socrates

socrates

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
Dec 3, 2019
270
About two years ago I planned to CTB in early July, but things changed and I decided to let my ticket expire. Well that date is fast approaching, and I feel it's time to board. It's funny when I started making plans I didn't have a single friend, now I have a few really close ones. I even have someone who I've really been clicking with and we might form a romantic relationship. Of course this complicates my departure because I don't want to abandon my new found friends. The problem is I fear if I don't act now my chances of leaving may be significantly lower. More peaceful, pleasant options may also no longer be available. I can not continue to ignore my financial and health problems and expect them to just disappear. The bill will come due soon and I don't want to be hear to pay it.

Boarding the bus will be a difficult task. Weather or not it is wise to board a bus that has no known destination I do not know. I suppose everyone boards it one day so it might just be sparing me from copious amounts of grief. I also suffer from the poison known as hope. I cling onto a small chance that things may get better, but the far more probable outcome is for things to become unimaginably worse.

I guess I just wanted to vent a little.
 
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DeathIsTheWayOut99

DeathIsTheWayOut99

Warlock
Jun 6, 2020
798
I think I can relate to this

Its weird, and I really really hate saying this but I feel that the reason why I have not died yet is that I am holding onto somethign

Hope of a better life

Hope of love

Hope of friends

So on and so forth

Yet at the same time every passing day is a punch to the face

I am living art home where I grew up abused and I dont know how much I can take

Every flashback and trigger drives me into a suicidal mess

I am afraid I might do something out of desperation, but doing suicide out of desperation can lead to disastrous results

I wish suicide was something that could be granted to you, and you could just do it peacefully. I am in the US so such thing doesn't exist here :(

FUCK
 
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