Venting The Ordeal and Real

[LemonadeArc]

Couldn't be me. I seem to have found myself trapped once again in the turmoil of the past that lingers, it hurts me, cuts deep into my flesh, I want to fly once more, to reach out the purest sense of truth. Yet I am trapped, in this chrysalis made out of everything I despise, a façade that everyone seems to find so precious, interesting, a treasure amidst the ugliness of the daily struggle. I got no more words in me, the few left were wasted on the most precious soul that I will never again share my life with, so foolish. My heart beats in the rhythm of despair, memories singing and piercing my eardrums, it is my choice not to forget, yet it is painful to think that what it was not, will never be. Her, a ghost that haunts me, a coldness that shatters my line of thought, the distance is so much to bear, every time I look at you the race starts all over again, and each time is less the effort. I cannot allow my self to love her, it is a war I'm not a part of to begin with. Yet, as soon as my escape is due, I fall for another, a red mane that moves the smallest pieces of clockwork that lay in my chest. My whole body is set aflame, every inch of this body now itches for this new sensation. It's always me, someone who cannot live truthfully putting their heart on the line once again. It saddens me, that I will meet wonderful people, grow within them, and yet it will never flourish. It's my human condition, love grows wherever I got, but it is futile, it's not me who they love, it's just that impish face I carry, do they even bother to dirty their hands and look for what I truly am? Not a single time.
I've freed myself from everything, most people that hurt me are long gone, yet I find myself trapped in these feelings. People will always love the man that is shown outside, not the woman that is truly me, it will always be my curse.