Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
-
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Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
granted if it does mean it switched, it could be useful, because it means the psychiatrist will have had me call when in a different state, called when I said I was depressed, and then return during the state when he changed the prescription to "fix that state from existing"....
plus I'l be a lot more confident which mans I'd be able to lie with a smile.
now if I could only figure out why there was that irritating small period of depressed/energized, multi-state thing that happened with almost all emotional states non-stop throughout the day in between ... might need to lie about that, not sure... hmm, I don't think he'd care, that doesn't seem like risky behavior... wait... the driving thing does... but that isn't commit-able things.... no... that'd just be like medicated like... so yes I'd be safe... definitely safe. I just need to lie about active thoughts and plan things. Yes... only that... nothing else, definitely lie about that, nothing else. Everything else should be fine and tell-able without any problems... that should be fine... ugh... why are things working at work... I need something minor to solve, this is boring... maybe coffee... I should have coffee.... too tired, I could fall asleep right now... and it's only been a few minutes.... ok... should get to work or something... maybe walk...
Still can't believe that I have to wait until Feb 10th to see the lawyer... now I have to wait until probably march for a freaking settlement... ugh... I hate this!!!
Hope peoples days are going good considering everything!
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edit: well that was a lot of text....
plus I'l be a lot more confident which mans I'd be able to lie with a smile.
now if I could only figure out why there was that irritating small period of depressed/energized, multi-state thing that happened with almost all emotional states non-stop throughout the day in between ... might need to lie about that, not sure... hmm, I don't think he'd care, that doesn't seem like risky behavior... wait... the driving thing does... but that isn't commit-able things.... no... that'd just be like medicated like... so yes I'd be safe... definitely safe. I just need to lie about active thoughts and plan things. Yes... only that... nothing else, definitely lie about that, nothing else. Everything else should be fine and tell-able without any problems... that should be fine... ugh... why are things working at work... I need something minor to solve, this is boring... maybe coffee... I should have coffee.... too tired, I could fall asleep right now... and it's only been a few minutes.... ok... should get to work or something... maybe walk...
Still can't believe that I have to wait until Feb 10th to see the lawyer... now I have to wait until probably march for a freaking settlement... ugh... I hate this!!!
Hope peoples days are going good considering everything!
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edit: well that was a lot of text....
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
yay for passive thoughts... but if a lie... well, I guess yay for at least lieing and trying for passive thoughts?
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omg... I can totally lie about suicidal thoughts being passive.... I can even say I'm not suicidal with a straight face....
well then... Friday has the possibility of being interesting to see which parts of my brain win out in a conversation.
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Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I am not suicidal. Still something isn't right.
showered and brushed my teeth
Got dressed in real clothes
Cleaned cat dishes and box
Groceries came, put them away, and threw away the bags.
Mailed a letter (not on my list)
showered and brushed my teeth
Got dressed in real clothes
Cleaned cat dishes and box
Groceries came, put them away, and threw away the bags.
Mailed a letter (not on my list)
CynicalHopelessness
Messenger of Silence
- Jan 9, 2020
- 940
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
YAY!
It's nice when others can be non-suicidal :)
Granted not everyone can be, but hey, if someone can--it's great!
But something isn't right?
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I still feel off. Something isn't right. Kinda like I drank a whole heck of a lot of coffee while being exhausted, and I am so wired I couldn't sleep if I tried.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Yup. It's always an adventure isn't it.
Brick In The Wall
2M Or Not 2B.
- Oct 30, 2019
- 25,158
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
That is definitely a weird feeling... I've felt that a number of times before and it's not fun! I hope it ends soon, or something!
I see people here have developed life hacks to get shit done. Should've peeked in earlier - it's nice to see a thread that doesn't reek of death for A change.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Any idea what it is or how to stop it?
We talk about everything here. From my favorite topic food to serious things like when you are having a meltdown and need help immediately.
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
I have no idea how to stop it :(
I've always just had to deal with it until it went away and suffered honestly. And it sucked.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
Well, it has death talk too honestly, but not always, and really a lot isn't, so even death stuff disappears or gets lost in the other stuff lol.
LegaliseIt!
Elementalist
- Nov 29, 2019
- 808
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Just took some asthma meds. Maybe a asthma attack is coming on making me gel this way. Can't hurt.
LegaliseIt!
Elementalist
- Nov 29, 2019
- 808
My favourite Super Bowl is full of Fruit Loops! Or, Captain Crunch with Crunchberries. We don't get Crunchberries in Canada—that is Seriously F**ked up!
