The only time I wasn't suicidal was when I was on drugs

[BittersweetSymphony]

I spent most of my twenties doing Oxycontin, and that was literally the only time in my life that I wasn't perpetually suicidal. Every day, even the days when I couldn't get it, had a purpose. If I had the OC, I was good. If I didn't, I was figuring out how to get it. It literally made all of my problems disappear. Except for one thing...

Everyone else was telling me it was wrong. Other than that, it had no negative effect on my wellbeing. In fact, it produced some of the "socially approved" greatest moments of my life. I was killing it at work. I was so sociable that I was not only gladly helping upset customers, but I was going out and introducing strangers to our brand. I got promoted from a minimum wage earning peon into a member of management. It also helped me to create one of the only long term romantic relationships I ever had. The cute girl from work that I was always afraid to talk to...I walked up and asked her to have lunch with me. Something that I would have never done if I wasn't "under the influence." She ended up calling me and inviting me to a party. And a couple of days later, she was my girlfriend for over a year.

I do have to admit that it was addictive. What shy loser wouldn't be addicted to suddenly feeling like they had complete control of their life? But I never got so addicted that I ever thought of stealing or robbing someone if I couldn't get it. But that's besides the point, because the government could literally produce this shit for pennies and sell it for a dollar.

And that's what really annoys me. They pretend like they care about preventing suicide. They pretend like the happiness of their populace is their goal. Well here's a little pill that could turn a perpetually suicidal, non-contributing zero into a happy, productive member of society. And instead of making it available to anyone who wants it and proves they can thrive with it, they turn it into a criminal act. And they force people like me to try Zoloft and Lexapro and other shit that made me into a zombie who wasn't dumb enough to realize he was a zombie.

I mean, seriously, what the fuck?!

 

[Euthanza]

Does Oxycontin have bad withdrawal effect? Still using it?

 

[BittersweetSymphony]

Does Oxycontin have bad withdrawal effect? Still using it?

Anything that makes you feel less shitty that you suddenly stop taking will have withdrawal effects. Oxy was expensive, so it wasn't a daily thing for me. When I was forced to stop doing it, the withdrawal was mostly mental. I would get extremely annoyed because I knew happiness was just a phone call away, and I couldn't get it. Compare that to the withdrawal effects of alcohol or benzos, two easily available alternatives that I also used.

Alcohol had a similar but way less useful effect on me than Oxy. It helped me feel better when I had it, but it also made me stumble and slur my speech so badly that anyone could tell I was fucked up. I still kept using it because it was cheap and easily available, but it actually hurt my performance at work. At my worst, I was showing up to work drunk and slipping off the sales floor every 10 minutes to take a swig off the bottle I kept hidden at my desk. When I was forced to stop that, I got the worst withdrawal symptoms I ever experienced. Violent shaking, sweating, horrific anxiety, nausea, the works. It got so bad that I had to go the ER for emergency treatment. They pumped me full of Ativan, gave me a prescription for Librium, and strongly suggested that I check myself into a detox clinic, which wasn't feasible for a functioning alcoholic who needed to keep working to pay his rent.

I'm not doing Oxy anymore, only because the government made it incredibly difficult to get. But when I look at my life now versus what it was then, I'm forced to admit that my quality of life has gone way, WAY down.

 

[ithappens]

This is how I feel about stuff like weed, lsd, shrooms, etc. I never touched pain killers like oxy, but I've known people who have. Different people, different brains, different needs. But they'd rather keep harmless weed illegal in most states (or tightly locked under getting a presctiption) despite me functioning on it perfectly, and keep feeding people meds that have questionable effectiveness (same cure rate as a placebo), can shrink your brain and cause other dysfunctions, takes forever to kick in and actually work, and always had weird side effects for me/never made me happy but instead just made me dead inside/emotionless but otherwise functional.

I am firmly convinced that they don't just want people to be functional cogs in society. They want people to be functional cogs while suffering as much as is humanly possible.

 

[BittersweetSymphony]

I totally agree. Personally, I can't use weed because it seems to have the opposite effect on me than it does for everyone who likes it. They say it slows things down and makes their problems go away. But for me, it sets my mind racing 10 times faster than it already is, and I spend the entire high lying in bed trying to calm myself down. Same deal with shrooms and stuff like that. But who cares what it does to me? Plenty of the most creative minds in the world vouch for it and admit they couldn't do what they do without it.

Why can't everyone just be allowed to take the thing that makes them happy and productive? You can literally look at my earnings record and see the sharp increase and nosedive decrease that surrounded my use of Oxy. Why would you deny someone the only thing that made them happy and productive? For exactly the reason you said. They don't care about how productive I am. My productivity is a drop in the bucket compared to the millionaires and billionaires who run our society. They just want people like me to work and suffer.

 

[outrider567]

Drugs? Only time I feel less like CTB'ing, is when I'm eating strawberry ice cream

 

[justtoojaded]

Drugs? Only time I feel less like CTB'ing, is when I'm eating strawberry ice cream

Lol I wish it was that easy that I could eat ice cream and be okay.

I've been taking Xanax lately and that's been really helping me feel happy.

 

[BittersweetSymphony]

Lol I wish it was that easy that I could eat ice cream and be okay.

I've been taking Xanax lately and that's been really helping me feel happy.

I'm so happy it's helping you. For me, it just made me sleep lol. Which isn't too bad of a consolation!

 

[justtoojaded]

I'm so happy it's helping you. For me, it just made me sleep lol. Which isn't too bad of a consolation!

Lol yeah, it can definitely make me feel a bit sleepy. I like that heavy, relaxed feeling though. I work at a bank, so I'm mostly sitting anyway.