of love I have? I AM LONELY. My entire profile on this forum demonstrates loneliness. I feel lost without anyone when I'm not by that person's side. The whole world is so hostile and indifferent. My dependence is total. As if the ultimate meaning of my existence has been conditioned on another person.
I'm at a crossroads. I need a support circle, present family, friends. Things that bring self-love without being exclusively through a romantic relationship.
Last edited:
