The need to be protected

[SchizoGymnast]

This is a dicey topic for me, because I am an independent, adventurous person, as well as a feminist. There's a toxic narrative in our culture about women needing to be protected, especially by men.

And yet, I crave to be protected by someone. Do I need if? No. I took my first flight out of the US by myself. I backpacked all over New York City and slept on the streets. I lived alone for ten years and loved it. Never been assaulted. Never had my stuff stolen. So I. Got. This.

Because it's not about about the *need* to be protected. It's about, do I *deserve* to be protected? Am I *worth* protecting? That's what I really want to know, and feel. That there are people out there that feel I am worth protecting and that they themselves are willing to do it. Even if they never have to. Because as a kid, while my parents were struggling with their marriage and their finances and their addictions, I was the good kid. The easy kid. The happy kid. She can take care of herself. She will forgive us. She doesn't need anything. Meanwhile I'm failing out of high school, developing a psychotic illness, a mysterious physical illness, and am being stalked by an online predator. And yet I didn't talk about it. It was easier not to. And to this day, I wish someone had stopped me and asked, "How are you REALLY doing? Tell me the truth." And not have retaliation afterwards.

Deep down, I know the answer to these questions is yes. I'm worth it and I deserve it and I know that because *I'm* my own protector. But it gets exhausting and I wish someone would swoop in and save me sometimes.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I thought this then it happened and I was proven wrong, I am not worth it,, words can go a long way without any real actions taken.

 

[lost_one]

Oh, I am the opposite, I want to protect, to take care of someone (I am a woman by the way). I want to be loved, I want someone to cared, but protect spcifically I think I want to protect more than I want to be protected.

I am really sorry about the way you are feeling, and your feelings are completely valid. Your parents are the parents for a reason, they should protect you, they care for you even if you were a brat, it's a sad truth but you will need to care for your self, to tell you inner child, you are safe and you are loved, and you are enough, and that is hard. Easier said then done. Idk if you want this advice but if you want look up re-parenting yourself. it's a skill for you, as an adult and Idk how old you are, for you to give yourself the validation, love and care that you need,,and you are not weak for wanting any of it.

Good luck