TheHatedOne
Death is salvation
- Sep 26, 2021
- 2,028
While everything else is going awful in my life and I'm just suffering and failing at everything, there's one thing that I don't have to worry about anymore and one thing that's a positive: I got rid of my abusive parents.
My parents are my worst enemies. They can't even be called parents. They traumatized me. Sometimes I find myself tremoring, especially my hands probably from all the scandals in my early childhood. I wonder if I'm a jumpy coward due to those events.
Anyways, I've been abused mentally and emotionally by them. Thankfully no sexual abuse (though I'm kinda paranoid about something and it's even harder since I don't have any memories anymore from my childhood), and a little bit physically (slaps and kicks when I was young). But yeah, it was mostly at a mental and emotional level and that really fucked up my whole life. My ''mother'' loved to scream at me on a daily basis and insult me, always telling me I'm dumb and unable of anything. Sometimes the situation would degenerate. Throughout this year before moving out and last year I've been threatened many times that I would be kicked out since I'm over 18 and because I'm over 18 apparently I can magically care about myself now, just clap and you instantly get a job and a new roof over your head!! It's that simple!!! The threatens she would throw at me are beyond outrageous. Always threatening violence. Not to say that throughout my younger years I had to starve cause she didn't care to make food and many times they didnt even bother to go buy groceries even if we didn't have food or other necessary things at home.
The conditions I had to live in at that house were simply... I don't even know how to say... evil. I can't even write them because I'm embarassed. I have fucked up bladder because of them. They were also very dirty and because of them I became a clean freak and germaphobe, this also further fucked up my life. I also felt fear non stop, always locking the door of my room at night but still being terrified they might get in and do something to me. I always feared they could do something to me.
And now moving on to my ''father''. He was the worst. Fuck him. I'll celebrate when both will die but I'll celebrate my ''father's'' death the most. He has always hated me. It was clear seeing the way he was treating my sister and how they treated me. They both actually treated my sister better than me. She's older than me and we aren't close, I'd say I dislike her too because one time I begged her to help me after ''mother'' threatened to kick me out. She didn't bother. Even tho when she was young she was abused worse than me.
Returning back to my main idea, he always hated me. Probably because I turned out AFAB instead of AMAB, he really wanted to have a boy and he told me this many times. But that will never justify the way he treated me. I've always hated him too but I wasn't clear as why, I also have always feared him. When I was young I had to do homeworks with him and he would always scream at me. See, he's also an alcoholic drinking on a daily basis so yeah.
The reason for the hate I always had towards him was confirmed starting with December 2020. Since then and until I moved out he psychologically terrified and traumatized me (I can't say what he was doing to me, again, it's very embarassing). I'll never forgive his treatment towards me, even on the day before I moved out. The trauma he inflicted on me affects me even until this day, spending hours and hours with it manifesting.
I believed that I'd never make out of that prison. Out of that hell. Until July I lived in two hells: the outside hell (the world we live in) and this hell with these tormentors. My partner helped me a lot in this and since then I see him as a saviour even though nowadays he completely changed and is an asshole towards me.
I feel free, my mind feels better, I can do whatever I want (go to toilet whenever I want, shower even at 3am if I want to, go outside whenever I want, drink whatever and how much I want etc.), I'm enjoying the silence and peace I have here. I still have paranoid thoughts that they could somehow get in here and do something to me (I only moved on the other side of the city), when I first visited the apartment I'm living in now I had to bring my mother with me cause she wasn't leaving me alone otherwise. I try to not think too much about it.
Nowadays my ''father'' especially spams messages to me and I want to tell him to go fuck himself so much. He lost his last tool of abuse and amusement and now he suffers. They both did. Both asking when I'll come visit. The only reason I visit is because of my cat. My kitty loves me so much and I also love him, it pains me that nowadays I can't really visit him because of my shit university schedule with classes non stop.
