My adopted brother (not really adopted, just really close to the family) died last night. This is fucking shit. I'll probably be quiet a few days
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MysticPerception
I'm back and I'll still smile for you
- Dec 31, 2019
- 1,252
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
I'm sorry. I hope you and your family will be ok during this time!
CynicalHopelessness
Messenger of Silence
- Jan 9, 2020
- 940
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
I probably should've kept the time that me and my grandma agreed on cause people keep talking
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
At the hospital, waiting to see a psych. Will probably be an hour wait.
I'm officially admitted to ER but thats just the protocol they have to follow for me to see a psych today.
going to try to be open minded about this. My GP wants me to see a psych and this is the fastest way to do it so here we are. I know I'm not taking any psych meds tho hopefully the conversation isn't just dominated by that.
I'm officially admitted to ER but thats just the protocol they have to follow for me to see a psych today.
going to try to be open minded about this. My GP wants me to see a psych and this is the fastest way to do it so here we are. I know I'm not taking any psych meds tho hopefully the conversation isn't just dominated by that.
Thanks. I'm just numb at the moment. I lost my real brother to suicide when I was younger. Now this guy, and they don't even know why yet.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I'm glad you are getting help. Keep an open mind about meds. I know I couldn't be without them.
Please keep us up to date. You know we are here for you.
Still check in. Otherwise I will nag the hell out of you. We are all going to be worried about you during this time.
Damn. Everyone's got long ass paragraphs explaining what their cognitive mind trap situation is and I have a sentence
nothing wrong with that. Maybe you can't articulate it with as many words - doesn't mean your experience is any less real. Feelings are feelings, and words are at best a reductive approximation of those feelings.
keep up the good work!
CynicalHopelessness
Messenger of Silence
- Jan 9, 2020
- 940
*sigh* Guess I'll sleep, then. Have a not shitty day/night, everybody.
Nemeshisu
Experienced
- Dec 25, 2019
- 236
I am still here. It is raining today, so atleast it is bit more peaceful outside.
Sleep tight!
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
When it comes to the tattoos, has anyone seen the *trend* of semi colons as tattoos, in favour of surviving suicide, and that fact their story isn't over yet?! Im on a couple fb groups (which I keep meaning to leave) and its constantly there, apparently it's mean to show strength and power and shit for getting through all this
Maybe I am just in a bad mood but fuck that shit!! why does this path have to have a trend attached, why do you have to have a attention seeking image on your body to scream to this world that you are or have been on this path?
I think I get the sentiment BUT!
Maybe I am just in a bad mood but fuck that shit!! why does this path have to have a trend attached, why do you have to have a attention seeking image on your body to scream to this world that you are or have been on this path?
I think I get the sentiment BUT!
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
Ugh! I didn't want to get up this morning!
I was up & down all night & my mind was racing.
Of course, I was anxious about strangers being in my house today.
But also just thinking about things in general. I plan to ctb soon.
Sometime in the next 2 or so weeks, by or around February 15th. I was very brain foggy & "out of it", almost like on a drug trip without the drugs. For awhile, I was hallucinating or in a semi-dream state. I was seeing all of these bursts of sparkles and purple and blue butterflies and jewels bursting into sparkle confetti.
Then I started contemplating the pointlessness of life and that it all seems to be designed for maximum suffering. @WhyIsLife56 posted a thread about the burden of existence that I've read through a few times now. She seems so sweet and so heavily burdened by the suffering of humanity. In her thread, she said she wished every living thing could die with her so nothing would have to continue suffering.
I was up & down all night & my mind was racing.
Of course, I was anxious about strangers being in my house today.
But also just thinking about things in general. I plan to ctb soon.
Sometime in the next 2 or so weeks, by or around February 15th. I was very brain foggy & "out of it", almost like on a drug trip without the drugs. For awhile, I was hallucinating or in a semi-dream state. I was seeing all of these bursts of sparkles and purple and blue butterflies and jewels bursting into sparkle confetti.
Then I started contemplating the pointlessness of life and that it all seems to be designed for maximum suffering. @WhyIsLife56 posted a thread about the burden of existence that I've read through a few times now. She seems so sweet and so heavily burdened by the suffering of humanity. In her thread, she said she wished every living thing could die with her so nothing would have to continue suffering.
CynicalHopelessness
Messenger of Silence
- Jan 9, 2020
- 940
Maybe it shows that they are like a semicolon in Javascript. Unnecessary.
Sorry, that was harsh. I'll be going now.
@BlueWidow
:( sorry to hear about The sleep troubles. Sounds like you had a really rough night. hope it gets better throughout the day.
I think even if life is geared towards maximum suffering there are enough pockets of resistance and space where people can find meaning and happiness for themselves. Yes every living thing suffers at some point but I feel like that's just a truth of life rather than its whole entire purpose.
Did the plumber end up calling and coming to fix your problem?
——
There's two separate pairs of cops in the waiting area and they're making me uncomfortable.
My past life catching up with me
:( sorry to hear about The sleep troubles. Sounds like you had a really rough night. hope it gets better throughout the day.
I think even if life is geared towards maximum suffering there are enough pockets of resistance and space where people can find meaning and happiness for themselves. Yes every living thing suffers at some point but I feel like that's just a truth of life rather than its whole entire purpose.
Did the plumber end up calling and coming to fix your problem?
——
There's two separate pairs of cops in the waiting area and they're making me uncomfortable.
My past life catching up with me
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Thanks. I'm terrible at articulating myself and I think I have a learning disability, but have to go get tested.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Vivid dreaming can be better then hallucinations. I hope you have good dreams!
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
My patience with the plumber yesterday has been rewarded. I was first on their list today and they've already been here and unclogged my toilet. They did insist on going around and checking all my other sinks and so forth, but all they found that was really wrong was that my water heater is very old and probably needs to be replaced sooner rather than later. But they said for it being 30 years old, it's in excellent shape. Right now they're outside walking around looking for a sewer line or something. It's taking them a long time. I wish they'd just hurry up and go. I guess it doesn't matter because they've apparently also got some people in my neighborhood today cleaning out all the gutters, so someone will be coming around the outside of my house and doing that. While I'm glad I don't have to do it or hire someone to do it myself because it's the responsibility of the HOA-not me; I don't really like it when strangers are outside my house or anywhere near my house. I just like things to be quiet and I like to be left alone. I don't even really like it when they come to mow the lawn. I just want them to get it done and go away.
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
I'm still gonna CTB by this week or the next, so I'm not even sure why I'm here.
ostensibly it's so my doctor feels more comfortable treating me as a patient right now. I think part of me wants to see what they'll have to say. It'll be an interesting conversation either way.
have to remember not to raise any alarms cause I could be involuntarily admitted for 72 hours if I'm not careful.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
do it
unless you are in recovery in which case pls don't
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
