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I think it's called 'going through the motions'Alright, shower and getting myself made presentable complete.
I was thinking about this while I was doing my showering and getting dressed routine and I realized something. None of that makes me feel better anymore.
There was a time that taking a shower and getting myself cleaned up and dressed and so forth, or taking a nap, would make me feel better. Neither of those has been the case in a long time now. Yet, I'm still able to convince myself that if I just shower and get dressed, it's going to make me feel better. Only now, I have to continue doing it as I'm going through the routine because it's exhausting and my body wants to stop in the middle of the routine and rest, but I know if I stop and rest I'll never finish, so I just keep pushing myself until it's done.
Me: Just dry your hair and you'll feel better.
My body & mind: I don't want to! I'm tired!
Me: Just keep going so we can get this done. Then we won't have to do it for another couple of days.
My body & mind: >sigh< Okay.
But I was thinking about it and that seems to be some kind of a turning point. Once getting cleaned up or taking a nap doesn't make you feel any better, that must be some kind of a turning point in your illness or something. And I find that with a lot of other things too. A lot of other things that I used to do that made me feel better, don't make me feel better anymore. I still do them in the hopes that they will make me feel better, but they don't anymore. I now do most of them out of habit, I think.
And a big part of what frustrates me is that people see you dressed and showered and everything and they think you must be feeling better because you look better on the outside. So then when I try to explain to them that I don't feel any better on the inside, and in fact the activity of showering and getting dressed and so forth has actually exhausted me to the point where I now have to go and sit down and rest. They just scratch their heads and look at me because they don't get it.
"But you look like you're feeling better".
"Yes, but I'm not. I am clean on the outside, but that doesn't mean I'm feeling any better on the inside. I'm actually feeling worse on the inside right now simply because I had to get myself clean on the outside".
"Duh, I don't understand". >
>eye roll<. Me: I know.
My advice when a shock happens. Sleep on it. It's never good to make any decisions after a traumatic event.
I've been going ntheough the motinos for a bit over a month... and even forgetting to do so at times too
I come here every day and write shower and brush my teeth.Alright, shower and getting myself made presentable complete.
I was thinking about this while I was doing my showering and getting dressed routine and I realized something. None of that makes me feel better anymore.
There was a time that taking a shower and getting myself cleaned up and dressed and so forth, or taking a nap, would make me feel better. Neither of those has been the case in a long time now. Yet, I'm still able to convince myself that if I just shower and get dressed, it's going to make me feel better. Only now, I have to continue doing it as I'm going through the routine because it's exhausting and my body wants to stop in the middle of the routine and rest, but I know if I stop and rest I'll never finish, so I just keep pushing myself until it's done.
Me: Just dry your hair and you'll feel better.
My body & mind: I don't want to! I'm tired!
Me: Just keep going so we can get this done. Then we won't have to do it for another couple of days.
My body & mind: >sigh< Okay.
But I was thinking about it and that seems to be some kind of a turning point. Once getting cleaned up or taking a nap doesn't make you feel any better, that must be some kind of a turning point in your illness or something. And I find that with a lot of other things too. A lot of other things that I used to do that made me feel better, don't make me feel better anymore. I still do them in the hopes that they will make me feel better, but they don't anymore. I now do most of them out of habit, I think.
And a big part of what frustrates me is that people see you dressed and showered and everything and they think you must be feeling better because you look better on the outside. So then when I try to explain to them that I don't feel any better on the inside, and in fact the activity of showering and getting dressed and so forth has actually exhausted me to the point where I now have to go and sit down and rest. They just scratch their heads and look at me because they don't get it.
"But you look like you're feeling better".
"Yes, but I'm not. I am clean on the outside, but that doesn't mean I'm feeling any better on the inside. I'm actually feeling worse on the inside right now simply because I had to get myself clean on the outside".
"Duh, I don't understand". >
>eye roll<. Me: I know.
Ah. Okay. That's a real shame. I don't get why they'd want to destroy it though, maybe they are afraid of the competition?
I'm so sorry this is happening now. I know this is the last thing you need today. I guess, let us know what you're intending to do. It may not be what you want, but you might need to just hold off for a few days and let everything cool off again. I know that's not what you want to do though. I'm so sorry. It's really awful when you trust someone and then they betray your trust like this. I'm still only partially awake because I'm groggy from the medicine I took two days ago, STILL, in addition to my usual brain fog and such. But if you want to talk, you can PM me. I'll do the best I can to help. I'll be thinking of you.
That is sort of how BPD_LE reacted when I'd tell her of my (very) minor accomplishments each day. She said she was proud of me.
happy to link to my business profile, I ain't gonna be here much longer, so I donlt give a fuck and my husband already stalks me on here, so no point hiding shit!
nothing is the wrong answer. Keep us posted (of course, care for yourself first)
Yes, I miss her. I didn't know her as well as some people on the site did, but I was always happy to see her name around the site and to see her posts. It's not the same without her, and several other people. She was always very kind and funny.That is sort of how BPD_LE reacted when I'd tell her of my (very) minor accomplishments each day. She said she was proud of me.
Hey @BlueWidow for what it's worth, keep doing those things even if they don't give you the satisfaction they should. I'm proud of you.