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Yeah it's true. They are just passive. I want a meteor to hit me, but I'm not going to do anything.
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
Ok it is like official... I am in my impulsive fun loving state of impulsive confident, playful, dangerous, self-harm behavior in action almost state of endorphin like releasing thing of actions.
I totally feel like I can run, and do anything, I want to do things... and everything, and omg... I need to do stuff... lots of stuff.... like now...
like split second things... just for fun... like why not? it seems fun...
probably good I'm at work, not much I can do here... oh well... this is driving me crazy... that was probably a short drive... in reverse rofl.
I totally feel like I can run, and do anything, I want to do things... and everything, and omg... I need to do stuff... lots of stuff.... like now...
like split second things... just for fun... like why not? it seems fun...
probably good I'm at work, not much I can do here... oh well... this is driving me crazy... that was probably a short drive... in reverse rofl.
Are you possibly bipolar, or experiencing a phase of hypomania? The driving thing sounds dangerous.
Morning everyone. Back to the psych hospital today to see another psychiatrist.
MysticPerception
I'm back and I'll still smile for you
- Dec 31, 2019
- 1,252
Need to suicide went into maximum overdrive today after waking up christ. Wake up 2 hours before alarm, kids woke me up just like every other day at this hour ugh fine. Can't go back to sleep no I'm going to try close my eyes. Nope my sister deems it perfectly a good idea to have a discipline talk with her oldest child right in front of my room when he might start crying at any second and I sleep with my door open otherwise my room would be an oven. Real considerate. Then I wake up okay fine I'll start the day with lack of sleep whatever. Oh....oh....no my monitor isn't turning on. That's okay I can troubleshoot this I'm not tech illiterate I can do the basics. Nope nothing working. Nothing working. No, please no. Just no. I want to die and I want to break something at the same time. Okay I managed to wrestle the old tv(thank goodness we kept it) into my room and after an hour of setup(should have taken 30 seconds) I got it working. Oh nice the resolution is messed up okay I'll fix that. Now here I am, wanting to die so badly. I don't want to get a new monitor, I did not need more problems. The timing on this is horrible. It was nearly the straw that broke the camel's back. If the tv didn't work I think I would have just grabbed my SN and one of the gallons of water I have lying around and just drove to the middle of who knows where without my phone and down three glasses. At least the tv worked. Though this screen is right in my face and far too big so I'm like craning my neck right now. No way to back up since I have no second desk. I hate you so much life, I hate you so very much. At least I'm more angry than sad right now. Okay with that rant/whine/cry out of the way morning everyone. It's not a good one for me that's for sure.
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Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
like most of my friends and (some/many) people here believe I'm bipolar lol. apparently I have about 2 weeks of depression, 2 weeks of this... and like a few days of random "all emotion states all at once overlapping in a 'omg just effing kill me because I want everything at once and just shoot me whatever omg make it stop what the hell is wrong with me just do something this needs to stop I can't be depressed happy, wanting everything all at once what is happening I can't be wanting someont but not and food and no what why ugh stop stop make it stop'" before it changes.
I discovered this when he put me on lithium to stop the active suicidal thoughts.... which it didn't stop lol, but it did clear up my thinking/seeing the other states existing.
but hey, the state I'm in now is so euphoric... it feels so right... so... wonderful and in control... and like I can do anything....
departing
Enlightened
- Jul 5, 2019
- 1,502
Just be careful... In a lot of places, that's reckless driving... which can be a nasty ticket, insurance surcharges, and even a court date. I used to speed everywhere before learning to slow down when needed. Here, we have speed cameras that send automated tickets through the mail.
Carina
Angelic
- Dec 22, 2019
- 4,005
True, but it was so fun, and exciting and we don't have front license plates... and so gun... and I wanted to go faster....
I just had lyrics to a song go through my head: "It's just the state I'm in I can't be good to anyone else like this "
Not saying it's good, it totally isn't.... but omg my brain totally wants it... it craves it... it so.... craves it....
fortunately right now from typing and stuff the impulsiveness is a bit calmer... but still... it's there... it is still there...
departing
Enlightened
- Jul 5, 2019
- 1,502
I have my groceries delivered, too, and I love it. It makes everything nice and easy. I save the bags, though, to use as trash bags.
MysticPerception
I'm back and I'll still smile for you
- Dec 31, 2019
- 1,252
Alright now I'm just laughing because everything on the screen is so big is surreal. This resolution is stupid when you're forced to sit this close to the screen. It's terrible but funny at the same time.
@MysticPerception hope your day turns out better than it started. Glad the TV at least works.