And that was it for now, I'm sorry for this wall of text but I wanted to get this out of my chest and remember that at least there's something good and I'm glad that I managed to escape.
My parents are my worst enemies. They can't even be called parents. They traumatized me. Sometimes I find myself tremoring, especially my hands probably from all the scandals in my early childhood. I wonder if I'm a jumpy coward due to those events.
Anyways, I've been abused mentally and emotionally by them. Thankfully no sexual abuse (though I'm kinda paranoid about something and it's even harder since I don't have any memories anymore from my childhood), and a little bit physically (slaps and kicks when I was young). But yeah, it was mostly at a mental and emotional level and that really fucked up my whole life. My ''mother'' loved to scream at me on a daily basis and insult me, always telling me I'm dumb and unable of anything. Sometimes the situation would degenerate. Throughout this year before moving out and last year I've been threatened many times that I would be kicked out since I'm over 18 and because I'm over 18 apparently I can magically care about myself now, just clap and you instantly get a job and a new roof over your head!! It's that simple!!! The threatens she would throw at me are beyond outrageous. Always threatening violence. Not to say that throughout my younger years I had to starve cause she didn't care to make food and many times they didnt even bother to go buy groceries even if we didn't have food or other necessary things at home.
The conditions I had to live in at that house were simply... I don't even know how to say... evil. I can't even write them because I'm embarassed. I have fucked up bladder because of them. They were also very dirty and because of them I became a clean freak and germaphobe, this also further fucked up my life. I also felt fear non stop, always locking the door of my room at night but still being terrified they might get in and do something to me. I always feared they could do something to me.
And now moving on to my ''father''. He was the worst. Fuck him. I'll celebrate when both will die but I'll celebrate my ''father's'' death the most. He has always hated me. It was clear seeing the way he was treating my sister and how they treated me. They both actually treated my sister better than me. She's older than me and we aren't close, I'd say I dislike her too because one time I begged her to help me after ''mother'' threatened to kick me out. She didn't bother. Even tho when she was young she was abused worse than me.
Returning back to my main idea, he always hated me. Probably because I turned out AFAB instead of AMAB, he really wanted to have a boy and he told me this many times. But that will never justify the way he treated me. I've always hated him too but I wasn't clear as why, I also have always feared him. When I was young I had to do homeworks with him and he would always scream at me. See, he's also an alcoholic drinking on a daily basis so yeah.
The reason for the hate I always had towards him was confirmed starting with December 2020. Since then and until I moved out he psychologically terrified and traumatized me (I can't say what he was doing to me, again, it's very embarassing). I'll never forgive his treatment towards me, even on the day before I moved out. The trauma he inflicted on me affects me even until this day, spending hours and hours with it manifesting.
I believed that I'd never make out of that prison. Out of that hell. Until July I lived in two hells: the outside hell (the world we live in) and this hell with these tormentors. My partner helped me a lot in this and since then I see him as a saviour even though nowadays he completely changed and is an asshole towards me.
I feel free, my mind feels better, I can do whatever I want (go to toilet whenever I want, shower even at 3am if I want to, go outside whenever I want, drink whatever and how much I want etc.), I'm enjoying the silence and peace I have here. I still have paranoid thoughts that they could somehow get in here and do something to me (I only moved on the other side of the city), when I first visited the apartment I'm living in now I had to bring my mother with me cause she wasn't leaving me alone otherwise. I try to not think too much about it.
Nowadays my ''father'' especially spams messages to me and I want to tell him to go fuck himself so much. He lost his last tool of abuse and amusement and now he suffers. They both did. Both asking when I'll come visit. The only reason I visit is because of my cat. My kitty loves me so much and I also love him, it pains me that nowadays I can't really visit him because of my shit university schedule with classes non stop.
And that was it for now, I'm sorry for this wall of text but I wanted to get this out of my chest and remember that at least there's something good and I'm glad that I managed to escape.
